I didn’t react to his words. I didn’t think about how her virginity was mine. Something I’d claimed. Something that every guy in the office had probably fantasized about when they saw her. But, I was the only one who knew how she felt when I was pressed deep inside her.
“You got something going on with the Landen princess?” Trevor asked.
“No. Nothing. We grew up together, that’s all. Landen’s wrong and I’m sure she’s moved on.”
A secret, after all, was a secret. I didn’t trust Trevor wasn’t a spy for Landen, any more than he trusted me. I did fist the cashmere scarf in my hand. It was soft like her. A reminder that Ash wasn’t going anywhere.
“I get it. Landen keeps you busy working here, his daughter stays far away, tucked into her castle.”
“I don’t care what he thinks. This was a way for me to prove myself. Even if it’s not permanent, it will still look good on my résumé.”
“So, you’re single?”
I blinked. “Yeah. Why?”
“Allison in Accounts Payable has been asking about you.”
I shook my head. “I have no time for relationship shit.”
“Well, then, if you’re just looking to get laid, you should hit up Erica.”
Erica was the receptionist. Tall, slim brunette. Ridiculously hot, but she knew it, too, which was always a turn off for me.
“Isn’t being sexually aggressive toward co-workers a huge company no-no?”
“Trust me, when Erica realizes you’re single, she’ll be the one to get aggressive with you. She likes sex. A lot. And does not care who knows it. She’s great for when things are busy and I’m super hard up. A quick fuck, no muss, and we go on about our day.”
It sounded like something I would have done, even a year ago, that I wasn’t allowed to do anymore because of Ash. Fucking for the sake of fucking. Because it felt good. Because it released some physical tension. No emotional attachment.
I considered if I felt restricted. If this thing with Ash was making me feel like I had a shackle on I didn’t want.
“Yeah, I think I’ll pass on that, too.”
Trevor snickered. “It’s your dick. But you know what they say, if you don’t use it, it shrivels up to nothing.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said. “Has Landen been around the office during the week?”
“Not that I’ve seen. Why?”
“Just curious.”
Ash had said he was returning to Manhattan after he’d dropped her off at the airport. If he was in the city, but not at the office, I wondered what he spent his time doing.
Beyond drinking. Which, according to Ash, was worse than ever.
“You’re a player in this game,” Trevor said, wearing a serious expression. “Fifteen percent steady growth over a few months is no joke. Don’t mess this up by asking too many questions. Especially about Landen.”
“I’m just trying to stay under his radar. That’s all. If I know when he is or is not around, I can avoid him.”
Trevor considered that and nodded. “Look, I wouldn’t be working here if I thought there was anything wrong going on. There are too many other opportunities out there. But make no mistake, Landen’s name carries weight around this town. He can make trouble for you if he wants . Do not get on his bad side. And if there is something going on with his daughter…”
“There isn’t,” I said.
“Still, I would get as clear from that as I possibly could. If he doesn’t want you in her life, you’re never going to be there. You’ll only make trouble for yourself by trying to force your way in.”
“Dude, you don’t have to tell me that,” I snapped, knowing how accurate his words were. “There is nothing there. Let it go.”
Unless I could do something magical that would change Landen’s mind about me.
Did such a thing even exist?
I didn’t think so. It was the hard truth about our situation. Nothing was going to make my mother not a drug addict. Nothing was going to alter the fact I was a charity case who got dropped on Landen’s driver’s door.
Nothing, in his opinion, was ever going to make me good enough for Ash.
The ironic thing about that…Landen was probably right.
Sedona
The following week
Ashleigh
“Tell me what you’re wearing,” I said in my most sultry voice into the phone.
I was still at the spa, not scheduled to leave for home for another three days. I’d been primped and pampered to within an inch of my life. There was nothing more they could do to my skin. I should have been rested and glowing, instead I was going stir crazy.
I had calls and texts with Marc. The occasional check-in from Arthur, most likely to assure himself I hadn’t run off again, but that was it. Over two weeks of no real contact with anyone who wasn’t instructed to ask me immediately how I was. It was maddening.
“I’m not doing this with you tonight.”
I pouted. “You did it last night.”
“That’s because I was stressed and needed to come. Tonight, I’m too tired to even think about it.”
“Fair enough. Since I’m the reason your schedule is so crazy. Also, if I’m being completely honest, I sort of faked coming for you last night.”
There was silence on the other end of the phone. A silence I knew was Marc’s angry silence. I wasn’t sure how I knew, but I did.
“Um, maybe I shouldn’t have shared that?”
“You faked it?” he asked, his voice low.
I winced. Definitely angry Marc. “I sort of had to. It wasn’t working…I mean, I couldn’t do it with just my fingers, and you said you really needed to come, so I kind of made the sounds. I told you the girls at the finishing school did it all the time.”
“And I told you what I would do to you if you ever faked it with me.”
His voice was all growly, and it made me shiver. “That’s different. I wasn’t with you. I was just reminding you of what I sound like when I am with you.”
“Semantics,” he said curtly. “We engage in sex, and that includes phone sex, we both get off, or neither of us gets off.”
“Well, that’s ridiculous,” I told him, outraged. “Girls have it way harder than guys do in that regard.”
“You tell me if you don’t think you can get there, and then I think of ways to make it happen for you. I’m serious, Ash. It is not cool with me. I don’t like the idea of…”
He stopped talking, and I had to fill in what I thought were the gaps. Why wouldn’t Marc want me faking an orgasm over the phone? A pride thing? Sure. But there was something else.
“Tell me,” I pressed him.
There was more silence, but this wasn’t the angry silence. This was about him not wanting to share. About not being vulnerable with me.
“No secrets,” I whispered. “That’s what we promised each other.”
“I don’t like the idea of it being one-sided,” he said tightly. “I don’t like the feeling of being out there alone and you watching from afar. It’s why phone sex, which is all we can have, sucks!”