“I know the answer but I’m just not sure whether I should tell you or not.” I gave him my best ‘I’m waiting’ glare which worked quicker than it ever had before. Maybe my stare had improved, or maybe he was just too wasted to think logically, either way, I think I won.
Standing from his chair, he rounded the desk. I watched him closely, with wariness. He moved slowly, I don’t know if that was intentional or if that was the liquor affecting his motor skills. Finally putting his glass down on the desk, he leant against the wooden surface.
He was close. Closer than what was comfortable.
“It’s simple, really. You stole my breath away five years ago. I just want it back. I’ve spent a very long time running, trying to keep up with you. Now that I have you, I’d like back what you stole.”
His lips brushed against mine so unexpectedly. I hadn’t even noticed that he’d slowly been inching forward, indicating that his motor skills were just fine. I pushed my hands into his chest until he budged and finally stumbled backwards. I needed space between us, I didn’t trust him to be that close.
Or maybe, it was myself that I didn’t trust. But either way, I needed a clear head as his words started to sink in. I stood from my chair and started to back away.
“No fucking way.” Five years ago, I was sixteen. It clicked. Finally. He looked a whole lot younger back then. Looking at him now, through a new set of eyes I backed up as much as I could. I knew exactly who he was, and it wasn’t good.
My back cried out in fiery pain as it slammed into the study door. The pressure of Nikolai’s body coming against mine was a shock, the loose hand on my neck was outright panic-inducing. A peek up at his face had me and the snappy words on the tip of my tongue recoiling. The bombshell he just dropped was filed away in my brain for me to freak out over at a later moment.
“Tell me, do you like being a monster?”
My hands flattened against the door as I pressed my body against it as hard as possible, needing more space between our bodies. The heat radiating from him was too much for me, it was sparking things that I didn’t want to feel.
“It has its moments. Like right now.” His face may have been stony but his eyes gave off a much different expression.
Desire. I couldn’t deny that I felt it fizzle between us too, but beyond that, I had no logical thought.
I saw in his eyes the moment he realized what was happening. Like he finally checked back into reality. His hand lifted from my neck. It hadn’t been a tight grip but that didn’t matter, any pressure on your neck induced a certain level of panic. He moved back rapidly as if burned by my touch. I fumbled with the door and scampered away as fast as I could. I ran for my bedroom. I would never again complain about the boredom or isolation of being in that room alone ever again. If this was the alternative, then those four walls would become my new best friends.
“Good morning!” I sing-screeched as loud as I could without birds exploding. I’d been trying my hardest to keep quiet around Nikolai and his brothers, I didn’t know what could flip their switches. Especially after that first night, apparently Finch had not been impressed with my table behavior.
Nikolai physically flinched at the sound of my voice, so much so that he paused and reached out for the wall. I had to admit that, that look of pain that pinched his face had me do an internal jump for joy.
Man, he got it worse than I’d thought. Well, served the bastard right. It’s hard to keep the grin off my face so instead. I bowed my head, my hair curtaining around my face as I stared into my almost empty coffee cup.
I could admit I was the tiniest bit smug. Even gods fell eventually.
Suddenly Nikolai’s body straightened recatching my attention. I question whether he heard me. Had I said that aloud? I hadn’t thought so. He cleared his throat before asking, “Is there coffee?”
My eyes caught his, having been looking me up and down. Prick. I raised a speculative eyebrow, both outraged and embarrassed by his easy dismissal. O-kay, he clearly was in no mood for teasing. After last night, I had thought that there was a slight shift between us but apparently, I couldn’t have been more wrong. We were not at a stage where we could joke yet.
In response, I nodded my chin to the coffee pot I’d put on only five minutes ago. I noticed that his shirt wasn’t completely buttoned but I tried to rein myself in as best as possible. It took a lot to resist lapping up his exposed skin, the tanned and smooth glimpse was tempting as fuck.
My head bowed again at the thoughts momentarily running through my mind. I was annoyed and flustered at the same time, a seesaw of emotions that made my head pound. The shifts in my mood were definitely whiplash-worthy these days.
“I don’t drink often. Not like that,” his voice said apologetic but his words were far from it, what kind of half-assed shit was that? I watched closely as he poured his coffee, waiting…for a proper apology? I didn’t know. But there had to be more to it than that, more of an explanation.
What the fuck happened last night?
“Uh-huh. Do you remember everything, from last night?” I asked, resisting the urge to scold him.
A flicker of a grimace crossed his face. “Yes, Anastasia.”
“Really? So you know that I know...everything,” The words come out slowly, carefully. Surely if he knew I knew everything, that’d make me a liability and less worth keeping around? “You remember that you told me everything?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Just checking so that I can move on with my life, sure that you’re not going to kill me because I know too much.” I nodded, my heart pounding painfully with anxiety that I couldn’t quell.
Nikolai looked at me over the rim of his coffee cup. “What if I had lied and said that I didn’t remember last night at all? What would you have said?”
I shrugged. “I probably would have messed with you. Told you that you looked familiar, asked you if we’d met before. Then, at least in my mind, you would’ve been compelled into telling me the truth.” I paused, thinking about the other scenario. Would I have worked it out? Possibly, possibly not.
“But in all honesty, you looked familiar at the funeral. I might’ve never pieced together that you were the one that threatened my father on the night of my sixteenth birthday. But in my defense, a lot about you was different back then.”
“Not as much has changed as you would think.”
My head tilted to the side as I contemplated his words. “Maybe you don’t think so, but I can see it.”
After this morning’s heavy conversation with Nikolai, I figured I didn’t wanna bother him again. Not so soon anyway. So, instead of asking to take Achilles out for a walk - to which I expected him to say ‘no’ anyway - I went about seeking Achilles out.
I snuck around to the back of the house, where I’d found him last night and sure enough there he was, lounging in his bed.
“Achilles, you wanna come outside with me?” I cooed as I leant down to scratch behind his ears. I stood and unlocked the sliding door causing his little ears to perk up. “Come on, boy.”
He followed me obediently. I couldn’t fault Nikolai for that, he’d certainly trained Achilles well. After shutting the door behind us, I started down the paved pathway.