If I had hoped to nip my feelings in the bud, I’d been terribly mistaken. My feelings for Devlin just bloomed like a flower garden after a spring storm. Admiration was a lot harder to ignore than desire.
Chapter 23
Music contains life.
DEVLIN
Kim might have been right. Maybe, just maybe, yelling wasn’t always the best way to get results. The whole point of coming back to this place was to make it through one season. To play my music. In order to do that, my symphony would have to respect me. We all needed the reminder of the power of music. Seeing all the looks of joy from playing to the students awakened a feeling deep inside of me I’d long forgotten. People needed to respect me, or worse, trust me.
The booming crescendo of the piece made all the visiting students clap. Pride stirred me up instead of letting me down. They played with life and zeal yet unseen. It was exactly what I had been trying to force out of them, but this had coaxed it out so naturally.
The music ended and my arms lowered. Thankfully, my mask was firmly in place or they’d see the grin that matched theirs. It was one thing to try a different tactic; it was another thing to start smiling and palling around.
Once the group of observers behind me settled down, I said, “Thank you all for coming.”
The students clapped with whoops of excitement. Some of the more outgoing ones bowed dramatically. “Everybody, these are Ford’s Fosters, a local organization that specializes in showing the world to those who may not be able to see it otherwise. Let’s welcome them.”
The symphony stomped their feet in their own version of applause and it rolled like thunder in the room around us.
My gaze flicked to Kim. Her face was lit up with a huge grin and her eyes glistened. She wore her heart on her sleeve. Emotions shone out of her like sunshine even when she tried to diminish herself. She wasn’t looking at me; instead, she examined the group that hovered behind me. Did she remember mentioning her friend Suzie and her fiancé who ran this organization? It was an offhand comment made in one of the many conversations we’d shared these past weeks. Would she notice how closely I hung on to every word she said? Would it give away too much, too soon?
Turning back to the students, I said, “Feel free to walk around and ask any questions you like. Maybe some of you will be lucky enough to try an instrument.”
Before I finished, several had already made their way to the musicians. The drums were the most crowded, ever the crowd-pleaser, but almost all the musicians were soon matched to a student.
I paced the room like a surveyor. Small talk had never come naturally, but I fielded a few questions. I didn’t love to do it, but it had its place. It felt like a few of the performers looked at me with something more than fear or resentment. Something like begrudging respect at worst, and maybe just a few of them saw me in a new light at best. Kim had been right.
A gaggle of young girls surrounded me, each of them twisting a foot or twirling their hair while they batted their eyelashes. I was familiar with this, at least.
“Why do you wear a mask?” one asked bluntly. Her head was shaved all the way around the bottom and the top was a bright purple color.
“Insider secrets,” I answered, and they all giggled.
When I glanced up, Kim was talking to a young girl with long, thin braids, who hesitantly plucked at Kim’s strings. Even Carla seemed to be enjoying showing off to a kid with several facial piercings. The gaggle moved on to try their luck with a stand-up bassist.
“Devlin?” the voice came from my side.
“Clifford?” I asked.
“You can call me Ford.” The man I had only spoken to on the phone extended his hand.
“How are you?” I asked as we shook.
“I’m great. That was fantastic. I had chills. Thank you again for having us.”
“I’d love to say my motives were purely altruistic, but the SOOK needed this more than I would have thought.”
We both took in the scene around us.
“That’s the great thing about doing good. Everybody wins. Happiness only gets stronger the more it’s given out.”
“Truer words,” I said.
I studied the man at my side. He looked a bit like a stuffed shirt. I wouldn’t have expected him to be with a woman like Suzie Samuels. Their pairing was like a sleek black panther hooking up with Garfield the cat. But you never knew with love. There was no logic.
“How do you know Suzie?” he asked.
“I don’t actually. Not well. Her friend Kim from the SWS mentioned you.”
I wasn’t sure if Kim was hiding who she was, or who knew her only as Christine. When we looked to her, she waved with a happy smile at Ford. He smiled and waved back. So maybe she wasn’t concerned about it. Then again, she’d probably smile like that at just about anybody she deemed worthy.
She smiled at me like that sometimes.
Ford said, “I’ve only met Kim a few times, but I’m glad you thought of us. These kids seem excited. I wouldn’t have thought playing music would be so physical, but after that, I can see I was wrong.”
“Music is a powerful thing. Maybe for the kids who seem interested, we could arrange some private lessons or instrument rentals. It can be an expensive hobby, but maybe the SOOK can work something out.”
Ford’s eyes lit up. “That would be fantastic. Suzie mentioned that Kim does private lessons for free. I wasn’t sure how common that was.”
I kept my face impassive to hide this startling new information. “Most charge an hourly rate. But there might be a way around that,” I said.
“These kids are judged harshly sometimes.” Ford spoke with quiet intensity. “But they have just as much to offer as anybody else given the opportunity.”
“We all need someone to believe in us,” I said. My eyes flicked to Kim and back again. “The SOOK is striving to be a bigger part of the community.”
“Well, we appreciate it. Thanks again. Oh, Xander is getting a little aggressive with those big drums over there. I’ll talk to you more later.” He clapped me on the shoulder and shuffled over to the percussion section.
Warmth filled me. My mind struggled to recall the last time I’d acted in somebody else’s interest. It came up short. For so long, I’d been so caught up in myself and my own needs. I’d been goal-driven, but with blinders: the next big composition, the next big symphony. The SOOK was small. Knoxville was small. But for the first time in a long time, my mind didn’t recoil at the idea of sticking around a little while longer.
My gaze moved around the room and landed back on Kim. Just until the end of the season …
After the kids from Ford’s Fosters left, I hovered around, waiting for an opportunity to talk to Kim. Several of the musicians seemed eager to speak with me. It was surprising, though I supposed I had always rushed to and from our rehearsals without much chitchat. Making conversation was an exercise in futility. Usually, people either wanted to talk about themselves or about my mask; I was interested in neither. Admittedly, the conversations today weren’t too excruciating. My focus kept being pulled to Kim, who took her time packing up her cello. I kept trying to get her attention, but to no avail.