‘Coffee?’
He looked cute – a hint of sleep around his eyes, like the coffee hadn’t quite kicked in. I nodded and pulled out a chair beside him, accepting the mug with more appreciation than was necessary.
‘Sam, you were supposed to check the shared diary first. You can’t just keep booking things without asking me.’
Joshua and I both turned our heads in the direction of Jamie’s voice as she walked in to join us in the kitchen, Sam trailing behind. Somewhere during the last month filters had fallen by the wayside. Jamie grabbed two mugs from the cupboard and filled them with coffee, passing one to Sam.
‘I was trying to use my initiative,’ Sam said and took a sip, raising his eyebrows at me and Joshua as Jamie reached into another cupboard for the cereals. It was a nod to yesterday’s disagreement, the one about Sam’s inability to pre-empt anything. Joshua and I exchanged a wink. He resumed his serious face before Jamie turned back around.
‘I know, baby, but we keep double-booking ourselves and I don’t know if I’m coming or going,’ Jamie replied, free hand on her hip. Unlike me, she didn’t have a scrap of make-up on and yet she still looked better than me, a little more tired than when we’d first met, perhaps, but still better than me. Maybe now wasn’t a good time to remind them about tonight.
‘It’s okay.’ Jamie sighed, softening upon seeing Sam’s sorry expression. I had been a sucker for it too. ‘Let’s have a look at the diary now,’ she continued, walking across to the sofa. Obediently, he followed suit. Joshua rolled his eyes and leaned in closer to me.
‘You look beautiful,’ he said, taking in my silk dress and made-up face. I looked up at him, glimpsing a genuine look of admiration on his face. I savoured it as best I could while still trying to catch clipped ends of conversation from the other side of the room. ‘But a bit too… erm…’ He searched for the word, as I cast a nervous glance towards my cleavage. Too much? Not enough? ‘Bit too polished for surfing. Thought we were going to squeeze in a session before work?’
‘Oh shit.’ Between the exhibition, my chat with Zoe and tracking Sam and Jamie’s straining relationship, I had completely forgotten. That, and the fact that the only pre-work activity that had been on offer in recent years was breakfast.
‘That’s okay, we don’t have to.’ Joshua took another sip of coffee, failing to mask his disappointment. ‘You’ve got a big day after all.’ At least one person had remembered.
‘No, no, it’s fine,’ I objected. He’d biked all the way over; I couldn’t just blow him off. ‘Let me just get changed.’
Joshua’s bearded face broke into a smile, warm and familiar.
‘You guys going surfing?’ Sam lifted his head from the wedding planner to enquire across the room; all three of us could detect the disappointment in his voice.
‘Yeah, well, I get a slightly later start today and…’ I trailed off, noting Jamie’s intensifying stare and tightening grip around Sam’s shoulder. I was distracting him. Again.
‘Just a quick one, mate.’ Joshua saved me from a look that could kill. ‘Jamie said we could borrow your car for the boards, head up to Bondi.’
‘Oh, did she?’ Sam narrowed his eyes from us to her, pretending to be pissed off even though we all knew the only thing annoying him was that he wouldn’t be hitching a ride to the water with us.
‘Got a spare half hour?’ Joshua asked cheekily; he already knew the answer. Sam glanced at Jamie, sleepy-eyed but every bit as gorgeous as when she was made up.
‘Sorry, mate.’ Sam shook away his disappointment. ‘Wedding stuff before work.’
I nodded in acknowledgement before bowing out of the room to get dressed, silently enjoying knowing that this time he would rather be with me.
Joshua was heading out of the car and into the water before he’d even put the car in park, carrying both boards balanced on his head. I laughed, following suit. I folded Joshua’s rash vest over my arm, my own wetsuit tucked underneath; nobody needed to know that I’d replaced Jamie’s with one two sizes bigger.
Without thinking, my legs walked our now well-trodden route down to Bondi Beach, my eyes scanning across the horizon to check the swell. It looked good, and I congratulated myself on not feeling scared shitless to get in, even as we pressed our feet into the damp orange sand.
‘Feeling good?’ Joshua flung the boards onto the shore, his svelte arm muscles straining from the weight of them. He still wouldn’t let me carry mine all that way. Standing tall, he turned his gaze towards the waves and breathed deeply, used to giving me more than a moment to reply.
‘Yeah, actually,’ I responded. He turned back to me in surprise. I usually took a bit of psyching up before we got started. ‘It’s just good to get out of the house.’ The words spilled out before I had time to stop them. If I really wanted to get out of the house, I could just go. It was what Jamie would want, but Sam – I could tell Sam wanted me to stay.
‘Yeah, I’ve noticed the tension,’ Joshua said, pulling his trademark band shirt up over his head to reveal his tanned chest. I tried to keep my eyes on his face but his bearded grin told me he’d caught me looking. Damn it. He began to pull his half-folded wetsuit up over his arms. ‘Jamie can get a bit stressed at the best of times but I guess planning a wedding and hosting and…’
I busied myself by pulling my own wetsuit up leg by leg, avoiding eye or ab contact. I had seen Jamie getting more on edge, but I didn’t want to think it had anything to do with my being there. Sam had said it made him more chilled; I guessed that counted for something.
‘Stay at a mine for a bit,’ Joshua said, making quite a big offer sound like no big deal. ‘I mean, my place is tiny, but I don’t mind you bunking up with me.’ Surely he didn’t mean with him, with him. ‘You know, get a bit of space? While your apartment gets the longest renovation known to man.’ His eyes scanned my face as if waiting for me to admit the truth. I finally turned to face him, not quite sure what he had just asked me but knowing for sure that space was not what I needed. Space had never been what I had needed.
‘It’s fine,’ I replied, flashing him a feigned grin of my own. ‘I’m comfortable there, and it won’t be for long now. After the exhibition opening I’ll have the head space to work out what the hell the landlord is doing!’ I laughed away the absurdity, knowing no laugh would be loud enough. Joshua lifted a strong arm to run his hand through his hair, something he did when I knew he was holding something back. He sighed deeply.
‘Okay then, but you have to let me help you move into your new apartment.’ He started to wade into the water until he was pushing his floating board at waist height.
‘Promise.’ I looked at him, knowing I had nothing tangible to back it up. Thank God I’d managed to keep the specifics of my fantasy apartment so vague, despite Joshua trying and failing to place me on the map, keen to get his hands dirty and help speed up the renovations. Sam, on the other hand, hadn’t tried, more content with having me stay.
‘It’ll be nice to spend a bit more time together, you know? Get out of Jamie’s hair?’