She raises her eyebrows and I wait for all of the questions to follow. Why didn't I tell her? Why didn't I say something to him about my feelings? But they don't come. Instead, she bites her lip as something like sadness grows in her eyes. Probably sadness for me and how pathetic I sound right now. I definitely feel worse.
"Well, why are you meeting him tonight?"
I sigh and my gaze falls to the floor. "I guess to tell him all that." She doesn't say anything for a while and I start to imagine just how surprised he'll probably be to hear my truth.
"I think it’s great that you are going to tell him. You should. He deserves to know and you shouldn't have to keep burying your feelings. It isn't fair."
"Yeah." This time, I nod and she stands, grabbing the box and lifting it to her chest.
"How about we get this car packed and then go for lunch before I hit the road?"
"Sounds like a good idea," I say, forcing a smirk. "I'll finish this box then I'll be right down." Grabbing the packing tape from the bed, I watch as she juggles her box awkwardly then opens the door and disappears into the hallway.
After I secure my box, I place it next to the door, then grab my phone from my pocket as it chimes with an incoming text.
Jordan: 1021 Cartle Road. See you at five.
I frown at the phone as I read the message. I'm not familiar with this address. It’s outside of town and I consider doing a quick online search to see what it is, but I kind of want to be surprised. It will clearly be the only exciting thing about this dreadful night… but this needs to happen so we can move forward. I slide my phone back in my pocket then grab the box and head down to Shana's car.
My fingers tap the steering wheel as I glance from the road down to my phone and the red triangle directing my navigation. I was going to try to let the destination be a surprise but the moment I typed the address into my navigator the name popped up as Smith’s Lounge and Restaurant. Jordan and I have never gone to a lounge before, not alone anyway, so it's pretty interesting that this is what he chose. I figured we’d be meeting over drinks, but I’m starting to feel like he put more thought into this than I expected.
But maybe it's fitting for clearing a space. We can get a few drinks, have a do-over conversation, and hopefully air some things out.
I'm running late. It's after five already. And thanks to this damn map rerouting me twice, I ended up on a back road instead of the highway. Damn, I am so nervous. I've gone over my little speech so many times, reminding myself that our friendship will be better off with the truth out in the open. Lying about this sure hasn’t gotten us anywhere.
The navigation announces I'm just three miles away and I pick up the speed to try to make up time.
I pull up to a large brick building that sits in the middle of a huge parking lot. There’s nothing else around it besides what looks like a hotel in the back corner. Just like the lounge, the hotel is also named Smith’s.
I pull into a parking space and turn off my car, but I don't see Jordan’s car anywhere. He must be running late too. Grabbing my phone, I turn off my navigation and decide to call him. It rings a few times before his voicemail picks up and a bit of panic starts to rise in my chest. I check the address against his text message and confirm that I'm in the right place, then I put my phone down and take a breath.
“Okay. Relax,” I say, giving myself another pep talk.
A few more minutes go by and I start to get a little anxious as cars pulling alongside me and people walk into the building. None of them are Jordan. I try and call him again and get no answer. So weird. To occupy my mind, I pull up Facebook, noting that it’s only a quarter after five. But still, it's not like him to be late. I scroll through my news feed and look at all the pictures of my friends celebrating the end of another semester. I stop on one of Shana, who's smiling while holding a cup of coffee. Her caption reads: “3 hour road trip, here I come.” I notice a notification that I missed from Jordan. I tap it and see that he hearted a picture. It’s the one Shana tagged me and Lucas in from our date the other day. My stomach drops, but I don't know why. This is exactly what I want. I want things to be easy, but something about him liking the picture of me and another guy just hurts and proves that I was right. None of this is real and we need to have this conversation to get all the awkwardness out of the air. My eyes glaze over as I get lost in thought but the sound of my phone ringing brings me back.
“Hey,” I say, relief washing over me.
“Sorry I’m late,” Jordan says, “but I have the best fucking news.”
“What's going on?”
“I got the call. Sachi officially offered me the position.”
"Seriously?" I don’t stop the smile that grows on my face. It’s a nice break from the dread I’ve been experiencing for the last hour. “I knew you’d get it.”
"I was going crazy waiting. Then my phone died as I was running into the meeting. I had intended to charge on my way there. Sorry I didn't text you ahead of time. I'm about fifteen minutes away. Did you make it to the hotel okay?"
"Hotel? Yeah." I look up at the building in front of me.
“The Smith's Hotel. You got the address, right?”
"Yeah, I'm sitting in front of a Smith's Lounge,” I say, then remember the hotel over in the corner. "Jordan…" I pause. “Why are we going to a hotel?”
“Relax. I'm not going to get you drunk so I can fuck you again. Well, unless that's what you choose." He laughs.
“I choose?” Heat warms my cheeks as I lose the battle fighting my blush. I can't tell if he's serious, but right now the idea of spending the night with him in a hotel feels like a cruel joke. “Okay?” I say. “There's a lounge right in front of the hotel. I parked there, assuming that’s where we were going. I’ll head over to the hotel and meet you in the parking lot.”
My heart is beating out of my chest. Going into a hotel with Jordan is just giving me mixed emotions. I don't know what to think. I shouldn't think anything of it. But this is odd, even for Jordan. He’s always been an adventurous, spur-of-the-moment type of guy. It’s one of the things I love about him, but with all that’s happened between us I’m having a hard time following this. Besides the multi-family trips we’ve taken over the years, Jordan and I have never been in a hotel together. I lay my head back on the seat and wait until his car pulls up next to mine.
My stomach is in knots. I'm trying to relax but the idea of sharing a room with him is both exciting and terrifying me.
Plastering a smile on my face, I watch as Jordan pushes his door open and steps out his car. God. He looks so good. He's wearing a collared shirt and jean shorts. The shirt hugs him just enough to show the outline of his pecs and toned arms. I melt, allowing myself one final moment to swoon over him before I snap out of it and step out of the car.
"So, a hotel, huh?" I say, meeting his eyes. He chuckles as he walks toward me. "Way to not make this awkward, J."
"You look nice," he says, ignoring my jab.
"Thanks." I look up at the four-story building, then across the parking lot to the lounge. "Where'd you find this place? It looks really nice."