“What are they?” Kyan asked with a frown, but Saint only answered by tossing the letter onto the flames and snatching up another one. My heart felt like it was burning alive with those pages on the fire. Each word had poured from me, meant for her. But she’d never read any of them.
Saint snatched up another one, a nasty smile biting into his cheeks. “Today was your funeral. I had to say goodbye to my big sister. My guiding star. I love you, Jess. I don’t know what I’ll ever do without you.” He gave me a mocking stare and another piece of me shattered like glass.
A wave of pain crashed against my heart as I remembered that day, the way I’d poured over that letter as I unleashed my pain, letting it all out. And in the years since, I’d written to her whenever I needed to. Whenever I wished I could get her advice or tell her about my life. It had helped ease the grief, given me an outlet for the words I’d never gotten to say to her. For all the moments I’d never shared with her. And now they were all disappearing, one at a time, consumed in flame like they meant nothing. But they were everything, everything.
Saint sifted through the pile again and produced a letter that made my heart fracture into a million pieces. The paper was different. Crumpled, worn, a hundred tears soaked into its fibres.
Jess and I had written letters to each other all through my sophomore year. She’d stayed in California to study biomedical science, but I was too young to stay with her. I’d continued to travel with Dad. But that letter, the one the devil held between his fingers now, was the last one she’d ever given me. She’d come to surprise us in Chicago for Christmas. She’d delivered it to me in person.
“Dear Tatty,” Saint read in a mocking tone that made my bones ache. “I thought I’d give this one to you myself as we’re going to be spending the entire holiday season together. And guess what?! Dad says you’re coming to California with me in January. Now I’m eighteen I can look after you for a while. He’s gotta work in dull-ass Fort Wayne for a few months. So you’re gonna be free, bitch! You’re gonna love it, Tatty. The beaches are to die for and I swear you’re made for it already with that golden skin of yours. You know me with my pale-ass Dad complexion. At least Mom left you something when she abandoned us, right? Bitch didn’t leave me anything but her allergies. I can’t wait for you to meet everyone. You’ll never wanna leave, I swear. Maybe we can live there permanently one day? I’ll talk Dad around. Love you little sis. Your new roomie, Jess.”
I fought so hard against Blake that I managed to get free, terror driving my actions as I dove over the coffee table to snatch the letter from Saint’s fingers. My hand was outstretched, just grazing it when Blake caught me around the waist at the last second, pinning me down onto the table and slamming his weight on top of me.
“You shouldn’t have broken the rules,” Blake growled as he held me in place and my heart nearly gave out. Because I hadn’t broken the rules. I’d only done what Kyan had told me to. But saying that seemed worthless. Kyan wasn’t going to protect me from this. He’d had his fun and now I was paying the consequences. He was as heartless as them and I was a fool for ever thinking there was more to him than brutality.
“Make her watch,” Saint commanded and Blake fisted a hand in my hair to turn me to toward the fire.
“Please don’t,” I begged as tears washed over my skin. The other letters were my words, I could let them all go for that single one. I could face anything but losing that piece of my sister. “Not that one, please Saint.” My voice was raspy and dry, my desperation lacing the air around us.
Kyan cleared his throat before Saint made any move toward the fire. “Don’t you think this is going a bit far now, dude? I was the one who took her out.”
Saint glowered at him, a deadly glint in his gaze but a flicker of hope filled me.
Please don’t do this. Please listen to him.
Saint moved out of sight, striding towards Kyan and I writhed against Blake’s firm hold on me, but it was no use.
“I decide when it goes too far,” Saint snarled, then he strode back into view, grabbing the entire pile of letters from the table and throwing them all into the flames. I screamed, but I couldn’t hear it. I was locked inside my head, a haze of hate and grief consuming me, taking everything with it. Jessica’s letters were amongst them, burning up with the rest. Her messages to me lost, devoured.
Blake released me, but I didn’t move. I sobbed, despising that they saw me fall apart as I curled my legs to my chest on the table and buried my face in my arms.
I heard them moving away and I gasped for air as I reached for Jess’s necklace around my throat and clutched it tight in my fist.
I’m so sorry, Jess.
A violent shudder ran through me as my heart broke and the world seemed to darken around me. There was a shadow in my soul now, a brand they’d left there, tainting me. Marking me with this hurt forever.
I needed to get away from this place. These vile boys. I was done. So fucking done.
I lifted my head, drawing in a shaky breath. None of them were close by.
I turned my gaze to the door then pushed myself up and ran straight toward it, determined to get out of this place and never look back.
I yanked the door open just as Saint shouted, “Stop!”
I ignored him, kicking my feet into my sneakers and snatching someone’s trench coat from beside the door before throwing it shut behind me. I started running, hearing them shouting after me. I shot a glance back at them through teary eyes, spotting Kyan getting in their way to stop them.
They didn’t come for me but I upped my pace anyway, wiping my eyes on the sleeve of the coat, the apple scent of Saint hanging on it and making me want to hurl it into the lake. But it was freezing out and still dark; I couldn’t wander around campus in nothing but Kyan’s T-shirt.
I didn’t know where I was gonna go, I just knew I needed to be as far away from that church as I could get.
Tears continued to fall and my heart continued to break. He’d taken the most precious items in the world to me. And it felt like losing my sister all over again.
I made it all the way down to Sycamore Beach by the lake before I stopped running. Dawn was painting the sky in pale pink tones and I hated the beauty of it. I hated the peace of the world when it felt like it should have been falling to ruin around me.
Hate spilled out of me from every pore in my body as I glared at the sacred rock and the arrow markings of the Night Keepers at the top of it. I tipped my head to the sky and screamed my rage. At Saint, Blake, Kyan. I hated them all for owning me, taking everything I’d ever had and casting it aside like it was nothing. Making me bare my soul just so they could slice it up and laugh while they did it.
Despite my scream feeling like it could start an earthquake, nothing happened. The world continued to be quiet and still. The lake rippled darkly and the sky brightened with another coming day.
A hand suddenly grabbed me from behind and I lurched around in fear, my fists raising as I prepared to fight and kick and bite. But it wasn’t them. It was Monroe. His dark blue eyes widened as he took in my expression. He pulled his headphones off to hang around his neck and I suddenly came apart all over again.
I lurched forward, wrapping my arms around him, needing the comfort of his embrace more than anything in the world.