“Lana! Wake up!” Mr. Garner bellows from the other side, his fist thumping repeatedly.
I flip back the covers and scramble out of bed, flying to the door. “What is it?”
“Get dressed. Parker’s on his way to pick you up,” he says breathlessly. “It’s your mother. She’s been taken to the hospital.”
I had to keep you locked away. Isolate you from everyone he loved. Shred your hope to keep him safe.
Five hours later, I’m holding my breath as I step into a hospital room, unprepared for what awaits. My mother lies in a bed, a cannula wrapped under her nose, an IV dripping fluids into her veins and a monitor beeping along with her heart—which is thankfully still beating. Her eyes are closed, and her long honey-colored hair drapes over one shoulder and disappears under the sheet pulled taut over her still body. She looks peaceful, and if it wasn’t for the fact that we’re in a hospital, I might be overcome with relief. She’s never been a restful sleeper.
The sound of water running draws my attention to a closed door. A few seconds later, Nick appears, shutting off the light to the bathroom.
I stare at him, too exhausted to be angry. I tried but couldn’t sleep during the predawn car ride. Parker and I were silent the entire drive. When I didn’t have my eyes closed, I was staring out the window, my mind conjuring a thousand catastrophes and ailments since I had only been told my mother collapsed and was taken to the hospital.
I keep replaying the last words I said to her. How disappointed I was that she wasn’t stronger. I should know that I can’t make her someone she’s not. She’s easily breakable. But she’s also kind and compassionate. She’s generous with a compliment or thoughtful word, always wanting others to feel better. She loves completely, well … except for me. She tries. I know she does. And she does love me in her own way, but not in the way that has ever put me first. I can choose to be resentful, or I can accept it and love her anyway.
I’ve always fought to protect her, to defend her. And now, standing over her while she’s lying in a hospital bed feels like I’ve failed her. Despite my declaration yesterday, I don’t know who I am to her if I’m not the one avenging her broken heart. Vowing to destroy all who have hurt her while claiming to love her. And I can’t fault my mother for who I am. For how much I love her.
Ashton may have just crowned me, but I’ve been the defender of the wronged my entire life.
“What are you doing here?” I ask Nick, my voice quiet but edged with ice.
Nick tosses the paper towel in the trash. “The hospital called me. I’m listed as her emergency contact.”
I’m disappointed by this but not surprised. “Where’s Olivia and Niall?”
“They should be back soon. It was a long night,” he explains vaguely.
It’s barely eight in the morning. If they were here the entire time it took me to arrive, then I can understand their need to recover.
“What happened?” I ask, moving closer, my attention back on my mother’s motionless form. The beeping from the monitor’s assuring but driving me crazy at the same time.
“They’re not sure exactly. She was complaining that her heart was beating really fast right before she passed out. Then she went into cardiac arrest. They’ve scheduled tests for later this morning.”
“Who found her?” I ask, considering it was the middle of the night when she collapsed.
“She was closing up at Stella’s after working the late shift,” Nick informs me, sitting on the chair next to her bed. From the looks of the blanket and pillow still folded on the table and the lines of worry creasing his face, he hasn’t slept.
“Will she be okay?” I grip the bed rail and focus on the rise and fall of her chest.
“I don’t know,” he says, bowing his head and rubbing his eyes.
“Would you like to sit?”
I spin at the sound of the female voice behind me.
“You must be Lana. I’m Kimberly, your mother’s nurse. I can bring in another chair if you’d like, so you can sit next to her while she sleeps.”
“Thanks,” I reply, suddenly feeling like my legs might give out.
A minute later, Kimberly rolls in a chair, and I let my body fall into it. The nurse smiles at me, her eyes crinkling at the edges. It’s a practiced expression, I can tell. A cautious look that wants to tell me everything will be okay without promising it will. I avert my eyes when the lump forms in the back of my throat.
“Thank you,” I croak, fighting the swell of emotion.
“Dr. Nolan will be by within the next couple hours,” she tells us. “Is there anything you need?”
I shake my head. She pauses for Nick to answer.
He blinks away from staring at Mom long enough to say, “No, thank you.” Then he returns to watching over her while she sleeps, his hand cupping hers.
I examine him in his vigil. His drawn mouth and swollen, red-rimmed eyes that indicate he’s been crying. He’s fixated on her, like he’s willing her to heal.
“Do you love her?” Despite everything he’s put her through, it’s the only thing that matters right now.
Nick draws his lips tight as his eyes shine with tears. He presses his fingers to his closed lids, pinching the moisture away. “Very much.” The hand that still holds hers squeezes in emphasis. “And I’ll say it for however long it takes for her to forgive me.”
I swallow, the persistent lump making it nearly impossible to speak. “I’m sorry for what I said to you that morning.”
He shakes his head as if to dismiss me. “You didn’t know. I wanted to tell you. Both of you. But it was complicated. Still is.”
“Your marriage to Cassandra?” I confirm.
He nods, picking up Mom’s hand and kissing it gently. “Faye didn’t want to be involved with me if there was a chance I’d go back to Cassandra. So I told her we were divorced to assure her I wouldn’t. Because I won’t. Never will. It’s over between us. But I should never have lied.”
“Why won’t she divorce you?” I ask, my attention still on his ashen face.
“I don’t know. Anger. Vengeance. You name it. She doesn’t give up easily even if she doesn’t really want what she’s fighting for.”
“She doesn’t want you, but she doesn’t want anyone else to have you?” I clarify.
“More that she doesn’t want me to be with Faye,” he explains.
“Why?” I can’t hide the shock in my question. What could Cassandra have against my mother?
“I’m not sure. Maybe because Faye’s younger or because they know each other. It’s not like I can have a civil conversation with her. So I’m letting our lawyers handle it.”
“What about Lily?”
Nick meets my gaze for the first time. “You know Lily?”
“Just met her this summer when I was sent to Blackwood. She’s really messed up over this.”
Nick’s chin trembles as he presses his mouth into a straight line. “She won’t talk to me. Cassandra’s convinced her that I left them for Faye, which isn’t true. Our marriage was over almost a year before. I finally got up the nerve to move out last fall. A couple months later, I reconnected with Faye when she was assigned to temp for our Boston law office.” He searches my face. “Does Lily hate me?”