“Go sleep at Jon’s. Don’t drive back yet.” Jacob’s voice was gentler now.
“Yeah. That’s what I’ll do.” She rolled her shoulders. “And we will talk again.”
Apparently satisfied that she’d had the last word, she left on that note, leaving behind a tension thicker than pea soup fog.
“Hell. That was not how I wanted that to go.” Jacob slumped forward once she was gone. “Although, it could have gone worse. That’s gotta count for something, right?”
“She said she’d think. Maybe all she needs is time.” He wasn’t so sure, but seeing Jacob sad made him want to offer up whatever reassurance he could. “And she does love you. She’s not going to shut you out.”
“Yeah. But if she tries to turn on you, I’m not having that either. You chose me. Least I can do is return the favor.”
“I didn’t choose you,” Linc corrected him.
“What?” Jacob’s eyes narrowed, hurt flashing there. “I thought...”
“It wasn’t ever about choosing you over the family or anyone else. I know you thought it was, and I’m sorry for that. It wasn’t about whether you were enough. You always were. It was about me. I had to choose me, like you said. I had to choose to put myself first. Had to decide that I was enough, not you.”
“Don’t be stupid,” Jacob said thickly, squeezing his arm. “You are. You’re one of the best guys I’ve ever met.”
“Thanks. You thinking that about me...it means a lot. But anyway, I had to decide that me being happy matters. My needs and wants matter too. Not only everyone else’s.”
“Yup.” Jacob nodded vigorously. “And I make you happy? For real? You want me around long-term? Everything that brings with it?”
“Always.” Linc tried to roll toward him and had to wince when his various injuries reminded him where they were and why. “You’ve always made me happy. Took me a long time—maybe too long—to decide I was worth that. That it was okay to let down others if it meant me happy and with someone I care about.”
“You’re not letting anyone down.” Jacob moved to sit on the side of the bed again, tenderly touching Linc’s face. “Quit thinking that way. Anyone who has a problem with you happy or us together can deal.”
“Yeah.” Linc would have to work on believing that one, but he understood what Jacob was saying. “And I’m not asking you to choose me over your family or anyone else. That’s not how this works. Doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You can have both.”
“But if they won’t have you—”
“Then we wait them out.” Linc wanted to believe that maybe time would thaw some objections. And if it didn’t, they’d still cope. Together. “I meant what I said. I’m not giving you up.”
“And the other... You meant that too?”
Linc knew what he was asking, knew what he wanted to hear again. Maybe if he said it enough, Jacob would start to believe it. “I love you.”
Jacob’s eyes fluttered shut, almost like he was inhaling the words, absorbing them at some cellular level. Good. Linc didn’t expect him to say them back, not yet. But Jacob believing him would be a good start. And when his lips found Linc’s again, a good start seemed like more than enough for both of them. All they needed was a start.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“I’m not made of kindling,” Linc grumbled as Jacob helped him get settled in the truck. His pinched expression said that his leg was already aching, not that he was about to own up to it, not even after the nurse handed them the discharge paperwork and wheeled away the now-empty chair.
“Just let me help.” Jacob was frustrated too, both with how his own cast made helping Linc hard and with all the red tape surrounding Linc’s discharge.
“Fine.” Linc was still too pale, bumps and bruises on his face stark, and giant black leg cast an imposing presence. It had been a long couple of days—first the observation for the concussion, then the ACL surgery, then recovery from the surgery. Jacob had stayed with him that first night, but the second Linc had chased him away, sending him back with McKenna and Kelley who’d come to visit Linc.
They hadn’t had much alone time at all, due to a steady stream of interruptions from nursing staff and doctors and endless visits from their concerned coworkers and families. His room had filled with balloons and flowers from well-wishers to the point that Linc had sent the balloons to the children’s floor and asked for the flowers to be given to geriatric patients in need of some cheer rather than try to haul them home.
And then they’d be alone where they could talk freely about the future at last. That future still felt a bit... nebulous, a low-hanging smoke cloud that defied efforts to predict its path. Oh, Linc said all the right things, especially after Jacob’s mom had left in a huff the other day. And Jacob did believe he’d changed. It was more that Jacob was still working on trusting those changes to stick around. He hated how off-kilter he felt, like a carabiner with nothing to hold. He was still off work until the following week when he’d be on light duty after the orthopedist cleared him. Not having work and being in this strange, new place with Linc was just weird.
By some unspoken agreement, they still hadn’t told anyone from work. Some people might have suspected something based on how Jacob had glued himself to Linc’s bedside, but that simply couldn’t be helped. He wasn’t going anywhere. And if Jacob’s mom had shared the news, it hadn’t filtered back to him. He’d had a few terse texts from her checking on how he was feeling and decidedly not mentioning Linc. But she ended each with love. So maybe not all hope was lost there. Like Linc said, they had to wait his family out. But, fuck, how he’d hoped all along that Linc would be wrong and that things would be easier.
“Do you want food on the way back?” he asked as he headed for the highway. Driving stick with his wrist cast was tricky but not impossible. Still, he was glad he’d had time earlier to figure out workarounds without an audience. The vibrations from the truck made his arm ache, but he figured he still had it pretty easy, considering.
“Nah. It was late enough when they finally cut me loose. I wanna get back.” Linc shifted in the seat, which he had all the way back and still not adequate room for the leg.
“I should have grabbed your truck. It’s bigger. You would have more room.”
“Yeah. Remind me to give you a key. Not like I’m going to be driving it anytime soon.”
“Yup.” Jacob liked Linc’s ready agreement even if it was likely rooted in practicality, not any relationship-milestone type sentiment. “Dogs are going to go nuts to see you.”