I left the door cracked, giving the windowless room a little light. Apparently I was a glutton for pain, because I couldn’t stop myself from peeking out as Tom and most definitely Tina stepped out of the bathroom. You don’t want to see this, I told myself, but I couldn’t look away.
They were both naked, dripping wet from their shower. I watched my boyfriend carry my friend with her legs wrapped around his waist. Their lips were glued to each other while their tongues played tonsil hockey. One of his hands slid between them, making her squirm in his arms.
Unable to remove my gaze, I couldn’t help but compare what they were doing with what he did with me. The way he touched her, his fingers between her legs. I knew how those fingers felt, soft but firm as he stroked my sensitive flesh.
I think I’m going to be sick.
He threw her on the bed, amping up their foreplay to rough passion, then climbed over her and thrust little Tom between her legs. I covered my ears as she gave a gag-worthy performance by screaming out his name before they started going at it like rabbits.
The sounds made me feel like I was trapped in a bad porno. His grunting, her moans, and my bed shaking was worse than listening to someone scratch a chalkboard. I stepped away from the door in a futile attempt to put space between us.
Less than five minutes later—I assumed, because I knew from experience he couldn’t hold out very long—the noises subsided. I peeked out again to find them cuddling under the bed’s sheet.
“When will Maura be home?” she asked.
Tom leaned over to read the clock on my nightstand. “Not for another four hours. Her afternoon class is about to start.”
Fuck! I forgot! This day was getting shittier and shittier.
“Good. I get to have you for a little while longer,” she purred as she leaned in to kiss him affectionately. “Have you thought over what we last discussed?”
He sighed. “I need more time.”
His response was apparently the wrong one. Tina jerked away from him, sitting up abruptly, causing the sheet hiding her breasts to fall. Fake breasts! At least mine were real; not as big, but they were nothing to sneeze at.
“I don’t see how hard it is to just leave her, Tom! You can’t stand her. The thought of having sex with her is a turn off because she’s been milking the victim card. Which, I honestly think she’s lying to get attention. If she was really raped, shouldn’t she be over it by now? It’s been seven years. Like, get the fuck over it already.”
My breath hitched, my lungs constricting. He told her?
“Listen, Tom. Maura isn’t what you signed up for. She’s a frigid bitch with some serious mental issues, and if she is even telling the truth, that pussy is damaged goods. You need to end it.”
My spine went ramrod straight. For years, I’d been working to close the wounds that horrible night had left behind. It hadn't been easy. Most of the time it had felt like a never ending uphill battle. I was still healing. I still had cracks where the gaping wounds used to be. Hearing her cruel words… it was like her boney fingers slipped through my cracks, ripping me open to expose all my pain and insecurities.
I trusted them! I knew there were bad people in this world. God, did I know. But there weren’t supposed to be any in this new life I'd made for myself. Everything was supposed to be normal!
Was the universe trying to tell me that I was doomed to only know bad people? My assumptions and expectations about this life were just blown to smithereens by two people I thought cared about me. Yeah, I think the universe just made my fate perfectly fucking clear.
He sighed again. “I know. You’re right.”
My whole body started shaking. How did I let this happen?
Everything in me hurt. My chest burned with anger, but above all, my entire being—my soul—felt exposed.
The battle going on inside of me was making the walls of the small closet close in and the air nonexistent. I was having a panic attack. I’d had a few in the past, so I recognized all the signs. The best way to stop it was to regain control. I tried to grab ahold of said control, through the black hole of my overwhelming emotions, only to have it slip through my fingers like sand. I couldn’t get a firm grip, not with the constant reminder in the other room.
Then get rid of the reminder, my darkness whispered from deep, very deep within me.
No! I shook my head violently. I can’t go back.
The pain intensified in my chest. Sweat beaded on my skin, plastering my hair to my neck and face. Temptation slithered inside me as my panic attack worsened. My darkness rose and rose as my will faltered. I shouldn’t have given in, but I was helpless to stop it. Enveloping me like warm water in a bath, the darkness consumed me, breaking to the surface.
I didn't know how much time had passed. A minute? Two minutes? I wasn’t sure, but the change in me was fast.
A strange calmness took over, banishing the attack that had wreaked havoc on my body. It felt like a different being controlled me with its own thoughts and feelings. Except it wasn’t a different being. It was me—a part of me—the darkness I’d suppressed for so long in my attempt to be normal. Now, the seal was broken.
As I reached for my gun safe on the shelf, I found myself numb. There was no internal debate or unsettled feelings with what I was about to do. Just purpose. The gun had been a gift from my father before I'd left for college, as a means to protect myself. I entered in the safe’s code and pulled out a sleek silver pistol and matching silencer. The silencer had been a gift from my father’s enforcer, Jameson. My family was… complicated.
I screwed on the silencer as I listened in on what was going on in the other room. Tom was talking about going downstairs to get something, then teased Tina about round two. I scrunched my nose.
I peeked out to see Tom leaving the room in only his boxers. Tina was laying on her stomach, playing on her phone. Her back was to me, which was giving me a direct view of her skanky ass.
I pushed open the closet door soundlessly and stepped toward the bed. The floor creaked beneath my foot. The sound wasn’t loud but still pierced the silence like a bowling ball tossed through a china shop.
I froze.
“Back for round two, baby?” she teased, turning around. Her eyes widened when they met mine. I was too quick for her to react in any other way. Raising my gun, I struck her as hard as I could across the temple. Her body flew back on the bed, unconscious, blood trickling down the side of her face. I took a seat next to her legs on the bed and waited.
Tom had a smile on his face and a bounce in his step when he returned.
Until he saw me.
His smile fell as he stood frozen in shock. He noticed my gun before his focus shifted to Tina behind me. Fear took root in his light brown eyes. He lifted his hands, palms out. I knew he was going to try to explain, spewing nothing but excuses. It was what any cheating, lying bastard would do. What he didn’t know was that he was already dead to me. He opened his mouth to speak; I took aim just like my father had taught me and shot him in the knee.
He yelled out in pain, falling to the floor. Time ceased as I stood to make my way over to him. I didn’t rush, even though I probably should have with how loud he was being, but I couldn’t bring myself to move any faster. I wanted him to suffer.
If I hadn't been so pissed off, it would have been comical the way he was rolling on the floor, cradling his knee, writhing in pain. I used the toe of my boot to push him onto his back and held him there. I aimed my pistol again, then started emptying the clip into his groin, pulling the trigger over and over again. His body jerked beneath my foot, his screams filling the room. I kept pulling the trigger, counting each release until I was down to the last bullet. I put that into his head.