Hearing the slight catch in her voice, John broke the kiss and quickly asked, "What's wrong, kitten? Did we hurt you last night?"
The beautiful American's eyes instantly began to water as she turned her head away from him and took a deep, shaky breath. When her eyes met his again, she said, "Yes, you did hurt me, John, but not like you're thinking. Why couldn't you just talk to me last night? Why did you have to do that punishment crap? I really don't even understand why you're mad at me."
Pulling away from her, John raked an agitated hand through his midnight hair. He hated the tears he saw in her eyes, especially because he knew he was the cause. The guilt he was suddenly feeling was almost suffocating. Avoiding Gillian's direct gaze, he said, "Look, I'm sorry if I hurt you. That wasn't my intention, kitten, but you can't put yourself in harm's way. You're important to me, dammit! If something happened to you—"
"I didn't put myself in harm's way, John!" Gillian cried, jumping off the table and walking up to the Brit. "I went for a jog and a burger, for crying out loud! I not only had Duff with me, but I had a whole damn league of guards! I could understand you being upset with me if I just took off by myself, but that's not what happened!"
"You'll fucking do as I say, kitten!" John yelled back, towering over her. "I will not take chances with you or your safety, especially after what occurred in France."
"France? Now, you want to talk about that?" Gillian yelled sarcastically. "I thought we would just continue to avoid it, like we have been!"
"I'm not avoiding it."
"Aren't you, John?" Gillian asked as the tears threatened to spill from her eyes. "I needed you after what happened with Galen and Pandora, and you left me here in this damn prison to deal with it myself! I'm scared, dammit! You don't think I haven't thought about what happened a million times! I could have died, John! I thought Galen was going to choke me to death, and do you know who I thought of during that? You, dammit! I was worried that Galen would come for you next!"
John immediately pulled a crying Gillian into his arms and held her while he stroked her silky hair and back. "Please don't cry, kitten. I'm so sorry, baby," the Brit said softly. "I'm a fucking bastard who was only thinking about his own needs. When I found out Galen had taken you, the only thing I could think of was getting to you, love. Then when I saw your lifeless body on the couch…"
Gillian looked up and saw the unshed tears in John's eyes. She also saw raw emotion and fear in their blackened depths. Gripping his face in her hands, the American brought his lips to hers in a soft, warm kiss. "John, I was scared too," she replied in a whisper soft voice as she rubbed his bearded face lovingly. "The thought of never seeing you again was terrifying to me. I know our relationship is new, but I have loved you since the moment we met. It's hard even finding words, Bear, to tell you exactly how I feel. I just want to be given the chance to do so. I have gone my whole life hiding, and I'm tired of it. As I told you in France, I want a relationship with you, but you have to be willing to meet me halfway, baby, and that includes talking to me."
"I'm not Pat, kitten!" John barked, unnerved, pulling away from Gillian. The Irishman had been the only person in his life to ever know what John was thinking or feeling, and here, his kitten stood before him, reading his thoughts. The British billionaire wanted to share his feelings with her but didn't think he could. More than that, he was afraid that he would frighten her away or show her how truly weak he was. "I can't just open my mouth and talk to you the way he can! I don't know what in the fuck you want from me! I feel as though I'm standing here bleeding all over you as is! What if I can't be what you want, kitten?"
"You can, and you are, Bear!" Gillian urged with tears rolling down her face as she watched him drop in a chair and cover his face with his hands. She quickly approached him and removed his hands from his face before straddling his lap. "Look at me, John." When he did so, she said, "I'm not asking you to be Patrick. For this relationship to work, all I want is you to love me and trust me. I also want you to be honest with me about your feelings. I'm not asking you to recite sonnets, just talk to me. I understand that you express your emotions sexually, and I'm okay with that, but sometimes it helps to talk about stuff. Please tell me you are at least willing to try, Bear."
"Of course, I am, kitten," John replied gently, wiping the tears away from her lovely, porcelain face. "This love shit is new to me, and I know I'm fucking it up, but I do know that I can't live without you in my life. The times when I'm away from you, it's pure torture. My body physically aches, and I withdraw like a fucking heroin addict."
The smile that touched Gillian's face was extraordinary. Kissing his lips again, she said, "See, was that so hard? I love you too, Pooh Bear, and trust me, I know exactly how you feel because I feel it too."
John smashed his lips to Gillian's as he ran his hands up her thighs to her backside. He gently massaged the sore skin as his tongue mated with hers. John absolutely loved his kitten! Somehow, she got him, or she at least appeared to. The Brit could feel his cock growing in his pants but knew that he needed to give his woman some time to rest, especially for what he had planned for tonight. Seeing Gillian wince in pain, John stopped his movements and brought his hands up her sides to begin massaging her breasts.
"I want to fuck you right now, kitten, but I think you need a break," John half growled, fully aroused. "I might have been a little rough last night."
"Might have been? I think the words you are looking for are, 'kitten, I was a beast last night, and I'm sorry'."
A handsome smile crossed John's face at the sarcasm in her voice. "I am sorry if I hurt you. However, when it comes to your safety, kitten, there will be no yielding."
Letting out a sigh, Gillian rolled her eyes. "John, remember how we had that conversation about compromising? I understand that you want me to have the guards, and I'm all right with that, but you can't keep me cooped up in this house like it's a prison. All I ask is that you let me leave the house from time to time. I promise I will take Duff, the guards, whoever you want! I will also text or call you, so you know exactly where I'm going. If you feel that it's too dangerous, then I'll head home. I think that's a fair compromise, Bear, don't you?"
John looked into the most beautiful pair of emerald eyes as he listened to her speak. Patrick had basically said the same damn thing to him. Until meeting him, Gillian had done what she wanted, when she wanted. He could tell by her face that she understood the danger she was in. The least he could do was make her life a little easier by allowing her some sense of freedom. John knew that Duff would risk his life for her and that his men would as well.
"Fine, kitten," John agreed through clenched teeth as the smile on her flawless face grew. "You have Duff and the guards with you at all times, you call me before leaving the manor, and you do not, at any time, leave England unless you are with me or Pat. You will also continue to keep a tracking device on you at all times just like I wear."
"So, that's how you knew where to find me in France. Where is it hidden?"