She did not turn at the sound of his voice. “Lookin’ out the window, pretending I can see the sunset once again.”
There wasn’t a bit of upset to her voice. If anything, she sounded melancholy. Was she trying to make him feel guilty in order to goad him into apologizing for his earlier behavior? “That is not what I meant. I want to ken what ye are thinkin’ by movin’ out of our chamber.” His words were clipped, his anger barely hidden.
“So ye can sleep.”
’Twas not the answer he was expecting. “What do ye mean?” He asked, taking a step closer to her.
“I fear ye have nae had a good night’s sleep since we married, Richard. Ye have been sleeping on the cold floor of yer study each night. Ye need better rest and sleep than ye’ve been gettin’.”
A twinge of guilt pulled at his insides. She did sound sincere, but deep down, he was certain there was more to her decision than worrying over his comfort. “Ye worry I am not sleeping?” he asked, a hint of challenge in his voice.
“Aye, I do,” she replied. She still hadn’t turned to look at him.
“Be there more to it than that?”
He watched as she took in a slow breath. “Aye, there be more to it than that.”
After a lengthy silence, he realized she wasn’t going to tell him what was truly on her mind. “What game are ye playin’ at?” he bit out.
“’Tis not a game, Richard,” she replied in a whisper. She sounded exhausted.
“Are ye certain?” His voice was laced with sarcasm and annoyance. “Because it certainly looks that way to me.”
Finally, she turned around. Her eyes were red and her skin blotchy from crying. “Then ye do not ken me well at all,” she said. “But then, why would ye? Ye avoid me at all costs. Ye refuse to spend any time with me.”
He shook his head in dismay. “Is this all because I did nae walk with ye at night?”
Aeschene let out a heavy sigh. “Richard, it is not about the walks. Or the picnics. It is about the fact that ye want nothin’ to do with me until nightfall, when it is time to join.”
Her words stung, but they were nothing but the truth.
“It is about the fact that ye do not trust me, and I doubt ye ever will.”
More painful truths. Truths he could not deny.
“Ye are intent on being alone,” she began tearfully. “Ye do not need me for anything, save to slake yer desires. I am not yer partner nor yer friend. I am simply the woman ye join with each night before ye steal away from the bed. That is all I am or ever will be to ye, and that hurts.”
He’d rather die a slow painful death than to give her the words. Words he knew would change everything between them.
It wasn’t his male pride that kept him silent. ’Twas once again, the painful memories; the images of his dead father and brothers, that stilled him to silence. Giving her the words was the same as dishonoring their memory. ‘Twould be an act of treason that could never be forgiven.
“If ye think I will beg ye to move back into our chamber, ye are sadly mistaken.” His voice grew louder, more intense. “I will not beg for yer forgiveness!”
Startled, she took a step back. “I have not asked for yer forgiveness,” she said, her own voice growing louder. “I only want ye to give me the truth! I want to hear ye say it. Ye do not trust me.”
“Nay, I do not trust ye!” He shouted, raking a hand through his hair. “I will never trust ye! Why would I trust a MacRay?”
She gasped and the tears fell instantly. Richard knew they weren’t false tears meant to injure or to guilt him into action. Nay, they were genuine and he was the one responsible.
He couldn’t take any more. Furious, he left the room, slamming the door behind him.
Raibeart and Colyne were in the hallways, frozen in place. They were positively wounded and just as furious. Somehow, he knew they were mad at him.
They shook their heads in disappointment before turning around and walking back to their rooms.
Chapter Twenty-One
’Twas as if a death knell had been tolled. An eerie silence had fallen over the keep, darkening the moods of all within.
Aeschene took her meals in her room, though in truth, she hadn’t much of an appetite.
The boys ate their meals in the kitchens. Lachlan and Rory had all but disappeared.
For three solid nights, Richard sat alone in the gathering room, dining on tasteless, watery soups and flat breads. Everyone, it seemed, was avoiding him. He couldn’t rightly blame them, but still, ’twas irksome.
On the fourth night, he was fully prepared to march above stairs and demand Aeschene move back into their bed chamber. He had drunk far too much ale when that idea presented itself. Liquid courage. Shoving himself away from the table, he was fully prepared to do just that when Rory appeared from the dark shadows of the hallway. “Lachlan and I will be goin’ into Mallaig on the morrow,” he told him.
Richard was glad to see him, but the young man was apparently not in the mood for his company. He turned on his heal and left before Richard could spark a conversation.
“This is getting ridiculous,” he muttered under his breath.
Marisse entered the gathering room, took one look at Richard, turned around and left.
“They be treatin’ me as if I have the plague.”
’Tis no less than ye deserve.
Realizing he was too into his cups to have an intelligent conversation with his wife, he quit the gathering room and went into his study. Pacing around the cold, dreary room, he began a gallant search of his heart and mind for a way out of the hole he had dug for himself.
’Twas readily apparent that his family, his men, and half his clan had come to like Aeschene.
At first, he had believed his people were too intelligent than to put their trust into the hands of a MacRay. ’Twas more than lives and home that were lost in the attack by the Chisolms; faith and trust in anyone other than a MacCullough was lost as well.
To trust an outsider was not an easy thing for any of his people, himself not excluded.
How had it happened that his brothers, his family, and even his people had come to not only trust Aeschene MacRay, but to become her champions as well? That was exactly what was happening now; his family and people were siding with his wife. A show of forces if you will, that sided with her.
What was it about her that they were able to see but he could not? How were they able to determine her trustworthy so readily? Was there something she had said or done to earn their loyalty?
How would he even know? He had done everything in his power to avoid spending any amount of time with her, save for their marital bed. There, she was uninhibited and free spirited and she held nothing back. Could it be that she was just as free-spirited elsewhere?
He knew the answer. His wife was as honest as the day was long. Deep in his heart, he knew he could trust her, could put his faith in her. She’d never betray him or his family.
Raking a hand through his hair, he continued his pacing, his mind and heart in a fierce battle for control. Never in his life had he been so consumed with doubt over anything. Always self-assured and in complete control of his faculties.
That was until he laid eyes upon Aeschene for the first time. ’Twas as if everything he knew, everything he believed in had suddenly flown away, deserting him in his hour of need.