I loved her, and I only wanted her to be happy. I wouldn’t be able to hold her back from that, even if her happiness didn’t include me.
None of that mattered though. After twenty-four hours of putting off the inevitable, it was now or never. And it needed to be now.
I stepped into the kitchen to find exactly what I expected, Anastasia pouring her morning coffee and chomping on her cereal. If I awoke every morning to find this picturesque scene I’d have been happy. She belonged here, and I think even she knew it.
“Anastasia.” She swung around a bright smile on her face.
“What’s wrong?” Her smile dimmed as her concern quickly began to show through.
My god, she was beautiful. In every sense of the word. While adorned with only a t-shirt, jeans and her fluffy bunny slippers, she stopped my heart. It happened every time I looked at her, whether she was wearing a silk nightie or covered from head to toe in everyday clothing.
Beauty radiated from her. Like the sun, she made everything brighter. Even my outlook on life wasn’t quite so dim anymore.
“Good morning.” I wrapped her in my arms, reveling the feel of her. I kissed her lips before letting her go.
“I have some news. You might wanna sit down.” I nudged her over to the barstool and followed behind with her full mug.
I couldn’t move. Did I want to? I wasn’t sure but I knew that I needed to. We were here now and despite Nikolai’s kind words, I knew there was no turning back.
“Are you sure you want to do this? We could turn around, go back home right now. They’d never know that we were even here.”
“Nikolai. Thank you. I need to do this though, whether I want to or not.” I mean, of course I wanted to. But I was also two seconds away from throwing up. And with that thought, I opened the door of the truck and hopped out, just in case.
“Ok. I’m ready.”
We’d pulled up at the curb ten minutes ago. We sat in silence. I could tell that Nikolai was on edge but I wasn’t sure if that was the reason for his silence, or if he could sense my pathetic level of nerves. Whatever the reason, I was thankful for those few minutes as I tried to build up my courage.
Nikolai was right. We could’ve turned around, gone home and forgotten this whole big nightmare ever happened. While I was a fully formed adult now, that had never really been close with family, a part of me still yearned for a mother. I’d grown up without a mother and the hole that left in me had never been filled. I’m still reeling from all of this, everything happened so fast but my being here was propelled by my ache to meet her.
“Hello. Can I help you?” A middle-aged woman asked as she swung the door wide open. She wore a classic maids uniform and answered the call of the doorbell promptly. I had no doubt that she only worked here, most likely along with many others.
“I’m looking for Mr and Mrs Varela. Are they home?” I asked tentatively.
“Yes, dear. Please come in. Who should I say is asking?” Her eyes scanned me as she opened the door even further to let us pass. Her critical look had me questioning myself.
“Uh- My name is Anastasia? I’m a...family friend.” It didn’t hit me until I saw the blank look on the maids face. There was no recognition. Was Anastasia even my name?
Maybe it was a simple mistake, she might not have been working here back then.
“One moment.” The maid scurried back through the foyer, leaving the door open. I took the small advantage to scan the inside of the house, what I could see from my stance at the door anyway. The house was massive, bordering on mansion size. A chandelier hung in the large foyer, it was gorgeous. The sound of footsteps weren’t enough to tear my gaze from the regal crystals hung from the high ceiling.
“Yes?” A woman spoke firmly, addressing us as she entered the room, a middle aged man following closely behind. She was dressed smartly considering she was at home in the middle of the day, middle-aged but beautiful. This was her, Rachel Varela, my mother - by birth anyway. I was blown away, too afraid to speak in case my voice broke - too afraid to even breathe in case this moment wasn’t real.
The man, I assumed was my father, was...not what I had pictured. I didn’t know if that was because he wasn’t Anton or because I didn’t know what the fuck to picture. After all this time, what was I to expect. Right now he was just Kaleb Varela.
“My name is Nikolai King, and this is Anastasia Exley. Your daughter.” Nikolai’s voice gripped me, reminding me that he was right there by my side.
“We don’t have a daughter.” My mother spoke coldly, her words crushing a tiny piece of my soul. My eyes inspected her face for a lie, but she gave nothing away. I quickly started spiraling, doubting the point of this whole excursion. Were we in the wrong place? Had Nikolai made a mistake?
Was it even worth all the hassle? With that thought, my gaze flickered to Nikolai, stood tall and god-like by my side. While things between us hadn’t exactly started out typically, we’d come so far. When I asked him to find my parents, I hadn’t given much thought to the monstrous task.
“February 22nd, two thousand and two. During the night, a man broke into the south corner bedroom of your home. He left with a young girl, approximately three years old.”
“Mrs Rachel Varela?” Mother.
I had always wondered what the woman who birthed me looked like. She wasn’t what I expected but it was hard to tell because I’d never had a clear expectation in my head. The image associated with the word ‘mother’ had always been a faceless, colorless woman. I’d never seen photos, I’d never known what to expect. But then again, I’d been told my mother had died giving birth to me.
It was beyond my wildest dreams that I was here meeting her in person.
“How do you know all this? You just expect us to take your word for it, that this is our daughter?” She spoke once again, to Nikolai. She threw a speculative glance my way. Immediately, I wondered what she thought.
“Why now?” Kaleb - my father asked, showing just as much speculation as Rachel.
“I understand you have a lot of questions, maybe it would be best if we talked in private. I know this is very overwhelming for Anastasia.” Nikolai pleaded with them.
I wanted to hear their conversation but at the same time, I wanted to bury my head in the sand and pretend everything was okay - or throw up. I stayed silent, watching as my ‘parents’ stood still - not budging an inch.
“Please,” Nikolai barked out, making the placid word sound like a strict command. One that they reluctantly followed, shuffling their feet as they led Nikolai away, thankfully. He flashed me one last look. I tried not to stare, to not read anything into it but I wanted to. I wanted that one look to mean so much more than what he’d probably intended. Another issue I’d have to come face to face with eventually. But, for right now, I knew I just needed to be strong enough to hold myself together. For a few more hours at the least.
I heard nothing as I stood awkwardly waiting in the foyer. I had expected to hear raised voices, I’d seen how quick Nikolai could be to lose his temper, but I heard nothing. Not even a whisper.
Minutes passed, filled with me inspecting the artwork on the walls. Not exactly my taste but I had no doubt that they weren’t hung because they fit anyone's taste, they would’ve been worth more than everything I owned. I rethought that thought with a snide chuckle. At that precise minute, I owned a lone suitcase full of Target-bought clothing.