‘Should I even be talking to you? You’re the strange one who sits in a bar and doesn’t drink.’
I glare at him. ‘Look, I’m getting another drink!’ I wave at the barman, who has been lurking for the past ten minutes, looking pointedly at my glass, but has now decided to bugger off out of range.
‘Haha, gotcha!’
I ignore his triumph. ‘Why did your friend go?’
‘Things are a bit shitty for him right now.’ He shifts uncomfortably, then changes the conversation. Interesting. ‘Why does a girl like you need help from a guy like me?’
Good question; however, I think it’s a rhetorical one and he won’t welcome a full answer. I take a deep breath and decide to go for it anyway, well at least some of it. After all I will never ever see him again, will I? ‘Okay. Do I look desperate to you?’
He studies me for a moment. It’s a bit unsettling.
‘Don’t think about it too long!’
‘Sad, lonely, maybe a bit grumpy.’
‘Hey, less of the gr—’
He holds a hand up to silence me. ‘Though some girls get grumpy when they’re not getting enough.’
‘Enough?’ Even as the word comes out of my mouth, I know it is a mistake.
‘You know … sex.’ He has got a dirty grin, a very dirty grin. He probably thinks he looks sexy and endearing.
‘I am not desperate for,’ I realise I am talking rather loudly, so lower my voice to a hiss, ‘sex.’ He could have a point though. I might be. It is so long since I had it, I’m not sure. Maybe my current mood is less to do with PMS or PMT or work, and more to do with my abandoned lady parts!
Oh my God, do I even want sex with somebody else? I hadn’t got to this point in my dating fantasy before. The pinnacle of my ambitions so far has been one full evening with a guy who I might like enough to repeat the process with.
Robbie has been my one and only for so long, sex with another man will be weird. Well weird. What if other people do it differently? What if I’m expected to do things, thingy things, with things? Oh shit! If I thought first dates were bad enough, how am I going to cope with third dates – when I might be required to undress? Look a new penis in the eye?
‘Are you okay?’ He’s peering at me.
‘I am fine! Totally fine!’ I feel sick.
He chuckles. ‘You should see the look on your face!’
Luckily, he can only see my face, and not what is going on in my head. ‘What look? No,’ I put a hand up, ‘don’t say a word. And stop laughing at me! I meant do I look desperate for a date, a guy, and before you say anything, a date doesn’t have to mean sex!’
‘If you say so.’ He leans in and gently rests his hand on my knee. It’s warm, a bit unsettling, but rather nice-unsettling. Bea would call this progress. ‘Tell me the story, babe.’
‘Please don’t call me babe, nobody says babe, and …’ I look at his hand. I probably should insist he moves it. I might have to flick it if he doesn’t remove it soon.
‘Well you won’t tell me your name, so …’
‘It’s Rosie. Rosie Brown. Okay, satisfied?’ I mean what’s the harm? He’s bought me a drink; we probably should swap names.
‘Rosie? Yeah, Rosie suits you! I’m Noah.’ He holds out a hand and when I put mine tentatively in it, he bends over and kisses the back. ‘Noah Adams.’
‘My God, you are such a flirt! Do you never stop? Can you just be serious for a moment? You’re not my type, so you might as well drop the act.’
He looks pretend-hurt, but I’m not falling for that.
‘Fire away then if you’re going to be boring. How can I help?’ He takes his hand off my knee and leaves it feeling all cold.
I take a deep breath. I am going to do this. I am going to make the next hour of my life, with this totally unsuitable guy, count. ‘Okay, you’re a man.’
‘Last time I looked I was.’
I ignore him.
‘So, you can tell me. What the fuck do men want?’ This is the question that has been bothering me since I got here. Well since Gabe didn’t get here. Well okay, since well before then. Since I realised that I don’t know how to date.
If I knew exactly what they wanted, then I wouldn’t have been stood up, would I? I would also be confident about first dates.
‘Sex, beer, food, football?’
I am a bit worried about the order of this list but will ignore it for now. ‘Can you be serious here, just for one teeny moment? I mean as far as a date goes. How do I find the right guy for me? How do I find a date? What do I say? How am I supposed to know how to do it?’
‘It?’ He grins. He’s gone twinkly again. A little dimple has appeared either side of the gentle curve of his mouth.
‘Date! Are you completely sex mad or something?’
‘You want me to tell you how to find a date? Really? A girl looking like you do?’
‘Really.’ I try and grin back, but it doesn’t work. My face won’t cooperate. I think it looks suspicious not happy. ‘What do you mean, looking like me?’
‘Cute!’
I shouldn’t have asked. He’s got a flirt-setting jammed full-on permanently. ‘This is stupid. Forget I asked.’ I slip my purse out of my bag. ‘How much do I owe you for the drink?’
He puts out a staying hand, which brushes against my arm and sets the goose bumps off. ‘You’re being serious, you want to know what men want in a woman, a date?’
‘I said forget it.’ I’m mumbling, and fidget so that we’re no longer touching; this is getting embarrassing.
‘But you found a date, he just …’
I look him in the eye. ‘Didn’t show! Blanked me, ghosted me!’ I’m embarrassed because I feel stupid. What kind of crazy impulse had taken over my normally balanced mind and persuaded me that this could work?
Okay, you don’t need to answer that. I already know. One word. Desperation.
‘People get stood up all the time, Rosie. It’s par for the course.’
‘Maybe your course, but not—’
‘You’re upset. Come on, let’s get another drink.’
‘I should go.’ Not talk to strange men in bars about my dating disasters. ‘I’m not upset.’ Well not much.
‘Stay, why go home and sit in the dark eating ice cream and watching people pretend snog on the TV when you can chat to me?’
He twinkles at me, in a nice, not over-flirty way. I am tempted. And, how did he know I was going to do that? If he’s a mind-reader this could be useful, but also bad.
‘Come on, for my sake as well.’ He shrugs. ‘I’ve not got anywhere else to go. You’d be leaving me all alone.’
‘You’d soon pick up another girl.’ I grin back at him.
He looks around. ‘Place seems pretty short of single women right now.’
‘True. I can see you’re really stuck!’
‘So I’ll sit here and bother you! Come on, Rosie, spill! If you want to that is, or we can talk about me, yeah me!’
I laugh, I can’t help it. He’s funny. ‘Okay I’ll have a drink if it makes you happy, but it’s my round, okay? And I’m not upset, I’m angry.’