But as they walked back to the same path that had brought them to the Devil’s Rock on Kupala Night, fear wouldn’t stop stalking Adam, a constant reminder of the cuts on his hands.
“Do you think he’s back?” he eventually choked out, curling his hands to his chest under the blanket.
Emil swallowed. “You won’t like to hear this, but I think he’s never left.”
Adam stopped, his toes digging into the carpet of fallen leaves. The soft rustle of the trees above gained a low undertone, as if something deep in the woods had just blown a horn. “What do you mean?”
Emil pulled him into a hug, as if the argument they’d had last night was long forgotten. He’d lost so much, yet he still had enough strength left in him to offer Adam support.
“I mean exactly that. You haven’t been exorcized. Whatever was inside of you that night is still there, and for some reason, it wanted to come out tonight.”
As soon as Adam heard that, the strange heat inside him flared, an indication of the presence that shouldn’t be there. “I should have told Father Marek,” he whispered, meeting Emil’s gaze. This past summer had been the happiest in his life, and to think that the disturbing presence had lived inside him all along—watching and feeling all he had—felt like an assault on his intimacy. He could practically sense the beast’s claw marks on his back.
Emil kissed his temple. “Is Father Marek really someone who’d understand this?”
Adam leaned into the caress, climbing to his toes when Emil’s arms slotted around him, enclosing him in a cocoon that promised absolute safety. Maybe it was naive, maybe the demon wanted him to believe it, but as they stood in the quiet forest, before the sun was even all the way up, he felt invincible. “I guess not. But I have to do something,” he whispered, rolling his forehead against the firm chest.
With his mouth dry, Adam shifted closer and took hold of Emil’s forearm, briefly distracted by the hair tickling his palm. “We should go. Board the bus and just go.”
Emil cocked his head. “Huh? It’s Forefathers’ Eve tonight. And tomorrow’s All Saints’ Day. There won’t be any busses, and my motorcycle—.” He gave a low exhale, but what had happened to everything Emil owned didn’t need to be said out loud.
“Then let’s borrow Father Marek’s car and have him pick it up later.”
Emil took hold of Adam’s hands. “I understand you’re freaked out, but I’ll keep an eye on you. If you feel the same in two days, we’ll arrange something, okay?”
Adam’s chest clamped down around his heart, and he massaged his breastbone, struggling to keep a clear head.
It was getting brighter now, and the first birds called out somewhere in the distance, greeting the approaching day. Adam didn’t want to go back to reality yet, stuck between the misery of truth and the need to forget about the being that found enjoyment in wrecking his life.
The air smelled of falling leaves. And of Emil. Their summer was almost over.
Maybe he really was being too hasty? Two days shouldn’t change anything.
His gaze settled on Emil again, and it was as if his body remembered the closeness they’d shared on the night when the demon had first struck, reacting with goosebumps and a tingle at the base of his spine.
“Maybe we should do what we did last time? To get it under control?” Adam said, trying not to choke on words too much, but it was near impossible when the perspective of parting from Emil forever was almost upon him. Because once they were out of Dybukowo, there would be no more playing house. He’d be back to living at a large parsonage, every day wondering if Emil wasn’t growing tired of the secrecy of their relationship. The pain of it struck Adam like an arrow and pierced his chest, making him bleed life itself.
For a while, Emil stared at him in silence. “As in have sex? Just last night, you refused. You don’t want to have sex with me, but now you’re asking for it, because you think it will appease the demon inside you? I’d do it for you, because… I’d do anything for you, but I don’t like what you’re saying one bit.”
Adam studied the somber expression on Emil’s beautiful face, his strong brows, which had lowered in displeasure because of him. Emil was only partially correct. Adam had avoided doing more than kissing and touching, because of the way it ended last time. But there was also an illogical, sinister voice at the back of his mind that told him what they did was somehow less sinful than penetration. It made no sense from a theological standpoint, but he kept tricking himself into thinking that way, otherwise he couldn’t share anything with Emil.
Did it even matter anymore?
“You think I don’t want you?”
Emil gave a deep sigh. “You’ve made that pretty clear last night. Are you sure you’re not cold?” he asked, moving his gaze to Adam’s chest, his lips pressing together
Adam swallowed hard, bracing himself as if he were about to crash through a glass wall, and met Emil’s gaze. “I do want you. Since we met, I hardly ever think about anything else but you. I’m afraid of what might happen, but maybe having those boundaries made it also easier to excuse what I’m doing.”
Emil wrapped his arms around Adam’s shoulders. “What do you want to do, then? I’d hate for our sex to be something you do against yourself. I want you but not like this. Not for the wrong reasons.”
“There are no wrong reasons.” Adam said, already longing for a kiss to take away his fears. “I’m afraid of taking that step because I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I want to have you inside me, whether it chases the devil away or not. I always wanted it,” he said, at once knowing just how true it was.
Emil delved in for a kiss quicker than Adam could have anticipated, but everything inside of him lit up with liquid fire as soon as their lips met. Nothing had ever felt so right. He was naked in a forest, with his hands cut, wearing only a blanket, yet fear had no place in his heart. Not in a moment so perfect. When Emil was by his side, kissing him like this, sliding his cool fingers against Adam’s burning skin, even the dirtiest of deeds were pure.
Adam let go of the blanket, and allowed it to drop into the leaves. He buried his face in his lover’s neck, and pushed against the firm body, which felt more inviting than a warm hearth on a winter night. Emil’s skin was the softest, most pleasant surface Adam had ever touched, and in a moment of madness he wished he could wear it as his coat.
“Show me how it’s done,” Adam whispered, hugging Emil more tightly as embarrassment curled in his stomach.
“H-here? You sure? You’re burning up.” But his hands already roamed over Adam’s back even as he looked around in search of villagers who might have strayed from the path to forage for mushrooms. But he didn’t stop, and Adam hoped he never would.
Adam had needed months to make up his mind about this, but now that he said yes out loud, he couldn’t have been more certain of his choice. It was as if he’d suddenly gotten tunnel vision, and Emil’s naked body over his was Adam’s only goal.
“Maybe it’s the demon, maybe he tainted me but I don’t care. Please. I just want you. Now,” Adam whispered, climbing to his toes to grind his cock against Emil’s. Heat burned at the base of his spine, sending hot streams to his limbs, cock, to his head, until he could barely think.