‘Yes,’ I swallowed, ‘yes, I am.’
‘Is that because of . . .’ he began, but his words tailed off and he turned away.
‘Is that because of what?’ I asked him.
‘Never mind,’ he said, sounding gruff again. ‘Forget it.’
I would have bet good money that he was going to include Joe’s name in whatever it was he had almost just said.
‘Look,’ he said, turning back again, ‘I know I’m probably being paranoid, but you and Hope . . .’
‘What about us?’
‘You weren’t scheming something earlier, were you?’
‘Like what?’
‘Like anything,’ he said, coming to stand in front of me, much the same as he had before, although not quite as close this time. ‘I don’t want either of you interfering.’
‘But I’m always interfering,’ I reminded him with a smile. ‘I interfered practically the moment I arrived and got you to lay on the bank holiday entertainment and then I stuck my oar in again so you’d get the beach clean going and the solstice party up and running. Interfering is what I’m known for around here. I’ve even put my two pennies’ worth in down at Sophie’s café!’
My intention in reeling everything off had been to make him laugh, or at least smile, but the frown he was wearing was going nowhere.
‘That’s as maybe,’ he said seriously, ‘but you know what I’m really talking about, don’t you? And I can’t cope with you, or Hope, interfering in that.’
‘I see.’
‘It’s painful enough that it’s all been stirred up again,’ he said, ‘so I don’t want either of you making it worse because you’ve got it into your heads that you can somehow make it better. Whatever it is that the pair of you might be thinking you can do, I want you to forget it, okay?’
I may have had one drink too many, but I wasn’t so squiffy that I couldn’t see how much he was hurting. Part of me wished that Joe had been able to stay away, that everything was fine at the farm and everyone’s lives could continue as before, but there was another more practical part which knew that everyone was simply pretending and that until they ripped off the band-aid and let the wound get some air, it would never properly heal.
‘We just want you to be happy,’ I whispered.
‘And you have my best interests at heart,’ he cut in, more or less word for word finishing what I was going to say.
In my head I also had Joe’s name in the happiness and best interests mix and Hope’s and Charlie’s because they all deserved to be there, didn’t they?
‘Sam,’ I began, as I took another step closer, ‘you have to understand . . .’
I only wanted to close the gap between us a little, but my foot became caught around a chair leg and I fell forward, so that rather than simply standing a little nearer, I landed heavily in his arms and found my body pressed close to his.
‘What do I have to understand?’ he swallowed.
He wasn’t loosening his grip and I opened my mouth to tell him, but the words just wouldn’t come.
‘That my head has been all over the place from the very moment . . .’ he began when I didn’t answer. ‘That my heart . . .’
‘Go on,’ I urged.
I would have dearly loved to have heard the end of either of those sentences, but he didn’t finish them and before I realized what was happening, I found my head moving closer to his, my eyes locked on his lips and my desire to kiss him blocking out all reason and all thoughts that he already had a girlfriend. A girlfriend who also happened to be a very dear friend.
‘Tess.’
The sound of my name on his lips, spoken in such a sultry tone, was the most seductive thing I had ever heard.
‘Yes . . .’
I let out an unexpected and ungracious hiccup and thankfully came to my senses.
‘I think I’d better go home,’ I whispered, stepping unsteadily back. ‘I don’t feel very well.’
‘I’ll walk you back,’ he said, releasing me. ‘Otherwise, goodness knows where you’ll end up.’
*
It was only a few steps from the pub to the cottage, but when I woke the next morning on the sofa, under a blanket and with a plastic bucket – thankfully empty – next to me, I couldn’t remember taking a single one of them. Unfortunately, the embarrassing end to my time inside the pub premises couldn’t be so easily blocked out and I rolled over and pulled the blanket over my head as I shamefully recalled just how close I had stupidly come to trying to kiss the man who was dating my wonderful new BFF.
When I woke again, I had a shower, attempted to eat a round of toast and swallowed down the painkillers I should have taken before I fell asleep. I pottered about for a bit trying to keep busy and inventing jobs that didn’t need doing, but it was no good. By the time I found myself thinking about de-scaling the kettle, I knew the game was up and I couldn’t put the inevitable off any longer.
‘Hope,’ I said as I stumbled over the pub threshold, but still keeping my sunglasses firmly in place. ‘Are you feeling any better?’
‘Much,’ she beamed, ‘thanks. And clearly better than you. Good night, was it?’
‘Tess,’ said Sam, appearing before I could answer and carrying two plates groaning under the weight of a hefty Sunday lunch. ‘I wasn’t excepting to see you today.’
‘Let me serve these,’ said Hope, quickly taking the plates from him. ‘Which table are they going to?’
Once she had gone, I hopped up behind the bar and followed Sam to the kitchen.
‘Look,’ I said, not going fully into the room, ‘about last night . . .’
‘What about it?’ he said, picking up a carving knife and making short work of a massive joint of beef.
‘You know what,’ I said, feeling both too hungover and embarrassed to spell out the incident which had almost, but thankfully not quite, happened.
‘Yes,’ he sighed, ‘I do and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.’
From what I could remember, he hadn’t said anything much and I was the one who was supposed to be apologizing. I was the one who had very nearly caused us to kiss.
‘No,’ I said, ‘I’m the one who’s sorry. I don’t know what came over me.’
‘Neither do I,’ he said, briefly looking up. ‘Know what came over me, I mean.’
Although I wasn’t sure why he was feeling so guilty about something I had instigated, it did make apologizing a little less mortifying.
‘So,’ I tentatively asked, ‘can we just forget about it then?’
‘No one’s going to hear about it from me,’ he said resolutely, ‘and besides, nothing happened, did it?’
‘That’s right,’ I agreed, standing a little taller, ‘absolutely nothing happened.’
I shrugged off the thought that it so easily could have.
‘Right,’ he said, ‘great.’
‘Really great,’ I nodded, ‘and can I say, just for the record, that making a play for . . .’
I was going to add ‘someone’s other half isn’t my style’ but I could hear Hope coming through the bar behind me and stopped. Sam looked at me, but I shook my head. I could hardly carry on now.