She climbed out of my hold and got back down on the ground. “Look. I’m serious.”
She stumbled toward the bar.
I watched her. “You better be getting water.”
She sighed and grabbed a water bottle. “We have to talk.”
“Why?” I shook my head. “We already know what will happen. This is the moment when you tell me that you don’t want to be ordered around, and I give you the wakeup call that you weren’t hoping for.”
“Is that what happens?” She twisted off the bottle top and drank some water.
“Yes. That’s what happens.”
She set the bottle down. “I ran after the guy for you.”
“I have men for that.”
“They weren’t on it.”
“Nevertheless, I would rather die than you.”
She opened her mouth and then closed it. After a few seconds of silence, she took another sip and sighed. “Maybe we both should calm down. Stop the sex. We don’t know how to do this…dating stuff. It’s clear. We’re both being ridiculous. We have enough going on and—”
“No, and this discussion is done.”
She fisted her hands to the side. “Kazimir…it is not done…”
I stormed toward her, unable to keep my anger back anymore. “You do what I say—”
“I fucking don’t.”
“You’re drunk—”
“And I am my own person. I can be drunk if I fucking want to!”
“No.”
She opened her mouth and stopped herself from speaking.
“You’re mine. I’ve already said it before.” I closed the distance between us. “If I say sit, then you ask in what seat and for how long.”
She laughed, yet no humor hit her face. “Fuck. That.”
And now, I meet more of Emily.
I continued, but probably shouldn’t have, “If I tell you to stop, then you freeze right in fucking place. You don’t move or breathe. These disappearances of yours. Your running around. They don’t happen again. And the men dancing around you, tonight, never again—”
“You should stick with Russian girls because I’m not going to do that.” She crossed her arms across her chest. “When I work for you, then you get that arrangement. Then I will sit, when you say sit. Then, I will run where you tell me. But!” She pointed at me. “If I’m in your bed, then I have a fucking voice and I do what I want, or we don’t do it at all.”
Silence hit me.
“This isn’t going well.” She looked down at the floor. “We should end it now.”
“That’s not an option.”
“It is.” She walked off.
I grabbed her.
She yanked her arm away. “Let me go.”
“No.”
She slapped me and then shrieked, “Fuck. I’m sorry.”
Shocked, I released her. The sting bit my face. Her hand might’ve been soft and sweet, but the crack of her palm against my skin silenced me as I absorbed the pain. When I turned to look at her again, she appeared terrified.
Without a single warning, I reached out and grabbed her hand, yanking her hard against me.
She cried out and I punished her with a bruising kiss. But when her lips parted, and I delved in her honeyed warmth, I lost myself.
She moaned, and I swallowed that too.
My body blazed on fire.
I released Emily.
Lust glazed over her eyes.
I gripped her hard, wanting to tear her clothes off. “Don’t ever hit me again.”
Her words rode shivers. “I won’t.”
“We’re not done talking, mysh.” I grabbed her chin and traced my finger along her bottom lip. “My approach has been wrong, but you must know what you mean to me.”
“Kaz, we’re dangerous for each other. Let’s just end this here.”
“No.” I kissed her. “I’m sorry about Xavier.”
“And…” She sighed. “I’m sorry about Uncle Igor.”
I parted her mouth with my fingertips. “You don’t disappear.”
“Focus on one thing to argue about at a time.”
“No.”
Letting out another exasperated breath, she leaned into my chest, hid her face, and wrapped her arms around me.
I held her. “I’ll take care of the men that killed Xavier.”
“I will too.”
I gritted my teeth. “That can be the only way? Right?”
“Yes. We either do this together or we don’t do it at all.”
I held in my annoyance. “I wanted to take control of it. I’m used to doing things on my own.”
She looked up. “But I’m involved. Xavier is dead. Kennedy too. My brother’s either behind this bullshit or dead by now.”
“True. But this is bigger than Harlem or anything you’ve ever dealt with. You’ve lost a lot, but this is between Sasha and me. You’re not in it.
She buried her head back into my chest and tightened her grip around my waist. “You don’t tell me what I’m in.”
“This is my world, mysh.”
“I don’t give a fuck.” She kept her head against me. Her body relaxed. “Deal with it.”
We stood in silence. The embrace calmed me. Perhaps, we should’ve done that from the beginning. Hold each other. Touch our skin. There was power in an embrace. I could feel the tension sliding away as soon as I wrapped my arms around her.
In the end, we were angry and terrified. We’d been caught by surprise, and two people we loved had died around us. And we didn’t stop it.
There was so much fear.
I’d spent my lifetime not making decisions with emotion. But since Emily had entered my life, I’d become emotional with my choices. I knew I couldn’t keep her locked in a room. I had no idea why I’d tried—fear, possessiveness, my habit of being a bully.
I’d told her she was mine, and she replied with a new definition of the word. To her, mine meant trust and full honesty. Mine equated to her having her own voice. Mine said independence and freedom. And what could I do but listen? She’d become too important—to my world, to my life, to my heart, to the very depths of my soul.
Emily rubbed her head against my chest. “I’m sorry, Kaz. I should’ve never hit you.”
I’m sorry too.
I couldn’t tell her those words, but she needed to really understand why I’d been so insane with her today. I’d thought she knew my feelings for her. But how could I, when in this moment, I was just realizing them myself?
“Mysh…” I ran my fingers through her hair and decided to tell her what I’d been holding inside. “I’m falling for you, and I’m scared that you’ll die.”
Thirteen
Emily
“I’m falling for you, and I’m scared that you’ll die.”
The impact of Kaz’s voice on my senses was as hard-hitting as it had been the first time I’d heard it. Dangerous yet sensual, it knocked me for a loop both in the darkness and in sunlight. And because of that, my world narrowed to him. My focus. My heart. It all centered on him.