\CHAPTER 1
“Shit! Shit! Shit!”
Attempting to calm myself, I relaxed my white-knuckled grasp on the car’s steering wheel and I took a deep breath. When that didn’t work, I pulled at one of the many rubber bands around my wrist. Snap! The slight sting always anchored me, temporarily pulling my focus.
I was mentally kicking myself for forgetting my flash drive—the one thing I'd needed to make sure I'd had before I'd walked out the door this morning. It held my slide presentation for my afternoon psychology class, which was going to start in thirty minutes. The majority of my grade was depending on that damn presentation, and of course, the professor had to be a stickler when it came to punctuality and liked to lock the door as soon as class started.
Stressed and pissed off were the worst kind of combination. It made it harder to keep what I called my darkness at bay. Just breathe, Maura. Reel it in. Easier said than done. Snap! Snap! My poor wrist was going to be sore by the end of the day.
Driving more than ten miles per hour over the speed limit, I pulled up to the little townhouse community, located thirty minutes outside of Trinity College, which I'd managed to cut down to twenty. I whipped my black Audi into my reserved spot like a bad stunt driver and paused when I noticed my boyfriend’s Jeep parked in the spot next to mine.
He was supposed to be at work.
Tom, my boyfriend of just a little over a year, had started working at a law firm downtown. Things had been moving along great for him there. His boss had assigned him his first case, one that’d been demanding a lot of his time, especially his nights and weekends. I’d never admit it out loud, but I was kind of relieved he was so busy.
Tom had graduated last May. The summer off together had been nice. When I'd had to return to school this fall, he'd been bored at home, still looking for a job. Our relationship had become… strained. My first three weeks back in class, all we'd done was fight. He'd wanted attention and thrown fits when I couldn’t give it to him. I was working on my master’s in behavioral psychology and the workload was atrocious. Tom had not been understanding of that. Instead, he’d made a point to make me feel guilty that my every waking minute of every day hadn't been dedicated to him.
Sighing, exhausted by the memory, I tried to remind myself it had been a difficult time for us both. The universe had decided to grant us a reprieve when he'd been offered his dream job. He was busy. I was busy. Things were better.
Despite his faults, Tom could be sweet and charming, and had that sexy intelligent appeal. He was kind of nerdy, with his goofy thick-rimmed glasses and mud-brown hair parted down the side. He loved to research old court cases as a hobby and watch Law and Order just to point out the mistakes. It was adorable. The good outweighed the bad. That was how things were supposed to be. Nobody was perfect… right?
The best of all his attributes: he was normal. He came from a normal family. He lived a normal life with normal thoughts and aspirations. Just being around him made me feel normal, which was something I’d wanted for a long time.
Was I getting tired of saying the word normal? Yes. I honestly hated the stupid word more days than not lately, but it was what I needed. It was what I'd dedicated the last six years of my life to maintaining. There’s no going back.
I jumped out of my car with my house key at the ready. In my pursuit of the flash drive, I rushed through the front door and dropped my purse on the coffee table in the living room before dashing up the stairs and heading down the hall straight to our room. I was so focused on grabbing my flash drive and leaving as fast as I could, I didn’t really pay attention to my surroundings, or else I would have noticed right away something wasn’t right.
I beelined for my nightstand, where I'd put my flash drive the night before. From the bathroom connected to our room, I heard the shower running. Tom must be in the shower, I mused as I shoved the small black drive into the front pocket of my jeans. Because I was in such a rush, I debated whether I should just leave without saying a word to him or poke my head into the bathroom to say a quick hi before rushing back out the door. I decided on the latter. If he found out I'd come and gone without caring to see him, I’d never hear the end of it.
Be more caring and understanding, Maura.
Tom was a sensitive man. Not saying I wasn’t. It was just, lately… I’d been trying very hard to ignore the fact it sometimes felt like a chore to have to be understanding toward his feelings. For the hundredth time, I reminded myself Tom was different. He was a good man, a normal man, even if he could be a big man-baby sometimes. He was extremely different than the men I'd grown up with, that was for sure.
Stop thinking about them. They’re your past, not your future. Tom is your future. I had to stop comparing my life now to what it had been before.
I shook my head to clear the unwanted thoughts before heading toward the bathroom door to get my, “Hi, sweetie! Bye, sweetie!” over with so I could drive like a madwoman back to campus.
Reaching out to push open the door, I paused. What the fuck? The sound of a feminine giggle slammed into me like a semi-truck. Standing a few feet from the door that was slightly ajar, I was close enough to hear what exactly was going down in my bathroom.
When I heard the woman moan, my stomach plummeted. I backed up, stepping on something in the process. My unblinking eyes dropped from the door, finding my feet surrounded by clothes that had obviously been thrown askew. A sleazy red bra and matching lacy thong that were definitely not mine, along with the suit I saw Tom wearing this morning before he supposedly left for work. What the fuck? I mentally repeated.
“Oh, Tom! Right there!” the woman cried out.
I know that voice!
The knife of betrayal sunk a little deeper into my back. I was almost certain it was my friend Tina’s voice. We’d been friends for five years, ever since we were dorm-mates sophomore year. Sure, she was a bit of a wild card and objectified men like they existed for her enjoyment alone, but I'd always liked that about her. She was fun and had always been a good friend to me. In the beginning of our friendship, she'd patiently coaxed me out of my shell, helped me adjust to a normal way of life, which in turn had prepared me for Tom. Hell, she'd encouraged me to date him!
I never would have thought she’d… We'd just had lunch yesterday. The entire time I'd vented about mine and Tom’s problems and the bitch had just sat there pretending to be my friend while giving me advice.
I took another step back, trying to mentally remove myself from what was happening. I needed a moment to process everything. My emotions were threatening to take over and letting that happen was never wise.
My father’s voice echoed in my head, warning me not to chase the rabbit. Stay in control.
I took a deep breath to collect myself. Once I had most of my pressing emotions locked up, I tried to think of how I was going to handle this.
Should I barge in there and watch them flounder at being caught? Should I go downstairs and wait for them to finish? Or should I go to class and pretend I didn’t see anything? Pretending seemed like the easiest and most appealing option, but what did that say about me? Could I really look the other way? I’d never been the type to allow others to walk all over me, so why was I okay with it now?
Damnit! I don’t know!
The water in the bathroom shut off, interrupting my internal debate. My eyes darted around the room, catching on the door to my walk-in closet. It was the closest place I could get to as the bathroom door started to open. I dashed into the tiny room, regretting it instantly. The closet, really, Maura?