I knew what I wanted: I wanted Sawyer. I wanted to throw my phone against the wall and go racing out into the parking lot and chase the man down.
And say what? That I’d only known him a couple of days but already I felt a connection I’d never experienced before? That yes I lived in the city and he lived in McBride but we could somehow find a way to make it work?
Even if Sawyer said yes, even if he agreed, was I willing to risk my career on that? He was young. He hadn’t experienced the world the same way I had. Hell, I didn’t even know if he’d been in love before. And I certainly didn’t know what he wanted in life.
What if we weren’t compatible? What if he changed his mind?
What if he was just another Richard?
I couldn’t risk it.
My chest felt like it was on fire, my heart crushed and sinking as I lifted the phone and thumbed off the mute button. “I’m here, Mr. Gilley,” I said, my voice flat. “Let’s get this deal done.”
As he spoke, I watched a young man drive up in an old pick-up truck full of flower arrangements and begin to haul them into the lobby. Even though I’d only been here a couple of days, I’d already picked up on more than I’d realized about life in McBride and at the Sea Sprite. I knew that the pervy old couple in room 202 was actually a pair so deeply in love, the husband arranged for flowers to be delivered to her every hour the entire anniversary weekend they spent here. The family taking wedding weekend photos on the bluff had been coming to the Sea Sprite for decades for their family portraits. The local girl who stole the donuts was also the captain of Flamingo Pharmacy’s summer softball team, and her mother taught English at Barwich High.
I saw the life Sawyer was so desperate to hold on to, and it was everything I’d always dreamed of.
And I’d just helped his uncles sign it all away, changing the dynamics of McBride forever.
18
Sawyer
I waited in the parking lot for longer than I should have. Longer than was reasonable. Well past the point that it was clear James wasn’t coming after me. I stood there like an idiot, chest pounding, gut churning, morning sun burning down around me, staring at the open door to James’s room and willing him to appear and explain why. To tell me it was a mistake. To apologize.
For what? Doing his job? He’d come to town to close a deal, and that’s what he’d done. I’d just been a bit of fun on the side. A nice distraction.
It was quickly becoming clear I hadn’t meant anything to him at all.
Cursing, I spun around and dug my phone from my pocket, angrily hitting speed dial for my uncle Brian. Of all of them, that Uncle Brian had voted against me hurt the worst. He was the one I was closest to, the one I’d thought was on my side. He’d been the one to let me work at his bar to earn extra money so I could try to save enough to pay for renovations. I’d truly believed he’d have at least given me a chance to prove myself—to pitch my ideas to the others and try to win them over to my side.
I barely even waited for him to say hello before going at him. “Were you not even going to discuss this with me before accepting? ‘Your next shift is at six, and oh by the way, son, we’re selling the inn out from under you.’”
There was a pause, and then he let out a long sigh. “Look, Sawyer, I’m sorry. We knew what your position was and that it wasn’t going to change.” He sounded genuinely upset, but I didn’t care.
“You should have at least given me the chance to present my ideas!” I spat angrily. “I put together a business plan. I have tables with projections on potential future earnings. I have sketches for new concepts and—”
“I know,” he said gently, cutting me off. “But in the end it wasn’t enough. Not to convince Greg or Mark. Especially with Mark’s troubles at work.”
“But what about you?” I’d always known he’d be the swing vote. I just hadn’t really expected him to vote against me.
“I’m sorry, Sawyer.”
I closed my eyes, letting my chin fall to my chest. Suddenly I was exhausted. Exhausted and defeated.
I thought about my parents’ funeral when I’d sat at the gravesite staring off into space, and Uncle Brian had sat beside me, squeezing my hand the entire time. He’d gone out of his way since then to make sure I knew I wasn’t alone in the world. All three of them had been there for me then and in all the years since. All three of them had only ever wanted what was best for me.
I knew that in my heart, and I knew this situation was no different. They loved me.
That’s why this felt like such a betrayal.
“Look, you know this isn’t personal,” Uncle Brian said. “It just came down to the numbers and what made most financial sense.”
“I know.” My voice came out small and cracked.
“Think of what this money will mean for us,” he continued earnestly. “And for you. This opens any door you want.”
“You’re right,” I said. It was true—I would soon be a millionaire. I should be thrilled. But I wasn’t, which made me feel ungrateful.
“Hey, I’ve got a charter going out today—you want to come help? Maybe fresh air and the open sea will get your mind off things?”
I smiled briefly. Even now, when he’d yanked my dreams out from underneath me, Uncle Brian still worried about me. He always would, I knew that.
“Nah,” I said. “I appreciate it, but I’ve got some things to take care of around here.”
“Well, you know where to find me if you need me. Love ya, kiddo.”
“Thanks.” I ended the call, every part of me feeling defeated. I glanced back toward James’s room. The door still hung open, but there was still no sight of the man.
This was all his fault.
I hated him in that moment.
I wanted to go confront him—to rail against him and take out my anger and pain and sorrow. But I was terrified that if I went back into that room I’d just end up falling into his arms and crying, desperate for him to hold me and comfort me and promise it was going to be okay.
I couldn’t take that chance.
I needed out. I needed away from him and the inn and the mess that my life had turned into overnight. I turned toward the beach and started running. Faster and faster, my bare feet pounding against the sand, until I couldn’t think and I couldn’t breathe and I certainly couldn’t feel. I ran and ran until my lungs burned and my legs began to cramp. When I finally took notice of my surroundings, I recognized the Cambray lighthouse two towns east of McBride with its red bands of paint and glossy black shutters.
Still panting, sweat coursing down my back, I made my way out to the end of the rocky jetty and took a seat on a boulder with a natural curve washed out of it in the shape of a seat. The little dip had a scattering of white sand and minuscule broken seashells in it that I had to brush away so I could sit down. The sand sifted down between the giant boulders to the seaweed-encrusted darkness below. The briny scent of the water soothed me, and the rhythmic sound of the waves slowed my breathing better than any meditation app ever could.
I couldn’t stop my thoughts from eventually catching up to me. The night before, everything had seemed so perfect. With James’s help, I had a business plan that could really work. I’d felt more confident than ever I’d be able to convince my uncles to give me a chance.