“You didn’t think I would understand—or agree with—your idea to give the young women in band a strong female role model? Why?”
“Because you love to argue anything I say. You just did. You said their section leaders could have done for them what you did.”
That valid point aside, I’m not buying it. “Why, James? When it all came out in the wash, you didn’t even want to tell me the reason.”
“Because I didn’t know until I met Sarah how much you live your life for everyone, except yourself, okay?” He raises his voice but has enough courtesy for his sleeping housemates to keep it to a whisper-shout. “I’ve been a selfish enough bastard when it comes to you. I didn’t want to pile more martyrdom on your shoulders. I get it. Boy, do I get it. Band is your thing. Sure, you might do it because it’s one more experience Sarah will never have. But wanting head drum major? That was maybe the one thing in your life you’ve ever done for yourself. And I wasn’t about to confess my latest sin and make this about you putting others before yourself again.”
“You were the one thing I did for myself,” I murmur, sadness washing over me. “You were a risk with no guaranteed reward. In fact, our shared history was proof of just how much risk I was willing to take on. I dated John for nearly a year before he was ever allowed to meet Sarah. Even making head drum major was for her in a way because it’s just one more thing she’ll never get to try to do. One more way to make her and my parents proud of me. One more gold star on my résumé of being a qualified caretaker.” I rise from the couch. There’s really nothing left to say, but I didn’t want to leave his betrayals unanswered. I guess I’ll always compete with him. “You were mine, but the risk didn’t pay off.”
I lock the door before I leave.
He doesn’t follow.
Chapter Forty
“Get those knees up! Higher! Higher! Higher!”
The snare captain gives me the middle finger. I blow the whistle faster.
“Jesus, is she trying to kill us? Is it red-wave time?”
“Feinman, get out of formation and give me ten push-ups. If I hear you accuse any woman of being in a bad mood because of her menstrual cycle ever again, you’re gonna do twenty!” I say it with such a chipper tone that he can’t possibly argue.
The women in the trumpet section try to hide their smiles. Dr. Kimball even chuckles from somewhere behind me.
The offending trumpet groans but does as he’s told. Somehow, I don’t think they’ll tolerate that kind of insolence in the section anymore.
“Okay, now, you’re just pissing everyone off. Call a water break, so we can work on the halftime show already.”
That’s the most Jim has said to me in the three days since I walked out his front door. And he has the nerve to order me around and tell me I’m not doing a good job.
“Jimbo here thinks you still look sloppy! Go back to the end zone and run it again!”
A chorus of moans follows the band as they break formation and head back to the starting point for pregame.
I hear Kim hiss as she walks past, “I knew it! I knew they were gonna implode and take us all down with them!”
Even Jim looks confused by that passing remark.
Jake shrugs. “Shannon says half the band thought you were gonna get married and make band geek babies; the other half thought exactly this would happen.”
“Well, they wanted a reality show. This is what they get,” I snap.
Jim does not look amused. I don’t really care. “You wanted to prove yourself. This is what you get.”
I flip him the bird.
He blows his whistle in my face then calls to the band at attention, “Grab a water break first! Five minutes!”
He really does love it when I hate him. A few weeks’ peace, and I’m already back to plotting his slow, torturous murder.
“If you ever do that again, don’t think I will hesitate to humiliate you in front of them by putting you in your place.”
“You go ahead and do that, sweetheart. They love a good reality show.”
Jake tries to step between us, but there’s barely an inch of room, and neither of us is willing to back up first. “Mommy and Daddy need to play nice in front of the kids. We’re supposed to portray a unified front.”
“Shut up,” Tim hisses at him.
Nate looks at Tim like he’s lost his mind.
“What?” Tim shrugs. “Don’t pretend you don’t wanna see who wins this showdown.”
“Oh.” Jim chuckles and steps back, wagging his finger at me. “Oh, okay. I see what you’re doing here. You’re trying to make them hate you. You want them to beg Dr. Kimball for a recall and a new election.”
That’s actually brilliant, but we’re already two games into the season, and the band doesn’t have time for that kind of power shift. The rookies are just starting to bloom. I wouldn’t do anything to ruin that.
“Sorry to disappoint you, but all I’m doing is running practices the way every head drum major has before me. If the band isn’t handling it well, it’s because they’re still clinging to the misogyny that a woman can’t do what a man can. You made this situation, Jim. The least you could do is enjoy it.”
I blow my whistle and address the band as they’re moseying back to the starting point, “If you want this to be the last time, then give me your best!”
“I’ll give you my best,” the drumline captain says, not even trying to fly under the radar. “Maybe a good dicking is what you need to chill.”
“What did you just say?” Jim yells.
“I will give you my best dicking if that’s what will make you happy, ma’am!” Ty salutes.
I chuckle even though Dr. Kimball steps up, red-faced and ready to hand out a suspension.
“Your best would bore me, Ty. Ask again when you’re a man and not a little drummer boy.”
The entire band oohs. Everyone waits for what will happen next.
He sputters a bit but puts on his harness and grabs his sticks. “I’m the best drummer in this line! You couldn’t handle me!”
“Okay,” I say, affecting my most unimpressed expression and tone. “So, show me. Prove it.”
Dr. Kimball and Jim aren’t happy with this outcome. Not in the slightest.
I put my hand up to stay the attack dogs. I point to Jim. “You wanted to put the first woman in State history in the hot seat.” I swing my finger to Dr. Kimball. “You want us to prove ourselves as leaders and musicians by using methods I have never agreed with. Gentlemen, you cannot have it both ways. Either let us handle things ourselves and let me prove myself, or this has all been a waste of everyone’s time and effort.”
Dr. Kimball concedes but warns, “If he steps out of line like that again, I won’t have any choice but to suspend him. That kind of conduct has never been permitted. Especially by a student leader.”
Jim looks horrified that Dr. Kimball is willing to give Ty a second chance. “If he ever talks to you like that again, a suspension is going to be the least of his worries. I’m gonna take those drumsticks and shove them up his—”