And just who was going to protect me from him?
"Dino dining!"
As Elliot yelled the phrase, he and Cruz jumped into action to cover my youngest son's eyes and ears, eliciting a warbled laugh from Ryan. My child's delight made everything in my world right at that moment. But I had a feeling it wasn't only because of my son’s innocent joy as his big brother and Cruz made the entire movie experience a thousand times more memorable. No, I was afraid that a good deal of my contentment came from the man sitting on the other side of the living room.
From the moment the movie had started, I'd been on edge that my relationship with Matias would get outed and ruin the evening for everyone, but if Cruz and Elliot had noticed anything odd about my interactions with Matias or, in this case, my lack thereof, they didn't make it obvious. There were no questioning or confused looks from either my oldest son or his boyfriend. By the time the first character had been killed off in the movie, I'd finally started to relax and now as the film was nearing its end, I was caught up in both the action on screen and the things that were happening off it, as well.
Mainly, the looks Matias would send me whenever his brother and Elliot were focused on the television. They were looks of promise and more than once I’d had to excuse myself on the pretense of getting more popcorn when, in fact, what I'd really needed to do was get control of my crazy libido. As much fun as I was having watching Ryan enjoy the movie he'd been waiting so long to see, I was also watching the clock like a hawk. It was already slightly past Ryan's bedtime, so my hope was that he would start to tire quickly after the movie came to an end and I'd be able to get everyone out of the house and my youngest put to bed so the second half of my night could begin. From the way Matias was watching me from across the room, I had to believe that his mind was on the same track.
"Dino done," Elliot announced. Ryan's giggles quickly settled down as the action in the film picked up. I found myself getting caught up in the final scene where the heroes of the story were running from the most dangerous of the dinosaurs, so I didn't notice anything amiss at first. When I happened to shoot Matias a quick glance, I saw that he was staring at his cell phone. That, in itself, wasn't completely unusual, but when I looked at Cruz, I saw that he was watching Matias as well. And Cruz did not look happy.
I tried to focus on the movie, but I kept finding myself looking back and forth between the two brothers. It seemed like there was some kind of silent argument going on between them, though Cruz was clearly coming out as the loser. Elliot began to notice as well, but fortunately, Ryan continued to focus on the film.
Suddenly, without warning, Matias stood and then he was heading for the front door without a word. His eyes were still glued to his cell phone.
Cruz shot Elliot a brief look and then he was climbing to his feet and hurrying after his brother. Elliot, for his part, remained focused on his little brother. I stayed where I was, even though all I really wanted to do was go after Matias and make sure he was okay. But I didn't have the right to do that. Despite the volume on the television, I could still hear raised voices coming from outside. Elliot looked up at me, clearly concerned, but I knew he wouldn't leave his brother’s side. I used that as an excuse to get up and move across the room. As I made my way to the front door, I heard Cruz say, "Matias, I’m asking you, for once, not to!"
By the time I got the door open, Cruz and Matias were no longer in conversation. In fact, Cruz was making his way back up the walkway toward the house while Matias was heading to his car.
"Everything okay?" I asked Cruz as he reached the front door.
"Yeah," he murmured as he glanced over his shoulder at his brother. I didn't believe his response for even a moment. Nothing about what was happening was okay. Cruz stepped past me and went into the house. I knew I should've followed him, but as I watched Matias’s broad shoulders get swallowed up by the darkness, I had this weird sense of foreboding. I remembered the last time I'd said goodbye to Mac. I hadn't really said goodbye to him because I hadn't seen him that evening when he’d left for work. Instead of making an effort to get home to join my man for dinner, I'd stayed late at the office because I'd been desperate to climb the corporate ladder.
The idea of having this particular image of Matias being my last one was unacceptable to me, so I pulled the door shut behind me and hurried down the walkway.
"Matias," I called as I quickened my pace to catch up to him. But he didn't respond, which hurt.
It hurt like a motherfucker.
I called his name again on the off chance that he hadn't heard me, but all he did was pause momentarily and then he continued walking. He didn't look over his shoulder at me. He didn't say anything to me. He didn't do anything but get to his car, climb in, and drive away.
I told myself to pull my phone out and call him. To send him a text to make sure he was okay. But I couldn't get my mind off that last moment. The one where he’d had the chance to talk to me, to send me a look telling me everything was okay, but hadn't.
Pain mixed with nausea in my belly as I stood there staring at the receding taillights. As I turned and walked slowly back toward the house, I thought about what Matias had said about not being able to say goodbye to me after we'd had sex in my garden shed. He’d said it was because he'd known it wasn’t really goodbye. That being with me the one time hadn't been enough. I wanted to believe that was the case here, but deep in my heart I knew it didn't matter.
Because the reality was that I'd brought this moment upon myself. When Matias had confessed he didn't want a relationship, I hadn't had the strength to admit that I did. I hadn't even been willing to admit it to myself.
Just like I hadn't been willing to admit that I was well on my way to losing my heart for the second—and what I knew without a doubt would be the last—time in my life.
Chapter 17
Matias
I could easily say that few people ever got the jump on me. Ronan Grisham was one of those few people.
I was usually much better about noticing my surroundings, but needless to say, my thoughts were entirely focused on the occupants inside the house rather than outside of it. The fact that my boss was lurking in the very shadows I'd often lingered in myself as I'd watch Sam from afar was surreal, to say the least. By the time I had my gun drawn, Ronan was already stepping into the light. If he'd been an assailant, I would've already been dead and Sam and Ryan would've been left completely vulnerable.
"I suppose you want me to apologize," I murmured as I returned the gun to my waistband.
"What is it exactly that you would be apologizing for?" Ronan asked. "Leaving without telling anyone where you were going? Staying gone for two weeks without so much as even a text telling your brother you were still alive?"
Ronan glanced at the house. "Worrying him sick?"
I'd expected Ronan to bring up the first two points, but the reference to Sam caught me off guard. My immediate concern had me giving away more secrets than I'd intended because at Ronan's words, I instantly stepped forward, grabbed the man and barked, "What happened? Is he okay? Did something happen to Ryan?"