"Hey," she answers.
"You got a minute?" I ask.
"Yeah. What's up?"
"Are we still on for tomorrow?"
"Yeah. I'm still game," she says. "Why does it sound like you’re whispering?"
I didn't realize I was until now, so I clear my throat and raise my voice. "I'm at the park. King is about to propose."
"What?!" She squeals. "I can't believe I'm missing it."
"He set it up really nicely, too. But listen. I was thinking about tomorrow. There's a lot we need to talk about and I thought it'd be best if we do it somewhere private. Away from our roommates and other distractions. Just us.. "What do you think?"
"Um… okay," she stammers. "I guess that makes sense."
"All right. I'm going to text you the address and I'll meet you there at five."
"Okay, now you're making me nervous," she says.
"I just think… just be there, okay?"
"All right, I'll be there."
We end the call and my pulse soars as I think over my plan. This shit has to go right. But either way, I'll get my answer.
I glance back up to the gazebo to see king and Cherry still eating their meal. There wasn't a lot in the basket so it must be go time soon. This is where he took her on their first date. A picnic in the park with sandwiches and grapes. It doesn't take that long to eat. Looking back at my phone, I pull up Facebook and go to Xia’s page. I can't wait to see her tomorrow. It's been a week, but with the distance between us, it feels a lot longer. My eyes linger on her profile picture. The photo shows her smiling, the light from the camera causing her brown skin to glow, making her smile look even brighter. She's wearing a yellow shirt. Her hair, usually curly, is long and straight as it hangs over her shoulders. She's so damn beautiful. I've stared at this picture many times before, dreaming of a world where I didn't have to hold back. Where I could kiss her when I want. Touch her whenever I want. Show her just how good we could be together. I swipe the screen and begin scrolling through her timeline. I check the gazebo again and my heart skips a beat. Not because the couple is now standing. And not because Cherry is jumping up and down kissing King all over his face. It’s because the first picture on Xia's timeline is of her holding hands with a guy, looking at him with a twinkle I've never seen before.
12
XIA
I hate packing. It's like torture in the most boring and tedious form. Shana, on the other hand, seems to be enjoying it. I cut my eyes over to her and watch as she hums a tune while folding a long black shirt, placing it neatly in a pile. If this was anyone else, I might have tried to get out of it, but I know she'd help me if the tables were flipped. Being a good friend can really suck sometimes.
"How did you manage to get all this stuff in here?" I got stuck packing her makeup and beauty supplies drawer, but the damn thing seems bottomless. We are almost done besides this drawer. "No one needs this many shades of pink fingernail polish," I say, grabbing another handful and packing it away.
"Oh whatever," she says, securing a piece of clear tape along the top of a box. The word clothes is written in black marker on the side. "You'll be missing me and my pink fingernails while I'm gone.”
"I really will." I pout. Shana isn't taking classes this summer so she has to go back home to San Francisco until fall and I’m going to hate every minute of it.
"I'll miss you too," she says. I smile and grab the last few items from the drawer, then look over my shoulder just in time to see her plopping down on her bed. She looks sad, and for the first time in a while I feel grateful for my father. After freshman year, he'd pulled strings to make sure Shana and I were matched as roommates each term. Come fall, we'll be moving separately into off-campus housing. She’ll be moving in with Kyle, and it will be the first time since starting college that I won't have a roommate. I'm excited, but it will be weird not having her around.
"You know, Lucas is staying for the summer, too. So… I won't be leaving you totally alone.” She grins. “Maybe you two will continue to hit it off and the four of us can do more double dates. It’s not like we have to worry about our guys getting along since they’re already best friends.” I can see the excitement on her face, and for the first time since the date with Lucas, I start to feel a bit weird. I like him, I really do, but imagining myself with him in an official sense… Just, God, I don’t know. It’s a lot. But maybe it’s a good thing. Jordan has his place in my life and maybe I haven’t been able to see past him because I’ve never tried.
“Yeah, that would be fun,” I say. Shana’s eyes narrow as if she's trying to read me.
“Okay, spill, what’s going on?” she finally says.
“What do you mean?”
“We are talking about bestie dating epicness here and you respond like I just asked you to do something dreadful.”
“No, I said it would be fun.”
“Your mouth said that, but your tone said something else entirely. So… spill.” Placing a hand on her hip, she stares at me. I didn’t plan on talking to her about Jordan. I guess I'm sort of embarrassed, but this has been so overwhelming. A part of me wants to just get it out. Hell, maybe she’ll have some advice I can work with.
“Fine.” I huff, flopping down next to her. “I’m meeting Jordan tonight.”
“ No… don’t try and change the subject.”
“Shana, he is the subject.” It only takes a second for what I’m saying to register, and when it does, shock takes over her expression.
“No fucking way. Are you two—”
“No… I mean, we have…” I fumble.
“Holy shit.”
“But it was just that one time and—”
“Holy shit,” she repeats.
“It’s not going to happen again,” I finish.
“Why the fuck not?” she exclaims. “You two are so close—like, creepy close—to be just friends.”
“No. It’s not going to—”
“I’ve always wondered about that,” she interrupts, and I stand, rubbing my palms down my face. “It’s sweet, but different, ya know? Plus… God, that boy is like walking sex… I swear, Zee you better not be punking out. You should—”
“Stop,” I say, louder than I mean to. “It shouldn’t have happened, okay?” She’s still looking at me like her eyes are about to fall out of her head and pain settles in my chest.
Her shoulders slouch and she looks at the floor for a second before meeting my gaze again. "What happened?"
"We were drunk.” I shrug. “And we agreed it was a mistake, so yeah…" I trail off.
"But it wasn't?"
"It wasn't at the time, but now…" I move to sit next to her again as a new clarity emerges through my hazy thoughts. I’ve been holding this in for so long, terrified that the moment I admit my feelings, he will somehow disappear from my life. But I can’t do this anymore. "No. It wasn't a mistake at all," I say. "It was just the wake up I needed… because you were right. I never gave real relationships a shot because I had convinced myself that deep down Jordan and I belonged together. But I'm done. I get it now. And it’s okay. I’m just going to be honest, tell him how that night affected me, and how I’ve had this embarrassing crush on him forever. Ignoring it feels impossible, especially now. Maybe we’ll be able to laugh about it and move on. He’s my best friend. Boyfriends come and go, but best friends are hard to replace and holding this in has been toxic."