Nodding, my lips turn up into a smile. “I promise.”
She grins as she pushes her cart away from the counter and gives me a small wave goodbye. I lift my hand to wave at her too. Once she’s out of the store, I let out a breath that I’d been holding and turn toward my next customer with a smile plastered on my face.
LOUIS
Before pulling out of the grocery store parking lot, my phone rings and I smirk at the name lighting up the screen.
“Rylan,” I drawl.
“My place tomorrow night,” he says, sounding busy.
Clearing my throat, I shake my head as if he can see me. “Sorry, brother. I got people coming in for a meeting.”
“You good?” he asks.
Thinking about his simple words, I realize that it’s the most complex question in the world. Am I good? I don’t know. I have Tulip and that’s good, really fucking good. But, I also have to fight soon and the thought of stepping into that ring again makes me sweat.
“I don’t know,” I admit.
There’s a moment of silence and Rylan clears his throat. “You gotta work through all those steps, Louis. Trust me, I spent five years working through them and even then, I wasn’t ready for every single thing that’s landed at my feet and tested my sanity, my sobriety, and my ability to forgive myself.”
“I know. I fucking know. I need more time. It hasn’t even been six months. But contracts can’t be broken, not over this and I just need to put my head down and make this shit happen.”
“You do what you need to do and remember, we’re all here for you.”
Without another word, he ends the call and I toss my phone on the seat next to me as I start the engine of my truck and shift it into reverse. I need to get home and work out for a while before I come back to get Tulip.
Heading toward home, I make a detour and drive to Beaumont’s. I know that he’s still in town and I just need to talk with him. Figure out if I’m doing the right thing, not only with my upcoming fight but with Tulip too. I feel like I’m on the edge, teetering on what has become our new norm and what’s to come.
Pulling up to his house, I notice his truck in the drive and then Hutton’s ride as well. Cringing, I realize that maybe my one-track mind has brought me here a bit too early in the fucking morning.
Before I can shift my truck into reverse, the front door opens and I see Beaumont standing there, wearing only a pair of jeans and squinting. He lifts his hand and waves me toward him before he turns and walks back into the house.
Killing the engine, I jump out of the truck and begin to make my way to the house. With my first step inside, I close the door behind me, and Beaumont stands in front of me, two coffee cups in hand.
“Sorry I showed up so early, I should go,” I mutter.
Beau chuckles, thrusting one of the cups toward me. “Outside on the back patio,” he mumbles.
I follow behind him, sinking down in one of his chairs when he does the same. He doesn’t look at me, instead he’s looking straight out at his expanse of Texas rolling hills.
“You got something on your mind and if anyone understands that shit, it’s me,” he informs. “Been awake, in fact, haven’t gone to bed yet, so you didn’t wake me up or bother me. I’ve been writing. Hutton’s getting ready for work and she’ll be heading out soon.”
Nodding, I take a sip of the black coffee. What I should be doing is heading toward my gym at home instead of sitting here next to him, but I needed to be here, I don’t know why, but I did. He’s right, I do have something on my mind, but fuck if I know if he can help me with it or not.
“Just say it, we’ll hash it out.”
Clearing my throat, I set the mug down on the small table between us. “I’m falling in love with Tulip,” I blurt out.
Beaumont snorts, and I feel his eyes on me, so I turn my head to look over at him. He’s wearing a shit-eating grin and I want nothing more than to knock it off of his face.
“Shut up,” I grunt.
He shakes his head a couple of times, then brings his own mug up to his lips. “She wouldn’t be hard to fall for I suppose. She’s tiny, young, and sweet as goddamn sugar. Plus, she needs protecting and I have a feeling that’s your favorite thing about her.”
He’s not wrong. I’ve always been a protector. Born that way, created that way by my father. Granted, my mother wouldn’t ever allow it, she always went for men that I tried and failed at protecting her from. I thought Tulip was a replica of her, but she’s surprised the shit out of me since I’ve been back.
“I’m contracted to fight again in about twelve weeks. Tulip doesn’t know why I don’t want to. She thinks I just want a break. I don’t know how to tell her.”
He doesn’t say anything right away, his gaze is focused ahead of him still, his eyes searching the oak trees that are sprawled across his property, an exact replica of my place as well. Then he clears his throat.
“You gotta think about why you haven’t told her. You’re holding back that part of you for a reason and it ain’t because you think that she’ll leave you. You of all people know that she won’t. Tulip is solid, she’s good.”
Nodding, I lift my hand and rub my palm over my head. “She is, but I’d convinced myself that the reason she wasn’t with me was because I’m black, even if I didn’t truly believe it, I’d convinced myself of it anyway. So, I’m not so confident that she’ll stay at my side once she finds out that I’m a murderer.”
“That’s a lot you got goin’ on there, brother. You’re trying to swallow the whole elephant in one bite, man. Baby steps.”
I stay with Beau for another hour or so, our subject changing to his career, his new band, and the fact that one of his bandmates knocked up Hutton’s best friend and they are dancing around one another and it’s driving Hutton crazy, which in turn is driving Beaumont crazy.
“Just remember, Louis. At the end of the day, when you’re old as fuck and none of this shit means a damn thing anymore. Who do you want at your side? She needs to know everything about you, so that she can fall in love with the man that you are on the inside, deep beneath all that other shit that makes up who you are. She needs to fall in love with the marrow in your bones, brother.”
His parting words hit me deep, maybe even as deep as my marrow, I’m not sure. Leaving his ranch, I head down the dirt road toward my own home. All I can do is think about his words.
She needs to fall in love with the marrow in your bones, brother.
I agree with him. Tulip needs to see all of me, and tonight, when it’s supposed to be nothing but romance and flowers, I need to come clean with the truth of it all.
Chapter Twelve
TULIP
Mark watches me the entire shift. I can’t help but feel his gaze on me every moment of every day. Even when he’s nowhere around, I can feel him watching me. I hate it. Lifting my hand to my head, I tug on my ponytail and let out an exhale as I smile at my new customer and begin to ring them up.
“I’ll help you bag,” Mark announces brightly.