“Hi, Cas.” I reach toward the cat to pet its head, but his moody ass runs up the stairs the second I get too close. He’s never liked me. Shrugging, my eyes drift back down to the box and I use a fingertip to flick the cover back on the book nearest the top. A picture of my mother in a long flowing wedding dress covers the first page. She was so beautiful, smiling as she held a large bouquet of red roses and looking toward the sky. She and my father got married right out of high school and I can see just how young she was. Even younger than I am now. I drag a finger over the picture, smiling, then the sound of rustling upstairs grabs my attention.
“Mom, is that you?” Footsteps sound from above and I wait at the bottom of the stairs until I see her materialize.
“Hey. Sorry, I was putting a few boxes in the attic. I’ll be right down,” she says, seemingly out of breath.
“Need any help?”
“No, I got it,” she says, her long hair bouncing from her ponytail as she disappears down the hall. Moving away from the staircase, I walk into the living room, tension rolling up my body. I expect to see this shrine that Jordan spoke of but everything looks as it always does. The floor is clear of clutter, the couch is neatly set with a fluffy throw blanket and matching pillows, and fresh flowers sit in a vase on the coffee table. The only off thing about the space is the drawn curtains.
“What the hell?” I say under my breath as I walk around the room. Jordan isn’t one to overreact but whatever he saw is gone now. I’m halfway to the window when my mother starts down the stairs, the creak of the wood announcing her descent. Sunlight bleeds into the room as I pull the curtains open casting light on the dreary space.
“Better,” I say, looking out the window.
“Hey, Jelly bean.” My mother bounces into the room dressed in sweats and a white T-shirt, her hair pulled back neatly. “How was your exam?”
“Good,” I say, leaning in to give her a hug. “I tried to call you earlier but you never answered and didn’t respond to my texts.”
“Sorry, baby,” she says, moving away from me and sitting heavily on the couch. “I decided to busy myself with a little cleaning.” She’s smiling but I’m still not one hundred percent convinced. I mean, she isn’t acting weird but Jordan just seemed so concerned. Could she just be putting on a show for me?
“You sure?” I look at her with narrowed eyes as I sit next to her on the couch.
“Of course.” She laughs. “What do you mean am I sure?”
“It’s just… Jordan seemed worried about you when I talked to him, plus you sent that weird text message. ‘She can’t be here?’ What was that all about?”
“That was a message for your aunt Jill. She’s coming to visit this summer and wanted to bring your grandma with her. We were talking about sleeping arrangements and Jill mentioned them all sleeping here, but you know your grandma is severely allergic to cats. I was trying to tell Jill that Mom couldn’t be here because of Casper,” she says with a smile. “I must have texted you instead.” Leaning forward, she grabs a cup of water that I’m just now noticing is sitting next to the flower vase and I watch her without speaking. She holds my gaze as she nonchalantly takes a sip and places the cup back down before leaning back in her seat.
“Okay,” I finally say, question heavy in my voice.
“Oh lord, child. I’m fine.” She maintains her smile then pulls me in for another hug. My head lands on her shoulder as she wraps her arms around me. “I’m still a little shaken by what your father did, so I took the week off to rest and get my mind in order.” She pulls away, letting her hand linger on my shoulder. “But I got bored. When Jordan came over earlier I was in the middle of sorting through my photo books. There were a bunch of duplicates and I’ve been meaning to separate and store them,” she says.
It seems plausible. Sorting a bunch of photos could definitely be mistaken for something really weird if you don’t know what you’re looking at. It makes sense that Jordan was worried. He knows what my mother is going through, and seeing her obsessing over a bunch of family pictures while her world is breaking apart could seem a little crazy at first glance.
I nod, leaning into her again before pulling away. “All right, I just wanted to be sure,” I say, rising from the couch. “Now, what are you cooking for dinner? I’m starving.”
It’s surprisingly quiet out here. It’s never this still. I’ve been standing in front of my building for the last few minutes waiting for Shana, Lucas, and this insane blind date to start. I hate blind dates, I don’t know what I was thinking. I woke up this morning completely dreading the idea and wanted to back out, but Shana was just so excited and I really didn’t have a good reason to cancel. I tried to use the stress over my parents as an excuse but she immediately batted it down saying that sitting around depressed and alone wouldn’t make it better. And she was right. I know the reason I didn’t want to go, as much as I tried not to admit it. It just felt like I’d be betraying Jordan in some way, and that thought, of course, pissed me off and brought me full circle to the exact reason I should be doing this. I need to move on.
Shana called fifteen minutes ago to tell me they were on their way, but the longer I wait the more anxious I’m beginning to feel. God, what if I hate him? What if I hate him and I’m miserable the entire night? I push my hand through my hair and tug at the hem of my shirt, straightening it. I hate feeling so anxious.
Just as I settle into the peace, a pair of cyclists pedal through the parking lot dodging cars, their woots echoing over the sea of asphalt. I can’t wait to move out of the dorms in the fall. It’s been two long years here. This school requires underclassmen to live on campus until junior year, and at the beginning of next semester I will finally be a junior. I just have to get through this summer science course with Satchi first.
Ten more minutes goe by and I’m considering going back inside when Kyle's black SUV pulls up to the front of my building and comes to a screeching halt. I swallow hard while shifting on my feet, happy I decided to change into more comfortable shoes. At first, I was going to wear a simple black dress and heels figuring it'd be cute and stylish enough for a date. But then I remembered Shana mentioning the buggy ride the other day at our study session so I swiftly changed into a long flowing shirt and some tights. Still simple, but cute and a lot more fitting.
The window rolls down and I can see Shana smile through the tinted glass.
“Hey, hottie, you need a ride?” She wiggles her brows. My stomach does a somersault as I smile and walk over to the back passenger door. It's not like Shana and I haven't hung out with guys before but everything about this feels a lot more intense. I'm trying so hard to go into this with a completely open mind but that's the terrifying part. Jordan has always been my safety net… or, should I say, the idea of him has.
Before I get a chance to pull the door open all the way a tall guy with dark brown hair and deep set eyes materializes from around the back of the vehicle.
“Hi,” he says, “I'm Lucas.” He takes me by complete surprise and I can feel the short hesitation in my breath as I take him in.