I look directly at her, watching as she slowly opens her eyes. I’m not angry. I feel like I should be, like there is a lake of red-hot rage bubbling inside of me still, but it isn’t because she made the decision that she did.
It’s because one of the potential fathers was her own fucking father. It’s because he’s a sick fuck who forced her to make that decision by abusing her. The desire to end his life is that much fucking stronger. I can’t let him breathe free air, not anymore. He’s caused too much fucking turmoil and heartache.
He will die. It will be slow. When it’s done, I will smile.
EXETER
I watch him.
He’s thinking, but I don’t know what he’s contemplating. Is it about me? About my past? About our future? As much as I don’t want to, I wait. Because knowing it’s over is going to hurt a hell of a lot more than just waiting, living in ignorance for a few more moments.
“Our circumstances are so different, yet the outcomes are the same,” he eventually says.
My brows knit together, and I lift my gaze up to him. I bite the corner of my lip, waiting for him to say something else, waiting to see what will be next, what is coming. He tilts his head to the side, his fingers re-gripping mine, his thumb making small circles on the space between my thumb and index finger. It sends desire throughout my entire body.
“Wyatt,” I warn.
He shakes his head. “I was angry with Sammi for years because she took away my choice. She did something without even talking to me about it. One day she was telling me she was pregnant with my baby, the next day that child was gone. There’s a big difference.”
“You aren’t upset with me?” I chance asking.
Wyatt dips his chin, his eyes finding mine and pinning me in my spot. “I can’t be angry with you, Exeter. Just like I’m no longer angry with Sammi. I’m still very much hurt by her choices, but my anger is gone. I have you, and I know that I wouldn’t if she had kept that baby, we would have never found one another. I know it’s cliché, but I feel like everything really does happen for a reason. God knows it doesn’t always feel like it at the time,” he snorts.
His words cause me to jerk in my chair. My lips tremble and as much as I try to fight them back, they come anyway. Tears fall down my cheeks, my eyes meet his, and I nod.
“I could be so hateful because of my past, I could be so different, but I’ve had MawMaw to show me that holding in my anger doesn’t make what happened disappear. So, instead, I’ve worked hard. Stayed focused, and then you came into my life and have shaken me to my core, Wyatt,” I admit.
It’s hard, admitting to someone, anyone, how you feel about them, but especially in this moment it’s hard to admit to Wyatt how I feel. How he makes me feel. I never believed in soulmates, never thought that there was just one person in this world meant for another.
I’ve always believed that everything relies on circumstance and happenstance. That you will be with who fits you at the time, and either you make it work, or you drift apart. At least, until this very moment.
There is no way to explain how Wyatt and I have found one another. How we have had some of the same experiences, but in much different ways.
“I’m glad that you’ve always had your grandmother. Just like I’ve always had my parents. They held me up and helped me when I was at my lowest. I feel like maybe Rylan and Emily would have different experiences had someone been there for them like that. I mean, I tried with Rylan just as I’m sure you did with Emily, but it’s different when you’re a kid trying to make your way through life and trying to help another kid your own age,” he murmurs.
Sucking in a deep breath, I give him a smile. “You’re right. Emily. I tried so hard with her, I tried to be there, but she refused me every step of the way. She seems to be getting some real help now though,” I admit.
Seeing Emily today was difficult, but I needed to and she needed me as well. She didn’t admit it at first, she was adamant that she was doing this all on her own, but after a few minutes her lips wobbled, and she broke down.
She’s had so much counseling in the facility, surrounded by people who have had similar pasts to us, and I can see a vast improvement with her. I wonder if maybe, I should have gone to a place like that too when I was younger.
“You’re a million miles away, sugar,” Wyatt’s deep voice cuts in on my internal thoughts.
With a small shake of my head, I lift my gaze back over to his and smile. It’s a sad smile, the situation and conversation nothing but sadness. It seems that, that is the theme to our lives, at least the teenage and early adulthood years. Maybe not from now on though, hopefully.
“I had a good visit with Emily today. She’s doing a lot better, and I was just thinking about that.”
He nods once, then releases my hand and I watch as he reaches for his silverware. His stuffed pork chop, mashed potatoes, and fried okra probably completely cold by now.
“Everything’s okay?” I chance asking before he begins to cut into his food.
Wyatt’s eyes lift to mine, a slow smile appearing on his lips. “Yeah, sugar. I think everything’s good. That’s all your secrets?” he asks, tilting his head to the side.
My lips twitch in a small smile. “Yeah, that’s everything. I think it’s quite enough, don’t you?” I ask, wrinkling my nose.
He chuckles, then dips his chin a bit. “Yeah, sugar, I think that’s quite enough, but I confess I have one more blow to deliver.”
I hold my breath, my eyes widening, and I wait for that blow to be delivered, thinking it’s going to be really fucking bad.
“I leave for Florida tomorrow, six in the morning. Which means you’re going to have to move into the house without me. I’m calling Ford and Louis to help with the few things I have in storage, but sugar, it’s slim fuckin’ pickin’s. I was fixin’ to buy all new shit when we moved in, our shit, but I won’t have time until I get back,” he explains.
My breath leaves me in a whoosh. “That I can handle,” I state.
He smiles, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip. “Yeah?”
Nodding, I reach for my fork so that I can eat the burrito bowl in front of me. “Yeah, I mean, if they don’t mind, they can just pick up my furniture from the trailer and I can move out of there completely. That is if you still want me to move in with you?”
Wyatt lets out a snort, it’s so loud that the table at the end of the patio looks over at us. I can’t stifle my giggle, but he isn’t laughing.
“You live anywhere but my new house, and I’ll be so fucking pissed off, I’ll spank your ass black and blue,” he warns.
I hum. “Okay, Wyatt,” I breathe, squirming in my seat slightly.
His gaze tips down then lifts back up to me. “Or I won’t spank you,” he grins.
“I’ll move in with you, baby,” I smile.
He nods. “Obliged. Now eat your food. This is our last night together for the foreseeable future.”
My stomach drops from his words. “How long do you think…”
Wyatt holds up his hand. “I don’t predict. It could be three days; it could be three months. I really don’t know, sugar. It all depends on the weather and the amount of damage and crews they have available.”