“Ouch. I didn’t see that coming at all, but now I get why you were foaming at the mouth.”
“Yeah. Imagine my shock when I think I’m getting a goodnight text and instead it’s a close-up of his worthless family jewels.”
Zora’s shoulders relaxed as she drank in the sound of Mike’s low laugh. For a moment, they were quiet as they sunk into their familiar easiness. After holding him at a distance these last couple of weeks, she’d missed the way they were always able to be themselves around each other. She’d had someone to talk to about Oli’s wild dates and how crazy it was living back at Patton Place with Everett and Sophia. It wasn’t just him listening to her talk about her blog and her dreams of being a published author, either. She missed him, his goofy jokes, their movie trivia wars, and the silliness in their game of two truths and a lie.
Oli told her about his breakup with Kate, and today, Zora had seen the longing in Mike’s eyes when she walked out of Bite-Sized, which meant he was there at the silent disco last Friday and he hadn’t say a word about it.
“For what it’s worth, I think that guy is an idiot. He doesn’t know how lucky he was to be with you.”
The stupid butterflies were back.
Zora’s emotions were all over the place. Every nerve ending in her body pulsed with anxiety. Her fingers and toes tingled, and she shook out her hands. Suddenly, sitting there on the floor with the only person who made her heartbeat quicken, she realized she didn’t have just one dream anymore.
Somewhere along the way, she’d found another one she’d tucked away decades ago.
Her logic was about as mixed up as her emotions. Taking a chance on Mike could mean losing sight of her quirks, hang-ups, and professional dreams, which made her who she was. But not taking the chance could also mean losing Mike, and with him, her dream of experiencing real love.
Who knew if what they shared was anything even close to love? She wasn’t willing to bet against the odds, though.
It scared her out of her mind, but she could take baby steps because she wanted him.
“Mike?”
Would it be the worst thing to fall for a friend who cared about and supported her and kissed like heaven?
“I’m still here.” His voice was gentle and patient.
With the rules officially thrown out the window, Zora took her first baby step. On a deep inhale, she stood, and opened the door. Her heart felt like it might come out of her chest. “Just so you know…” She took a deep breath. “I wish I would have turned around and stayed with you tonight, too.”
Chapter Eighteen
Mike
Mike couldn’t take his eyes off of Zora.
They were standing only inches apart. Without the door between them, it felt like they’d moved mountains and oceans to get back here. But he was so scared of messing up, he didn’t move.
“Say something,” she breathed. He could see her chest rising and falling in anticipation, but the words wouldn’t come to him. “Please.”
“I missed you?” He hated how it came out like a question. “I mean, I missed you, Zo,” he said again with more conviction in his tone. It was the truth—not just her body and her heart, but her wild and overly analytical mind and the way she made him feel.
This was his opportunity to finally tell his truth.
Before he could move to say another word, Zora threw her arms around his waist and he was lost in a storm of warmth and her sweet coconut perfume. He let his chin rest in her hair as he drew her in tighter.
When she looked up at him, it took everything inside him not to kiss her.
Not yet.
“Can we talk? There’s something I need to know,” he said.
Her eyes filled with questions and worry.
Mike met her gaze. “I just don’t want to ruin this again.”
Reluctantly, he let go of her and took her hands, guiding her toward the twin guest bed. They sat facing the bookshelf with their fingers still intertwined and their backs against the wall and feet hanging off the side. It was quiet and warm like someone set the scene for them to cross this last bridge before they could move closer to the sunset.
“What is it?” Zora asked once they were settled.
Mike swallowed and lifted his chin. “Every time I’ve tried to talk about this with you, you’ve either changed the subject or walked away, but we need to clear the air. I’ve been lying to myself all this time about you and I can’t deny it anymore. I want you. Only you, Zo.”
She squeezed his hand, and a soft smile spread from her lips to her sparkling eyes, sending warmth coursing through him. She had to know what he was asking.
“I won’t even talk. I’ll just listen,” he said.
With a little shrug, she seemed to resolve herself to get it over with and began. “Four years old is really too young to understand what it means to lose your mother, you know? I mean, I vaguely remember some of the changes in her, like when she stopped reading bedtime stories to me and began sleeping a lot.” Zora pressed her fingertip to her lip and shook her head. “I’d beg her to play and make cookies like we used to, but it was like one day she just stopped caring. And then, she was gone.”
Emotion clogged in her throat and Mike nodded for her to continue.
“Then Joseph was gone, too. So, all I really knew after she died was Ev and Grandma Babs, which was fine for a while. But as I got older, I saw other girls with their mothers laughing and doing stupid things together,” she laughed. “Like bra shopping and eating at ridiculous mall restaurants, and I was jealous.”
Zora’s eyes were red-rimmed and glossy, but she kept going. “I know this is not what you wanted to know, but it’s all part of it.” She shrugged and shifted on the bed to cross her legs and face him. “It’s all related because by the time I was eighteen, I was too good at wearing the mask. I knew how to joke my way around the hurt, and distance myself from anything or anyone who could jeopardize the person I was becoming. I was so afraid of letting anyone in and standing there while they slowly chipped away at the good parts of me like Joseph did to Mom.”
“Yeah.”
“What I remember of her had nothing to do with empty pill bottles or seeing her laid out on the bathroom floor through the crack of the door. To me, she was this vibrant, red-lipstick-wearing goddess who was strong, wore bright colors, and spent her quiet moments with her nose stuck in a book. From the stories Babs and Ev told, she was super funny and wild, ran around the house, jumped out from dark corners to scare us, sewed, and she loved so hard it hurt. More and more, I hated the idea someone could strip all of it away because she’d given him access to her heart.” Zora finally peeked up at Mike. “So, I built a wall around mine.”
He registered the mix of, joy, and anger in her tone. “I know all about them. The problem with walls is they keep everything out, including love trying to get in.”
Zora swiped a tear from her cheek.
“She would have turned fifty the day you found me in the cellar. I’d been thinking about all the moments she and I missed. It broke my heart to know she wouldn’t see me find love, make a million mistakes, or get married and have children of my own, and I was falling apart. I wanted to drink away the memories and the emptiness inside of me.”