“We couldn’t tell you, sweetie. You were already so heartbroken that she hadn’t come back that we couldn’t bear burdening you with the truth. A colleague from her music academy called us to tell us what had happened, it was just…” Her mom’s voice cracks as tears starts trickling down her face.
“I’m sorry.” I can see the agony in their faces and the guilt returns to me tenfold.
“Maverick.” Beth’s voice is a whisper. She’s squeezing my hand in hers, but it doesn’t bring the comfort she intends it to. “You have nothing to be sorry for, remember?”
Her kindness is more than I deserve but it’s all that keeps me going through this confusing self-discovery that she says I need.
“I confess, for years I couldn’t forgive your father for what he had done, but I hope he’s made peace with himself and asked his maker for forgiveness.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, confused by his implication. Nobody had mentioned my father playing a role in the accident. Ever. Certainly not him.
“Your father-” he starts to say, but then pauses, unsure of whether or not to tread lightly. My respect for my father is buried somewhere deep in the backwater pits in Wales, somewhere beside him and his new family. The one he shipped me off to USA and ultimately abandoned me for.
“My father, what?” I ask.
“You really don’t know what happened the day of the accident?”
I shake my head. I have an idea…I think I know… But I have a feeling that his recollection and mine differ gravely.
“Your father had been unfaithful to your mother…” he starts.
My back stiffens almost instantly at his words and I can feel Beth’s hand rubbing gently against my side. Something tells me I’m not fully prepared to hear this news. I want to ask him to stop, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
“If it’s too much for you, we don’t have to do this,” Beth whispers, correctly reading the terror on my face. I love that about her. It makes it a heck of a lot easier for me to find my voice again.
“Can I just have a moment?” I ask and they all nod.
I stand and, raking my fingers through my hair, walk toward the patio.
The pool ripples in the night breeze and I can feel something dark trying to suck me under. The walls around my heart have slowly become sheets of paper ever since Beth agreed to go on this crazy journey with me. She’s been incredible and so determined to help me put the piece of my life together. Still, I can feel that whatever her parents are about to tell me will pour warm water over what’s left of the walls around my heart and I’ll be completely exposed. I have never allowed myself to be vulnerable and now doesn’t seem like the perfect time to start, but if there was ever a safe group of people to fall apart around, I’m sure this family, would be my best bet.
“Are you alright out here?” I turn to see Beth peeking out the door at me.
“I’m thinking of jumping in,” I confess, and she walks out with her hands wrapped around herself.
“Fun fact, I know it looks heated, and some may even tell you that it is, but trust me on this one, it most definitely is not.” She smirks and I grin at her reference, draping my arm around her shoulder to keep her warm. We really have come a long way. “What are you thinking?” she asks, her eyes shining up at me.
“I feel like I’m waiting for a bomb to go off,” I confess and she nods.
“Are you afraid that what they’re going to tell you will be completely different from what you think you remember?” I nod and she presses herself closer to me. “Why?” she asks.
It’s a good question, but I can’t bring myself to articulate the truth without feeling like I’m at the bottom of the pool, sucking water into my lungs.
“Maverick?” she says gently.
“If what they say is different, then it would mean that my entire life is a lie and I don’t know what the hell to do with that.” I sigh. “Where do I go from there?”
“I don’t know,” she whispers and it’s not what I want to hear.
“I was hoping for something more reassuring.”
She smiles, but her eyes don’t budge. “I know. And I would love to promise you something reassuring, but I don’t know what they’re going to say in there. I don’t know what to expect, but I know I’ll be right there beside you. I know that I’ll be there if you need me. Whenever you need me.”
That’s somehow reassuring enough. “Okay.”
“Okay,” she agrees.
I take a step forward, but don’t get too far. Beth’s hand is latched around my wrist and she’s pulling me into her. Face to face, it’s harder to avoid what’s happening between us. What’s been happening between us.
A few nights ago, when she was fast asleep, I told her I loved her. I’m not sure why. Other than the fact that, I had this burning need to get the words off my tongue. She didn’t say it back. After all, she was asleep. Right now, however, seeing the look in her eyes, I don’t think I need her to say it back. Not when I can see it burning so deeply in her irises.
“You’re okay,” she says. “And you’re always gonna be okay.”
She takes my hand in hers and we walk back into the room and take our seats.
“Is everything alright?” her mom asks, offering me a cup of tea. I like the fact that she’s made herself comfortable in here. But I also hate the fact that she’s made herself so comfortable in here. This is what family is. They use your kitchen. They offer you tea and comfort and love. I’m taking all of that from them, now. The only problem is, I don’t have a family to offer Beth in return.
I look down at the four teacups on the table.
“It’s chamomile. It’s supposed to be soothing and I think we could all use something a bit soothing right now.” I’m guessing the only reason I have chamomile – or any other tea – in my house, is because Beth shops like she’s eighty years old.
“Thank you,” I manage to smile at her. “Please continue.”
“Are you sure?” Christopher asks and I nod. Beth squeezes my hand and I brace myself.
“The night of the accident-” Beth’s mom’s voice breaks and her dad rubs her shoulders to comfort her. We’re not even halfway in…shit. What could be so much worse than what I had been led to believe this entire time?
I watch Christopher wrap his arms around his wife who leans into his chest with the easy comfort of a best friend and I can’t help but think that this little family, sitting here, supporting the guy who - until recently- thought so little of them, is the epitome of true love. It saddens me that I’m so unfamiliar with the whole thing. A part of me longs to have what they have. A part of me wishes that I had it growing up. Who knows the kind of person I would be today? Maybe I would even deserve this woman sitting beside me, resting her head on my shoulder.
“Your father was unfaithful to your mother.”
Somewhere in the distance I can hear a stampede approaching and I know I’m about to be trampled by this story. Just this sliver of information is beyond anything I was ever told.
“We were told that on the night of the accident, she had come home to find him in bed with someone else.”