“I…ah…” I stammered, not that he seemed to notice. He appeared deep in thought as he stared down at his hand—the one that had just been in my underwear. My stomach twisted into a tight knot the longer the silence awkwardly stretched. “Please say something?”
His eyes lifted, traveling slowly up my legs, pausing at the apex of my thighs. He frowned with what seemed like disgust. “Did I…?”
“It’s not a big deal.” I instantly regretted my words.
“The fuck it isn’t,” he snapped harshly.
I winced, dropping my eyes. You really fucked up this time, Maura.
“I’m…” My throat felt like it was clogged. What am I supposed to say? I’m sorry? “I… I have to pee.” Sliding off the bed, I bolted for the bathroom. I was running away like always. Fucking coward.
I hid, pacing the small room longer than I intended, which was just supposed to be until I got my bearings and conjured a genuine, heartfelt apology. My cowardice held me back. Jamie hadn't realized what he'd been doing. He had probably been having a hot dream about a past conquest or a future one. I'd been one hundred percent coherent while I'd just lain there letting him touch me, knowing it was wrong.
When I eventually returned to my bedroom, Jamie was gone. He probably had to get ready for the day; the sun was starting to rise. Or he was too disgusted with me to stick around. Either way, his absence left me feeling guilt-ridden.
I picked up my cell from the nightstand to look at the time. It was five in the morning and I was wide awake. I debated whether or not I should seek Jamie out. I decided not to. If he'd wanted to talk, he would have stuck around. Right? I’d wait until tonight to approach him after he got done doing mob stuff.
That reminded me that I still needed to speak with Stefan about yesterday’s incident. I’d prefer to not go over it at the breakfast table. In fact, I planned on avoiding the dining room altogether. I wouldn’t be able to mask my internal freak out with Jamie sitting across from me, which in turn would cue in Stefan that something had happened. I would rather swallow hot coals than tell my father I had taken advantage of Jamie. So that left me with no choice but to catch him before he went downstairs.
With a plan in mind, I threw on some yoga pants and made my way to the staircase that led up to Stefan’s rooms, as in plural. His suite took up the entire third floor. It consisted of his gigantic bedroom that was double the size of mine, a walk-in closet that was the size of my room, his spa-like bathroom, and a private gym which had used to be my nursery when I'd been a baby.
Once I reached the top of the stairs, one of the solid oak double doors opened down the short hallway that led to Stefan’s suite. At first, I expected it to be Stefan already heading downstairs. To my jaw-dropping surprise, Brody stepped out with wet hair as if freshly showered and dressed in his usual suit. He didn’t notice me at first as he quietly closed the door behind him. I took that as my opportunity to recover from my shock.
He took two steps in my direction before he finally saw me. His eyes widened, steps faltering. Brody had always been terrible at hiding what he felt, which was perfect for me, especially right now. All it took was the quick flash of panic in his eyes to confirm what I’d been suspecting for years. Brody’s doing the walk of shame. Hmm, I didn’t like that phrase. There was nothing shameful about two consenting adults bumping uglies. The only shame here was the reason for hiding it.
My lips curled into a you-are-so-busted smile.
He cleared his throat and straightened his shoulders. “Well?”
I had loads of questions. However, they were for Stefan, not his lover. When Stefan was ready to tell me himself about this, I’d ask everything I was dying to know. For now, I’d settle for just one question. “How long?”
He hesitated, contemplating how he should answer. “On and off for twenty years.” His honesty was as shocking as it was saddening. They’d been together for so long and I was just finding out about it now? I wouldn’t have known at all if I hadn’t caught Brody.
I had to be real with myself. Why would Stefan have told me? We weren’t close. Nodding, I passed Brody as I continued to Stefan’s room.
“You’re not surprised?” he asked.
My hand hovered over the doorknob. I shook my head and glanced over my shoulder. “I always suspected he was into men. You, however, are a surprise. Looking back, though, I can’t believe I didn’t pick up on it. You’ve never dated, you agreed way too easily to no longer hiring hot maids, and you’ve devoted twenty plus years to taking care of a very difficult man.” Stefan was very high maintenance. Brody’s responsibilities went way beyond that of an estate manager. He literally worked twenty-four-seven attending to Stefan’s every need. He made sure Stefan ate, bought his overpriced clothes, filled out his daily schedule, took care of me as a little girl, and tackled any other request Stefan threw at him while he also took care of this house and its employees. Just thinking about doing some of it exhausted me. Chuckling, I shook my head. “I used to think you needed to be sainted or you were a masochist. A lot of people would have quit a long time ago. Now, I see that you’re his partner.”
He smiled warmly, seeming happy I understood. Then his eyes drifted to my father’s door behind me and his happiness dimmed. “If you’re going to ask him about this—us—”
“Unlike Stefan, I want him to tell me something like this when he’s ready.”
Brody seemed relieved. He nodded his thanks and continued on downstairs.
I tapped lightly on the door before poking my head in. The bed directly across the room was made, undoubtedly thanks to Brody, and the smell of a recent shower lingered in the air.
“Stefan,” I called out, stepping into the room and walking toward the bed. His room was dim. The only light was coming from the open bathroom door and the muted news playing on the TV in the lounge area.
“Maura?” I turned, finding him standing in the doorway to his closet while buttoning a cufflink. He was wearing a light gray button-up shirt with black slacks. His satin tie hung loosely around his neck, waiting to be tied. “You okay?” he asked, clearly surprised to see me.
“I know you have questions about yesterday,” I said and took a seat on the upholstered bench at the foot of his bed. I patted the empty space of bench, gesturing for him to sit down. With a small smile, he gracefully made his way across the room to sit next to me.
I didn’t waste time and dove right into it. I recounted everything and I mean everything that happened yesterday. He asked why I hadn't been paying attention to where I'd been walking when I'd run into Greg and I answered honestly. I told him I'd kissed Jamie and had been confused. He looked a little surprised by that tidbit but made no comments about it. Then I explained why I'd freaked out, flashbacks, satisfaction, guilt, and all. I told him I felt like a monster.
“You’re not a monster. You just take after me,” he said and stunned the hell out of me by giving me a hug. He held me tightly, offering comfort. I didn't think I breathed the entire time. “Don’t ever doubt yourself. You’re strong and intelligent. Everyone in this family underestimates you. I’m guilty of it myself, sometimes. Trust your instincts and embrace what feels right and everything will work out. If not, I’ll make sure it does.”