“This is not what you think,” Jim rushes.
I rip my hand free of his grip. “Oh, it’s not? I’m not sure you could be caught any more red-handed than this! And, oh my God, Kim! Kim said something about it, but I didn’t believe her because I thought she was another woman you’d scorned. For me!”
“I didn’t do this for you.” He approaches with his hands raised like he knows I’m seconds from losing my shit. “Yes, I knew I was running out of time, and I needed to do something drastic to get you to give me another chance, but the drum major competition was not a part of that.”
“The hell it wasn’t!” I storm toward the entrance, wanting to get as far away from him as possible.
He dogs after me. “I don’t even understand why you’re so upset! The flute section thought it was romantic!”
I whirl to face him as I pull my cell phone from my purse. “That’s not my idea of romance. Just like a fancy restaurant isn’t. That’s my idea of lying. And no relationship is going to move forward when it’s built on lies.”
“I didn’t lie!” He reaches for me, but I step away. “You overheard me talking to the other drum majors! I said my goal was to make you fall in love with me! That was not a lie!”
“All I wanted was a fair fight.” I open my app to summon a ride. “I wanted to be worthy of the honor. All this time, I’ve been doubting myself—and for good reason. You even told me before our first game that I should be proud! You told me at the ITK party to enjoy myself because I had earned it! I didn’t earn shit! And you knew! You knew what you had done, and I was clueless! Just like the last three years! What else do you know that I don’t? Do you really think a relationship is going to last when you have all the power, and I have none?”
“You have so much power.”
“Only as much as you’ll give me,” I scoff. “I’m not going to live that way. I owe it to Sarah not to live that way.”
“This has nothing to do with Sarah, or Davey, or Alex, or the fucking drumline, or anyone else,” he argues.
“No, you’re absolutely right about that, James.” I pour as much poison into his name as I used to. “It has to do with you and me. And we’re done. There will never be an us.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
The public humiliation I’ve faced since band camp has nothing on the level of embarrassment I feel right now. I’m a fraud, and everyone knows it. I keep my head down as I walk into the band room, avoiding eye contact with the other drum majors and section leaders.
If Jim begs me to talk to him one more time, I’m probably going to get kicked out of band for the level of violence I’m itching to unleash on his sorry ass.
I take a seat to wait for Dr. Kimball to begin the meeting.
Nate sits next to me. “Since you’re obviously not acting like everything’s copacetic, how do you want to play this? Are you feeling sick tonight, so we’re running practice for you? On the rag and just in a bad mood, and you’re trying not to take it out on anyone?”
If that last suggestion was meant to make me laugh, it doesn’t. None of the other drum majors could ever use being on their periods as an excuse.
I shouldn’t be surprised Nate knows what’s going on. He lives with Jim after all. “What did he tell you?”
“That you called it quits.” Nate doesn’t mince words. “He said a bunch of other stuff, but it was kind of hard to make out because he was flat-out losing his shit and drinking like a little bitch instead of taking his ass to your apartment to work things out like a man.”
That doesn’t make me feel any better even though I’m grateful Jim didn’t do what Nate thinks he should’ve.
“Did any of you actually campaign for yourselves? Or was this a fixed election all along?”
Nate sighs. Not a good sign. “Are you gonna quit talking to me if I tell you the truth? Because I hate to break it to you, but we have a show to choreograph, and you can’t quit talking to all of us.”
“Just answer the question.” Jury’s still out on what I’ll do with this information.
“We all agreed you should have it. We couldn’t force everyone in band to vote for you, but we sure as hell tried to convince them.”
I nod. “They needed convincing. Great. That’s just great.”
“Well…” He chuckles and makes a show of buffing his nails on his T-shirt. “They did have five fine specimens to choose from. I’m sure it was a difficult decision for them.”
“No, it wasn’t. Jim should’ve had it.” Not an ounce of guilt materializes from saying that to Nate’s face. It’s just a fact.
“Yeah …” He sighs. “He thought you should have it.”
“No.” I shake my head and cross my arms over my chest. “He thought he could trick me into falling in love with him by giving me what he thought I wanted the most.”
“Head drum major isn’t what you wanted most?” Nate sounds genuinely perplexed by that idea.
“I wanted it the right way,” I clarify. “Because I deserved it. Because I earned it. Not because you guys threw the vote.”
“If it makes you feel any better, there were some people we couldn’t convince.” Tim takes the seat on my other side.
“No, that does not make me feel better. That only proves my point. I shouldn’t be head drum major. And if you were all in on it, why did you even come up with campaign ideas? Why lie to my face about it all?”
Tim slouches in his seat, his confidence taking a literal dive. “Because … Jimbo knew you’d be mad if it wasn’t a fair competition.”
“Well, I guess Jim just knows everything about me, doesn’t he?” If I put any more sarcasm into my tone, I’ll probably spontaneously combust.
“Yeah.” A shadow of towering male falls over me. “I do.”
There’s nowhere for me to run when he crouches down in front of me. The best I can do is turn my head to the side, so I don’t have to meet his gaze.
“I know you’re fucking stubborn to a fault. More competitive than a professional football player. Driven to succeed like no one else I’ve ever known. And you hated my fucking guts. So, yeah. I knew there was no way I could convince you to take this.” Jim pauses his tirade to breathe. “But since I just recently found out how much you live for everyone else, except yourself, I’m not even going to tell you the reasons why I convinced the band this was the best course of action. Because the one thing you’ve always owned is your hatred of me, and I’m not about to take that away from you when it’s the only thing you do for yourself.”
He straightens then stalks away, sitting on the opposite side of the band room by himself. Until Jake and Shannon join him.
I can’t believe it. She’s taking his side this time.
“I’m going to quit.” The statement pours out like uncontrollable vomit that can’t be choked down. I squeeze my eyes shut. Saying it aloud gives them a chance to talk me out of quitting, and that’s not my intention.
“Yeah. Me, too.”