“That’s… intense.” Ian drained the rest of his beer. “But I’m not sure you answered my question, Noah. What’s your kink?”
Noah closed his eyes for a moment and allowed himself a deep breath. It shouldn’t be this easy to talk to Ian about anything, let alone this. Given the time they’d spent apart, there should have been a far longer stage of awkwardness between them. The only thing Noah felt, however, was lust. And an ache which went all the way through him, down to his soul.
Noah knocked back the rest of his beer. “I’m sure at this point you know the answer.”
Ian’s brow furrowed. Noah leaned across the table, closing the distance between them. He could smell Ian’s cologne, and a hint of beer.
“You,” Noah answered. “It’s you, Ian. You’re what I think about. Not the props or the kinks. It’s you, on your knees for me. It’s you, stretched out, bound, held still for me. It’s you wearing my marks and my cum. It’s you. It’s always been you.”
“Noah… I…” Ian took a deep breath. Lost for words, he stared at Noah, who couldn’t help but think this was it. This was the moment he’d look back on when he wanted to wonder where everything wrong. He’d been too forward. He’d shown his hand too quickly. But there was no other way for Noah to be. He didn’t know how to stop himself from wanting Ian. He never knew. Time had eased the ache, but it had always been there. An ocean of what-ifs that haunted him in quiet moments.
“You still want me?” Ian asked after a moment that stretched on for too long.
Noah forced back the laugh he felt building. “I never stopped.”
“But… we were apart for so long. We were with other people.”
The waitress came and took their empty bottles. Instead of more beer, Noah ordered a pop and a bacon double cheeseburger. Ian did the same. Tonight wasn’t a night Noah wanted to drink. He wanted them both to have clear heads, because if he got to have things his way, he’d want to remember every detail with the clarity of absolute sobriety.
“We were. I was with Gavin for a few years. He was my boyfriend, my submissive, and one of my best friends. I had a few relationships after him. Some of them were even men I’d have considered settling down with, but things never worked out. But just because I was with other men, Ian, that doesn’t mean I was over you.” Noah ran his hand down his face. He’d already said more than he intended to, but the dam had burst, things were bubbling out and he couldn’t seem to stop himself. “I was never over you. There wasn’t a day I didn’t miss you. Did I love Gavin, yeah? That doesn’t mean I didn’t miss you.”
Time stood still. The moment felt like a scene in a movie where they slow down the action. The background blurs and they zoom in on the couple’s faces, switching back and forth between them as some vaguely familiar pop song plays in the background.
Ian’s chest heaved, and Noah thought he was about to stand up and walk out.
“God, Noah.”
Ian’s heavy tone made Noah’s heart sink. The price he would pay for being a sentimental fool was to sit here and have his heart ripped out by the same man who’d broken it the first time.
“I missed you, too. Every fucking day. And if I’m your kink, then goddammit, you must be mine. You’re all I can think about. Ever since the festival when I saw you. I got out of my truck and there you were and fuck me if I didn’t want to cross that crowd of people and kiss you.”
Noah couldn’t breathe. His dream had come true. Ian was right there, and he wanted him. And he missed him. And maybe they could make things work this time. Risking his heart would be worth it. Ian would always be worth it.
“Ian… I need you to know I can’t do things halfway. Not anymore, and not with you. If we’re going to be anything but friends, I need you to know that I’ll want you on your knees. I want to give you so much pleasure it hurts. The things I want to do to you, Ian, I won’t ever stop wanting. It’s part of who I am, who I’ve always been. I can’t turn it off any more than I can turn off my attraction to you.”
“Noah, it doesn’t matter what you want, as long as you want it with me. I thought I could come here and just be your friend… but I can’t. I’m like a lovesick teenager. You’re all I think about.”
Noah reached across the table and threaded their fingers together. He looked Ian in the eyes while he lifted his hand and brushed a kiss against his knuckles. “I’ve always wanted you. That won’t ever change.”
Chapter Fifteen
“Are we really doing this, Ian?” They stood outside the bar. The evening had cooled, and the breeze shivered across Noah’s skin. “We don’t have to rush.”
Ian reached for him. His hands gripped Noah’s waist, and he closed the gap between them. “I want this. We both want this. There’s nothing stopping us. Besides, aren’t you curious? It’s been forever since I got to touch you, Noah.”
Noah wanted to tell Ian to get in his car and take him home. He didn’t want to plan for things to go south, but it was smarter if Ian drove his vehicle so he could leave if he wanted to. His cock argued with him. Already it was convinced he and Ian were meant to be. But his practical side won out over his romantic one.
“Follow me home. We’ll crack a beer and see where this goes.” Ian nodded and leaned in for the kiss, but Noah grinned and evaded it. “Not here. God, I want to.” The ache in his voice reverberated out into the darkness. “But not here. I won’t be able to stop.”
Ian grinned and stepped away. “Then what are we standing around here for?”
“My place, ten minutes.” Noah forced himself to back away before he gave in to temptation and pinned Ian against the side of his truck. Noah’s restraint was wearing thin now that he knew he and Ian were on the same page. There was still something between them. An ember from the fire that burned long ago and with every look, every touch, the coal burned brighter.
The drive to his house was short, but Noah spent a lot of it looking in the rearview mirror, making sure that Ian still followed him. It felt like a dream. His skin was tight and tingly. His body tense and on edge with anticipation. It was Christmas, and Noah intended to take his time unwrapping his present. He’d endured years without Ian. Years spent missing him. Years spent wondering what it would be like to have him again, just one more time.
But one more time wasn’t good enough. Noah knew he was already too far gone. Falling back in love with Ian had only taken one look. A single glimpse of him across a crowd and he was fucked all over again. Already, Noah knew he’d do anything to keep Ian this time. He wouldn’t throw this away. Not again.
His hands were steady when he unlocked his door, but once Ian followed him through the threshold and they were alone, nerves overtook him. He dropped his keys on the floor, then picked them up and put them in the dish he’d been aiming for. He toed out of his shoes and cleared his throat.
“Noah.”
“Do you want something to drink?”
“Noah, look at me.”
Noah turned and he let his gaze track slowly up Ian’s body. From toes to head, he was still so perfect it made Noah ache. He suspected Ian would always look like perfection to him. Their gazes met, and tendrils of heat unfurled low in Noah’s stomach.