“But, if you’re not careful…”
He sounds like he’s about to tell me that he’ll ground me or take my car away. It’s absolutely hilarious and so I laugh. As does he. When the laughter falls away, however, there’s something that’s not even close to funny. It breaks my heart and fills it up all at the same time. Finally, I think I know what it feels like to have someone care about me like a father should care about his son. Deep down, I know it’s not just Beth he’s worried about. He’s worried about me too.
“I’ll be super careful,” I tell him.
“Even when you’re out and about on your own?”
“Even when I’m out and about on my own,” I agree.
“Even without Beth to take your foot off the gas.”
“Even without Beth to take my foot off the gas.”
When he leaves the car to get Beth, I find myself contemplating getting rid of the Lambo. I think maybe I actually will. How fucking crazy has my life become? And to think that I’m sure this is just the beginning.
I’m so deep in my thought that a tap at my window almost has me jumping out of my skin.
“Hey you.” I turn to Beth, motioning for her to inch back so that I can open the door.
When the wing is fully extended, she peeks inside. “Dad says I should drive.”
I laugh. She laughs. “Are you serious?”
“Serious as the heart attack you almost gave him.”
Groaning, but not even mad about it, I give in. Beth steps away from the car, making room for me to exit. She’s about to shimmy her way inside when the mere distance of her body coming closer to mine sets me on fire. My hand around her wrist stops her from entering. Then I’m throwing her back against the car and devouring her lips, slowly, then quickly. She moans into my mouth before thinking better of what’s happening here. Now, her palms are pressed against me as she tries to push me away.
“My parents,” she manages to whisper.
“We’re adults. Married adults. Newlyweds,” I whisper into her mouth. She tries to fight me just one more time before her body wins over.
There, in the dingy parking lot, across from crackhead number one and crackhead number two, we put on the show of our lives. So lost in the moment we are that, for a while, the world dulls at the edges. Space and time no longer exist. It’s just us. Me and her, not fazed by a world that knows disappointment. Not fazed by neglect or rejection. Right here and right now, as my hands slide up her body and my tongue dances in perfect unison with hers, nothing matters. No one matters. At least not until crackhead number one’s voice rips through the air.
“Get a room.”
I trap Beth’s lower lip between my teeth and slowly work my eyes open. The erection that was straining my jeans slowly vanishes. “I don’t think they approve,” I whisper against her.
“Not even a little bit,” she agrees.
There’s some loud mumbled screaming that follows as I walk to the other side of the car. Something to the effect of my priorities and being able to afford a fancy shmancy car and not a bed. That makes me laugh.
“Told you you shouldn’t be showing up like this in my neighborhood. Next time you’re here, they might steal the rims off your car and make a crackpot out of it.” Beth huffs as she adjusts herself in the driver’s seat.
If only she knew how close I am to trading it in for a minivan. That thought is further reinforced when my phone dings.
I pull into my hands and read the message. “You’re a good kid, Mavvy. It’s great to have you as a part of the family.” I smile and take a screenshot then save it in the album beside the message where Christopher told me my mom would be proud of me.
“Who was that?”
“No one.” The answer comes quick. And even quicker is the way I shove my phone back into my jeans and sweep a tear away from my eye. Thankfully, Beth is one of those drivers who keeps her eyes on the road 99.9 percent of the time.
I flick my focus back to her and admire the beauty of her as well as the beauty she’s brought ever since she was forced into my life.
45
The hockey arena goes wild as Maverick scores the final goal, bringing his team into the umpteenth victory of the season. I can feel his eyes on me, piercing my skin with the heat of a thousand suns. Giving in for a short moment, I shift my gaze from the crowd to him and, just as expected, meet him eye to eye. He smiles and I pull my gaze away, looking at the girl to my right and the guy to my left as I hold onto hope that no one caught what’s passed between us. It’s always like that. In the hallways when he steals kisses. In the dining hall when he whispers sweet nothings into my ear as he walks by. And here, in the arena, filled with girls hooting his name, with his teammates and friends, fans and supporters, enemies. I’m still his dirty little secret. Still keeping myself in the dark while he tries to force a light on me. But I’ve told him again and again, he and I are not one and the same and I don’t need to give this high school just another reason to hate me. Soon enough, however, it’ll all be over and we can live out the love we never thought we’d find. All the evils of high school will be behind us and the world will be ours for the conquering.
I watch as Jared picks up his crutch and sticks it under his arm and I cringe at that too, seeing as it is my fault that he’s injured. Maverick’s convinced that it’s all for show and that in a few weeks Jared will be in tip-top shape. He won’t be able to play out the season, though. Won’t be able to get recruited. Seeing him makes the realization weigh on my conscience so hard that I feel a couple inches shorted and a lot of pounds heavier.
I know that Jared got what was coming to him and I know that if he wasn’t the one limping off that bench, it would have been Maverick. Still, the guilt sits. And then it stings a little harder as I see Jessica’s pack of Cheerleading bunnies bundle together with no Jessica at the center. Maverick says I don’t need to get my stomach in a tangle over that either. He insists that Jessica is getting the help she needs. I can only hope that’s true. I also hope that that help doesn’t mean she’ll catch onto the real deal behind my relationship with Maverick. When people are given time to think, they often think too hard.
The crowd disperses, screams turning to whispers and whispers to screams. Everyone is as excited as they should be, except Maverick. I get into the hallway and make myself small as I watch his movements. The look on his face crushes me, but still, I stand my ground. He’s looking for someone and that someone is very likely me. All his friends have found their arms around the girl who’ll be warming their sides and their beds for the rest of the night. And even though Maverick has me, he has no one. Maybe stubbornness really is a detriment. Maybe, soon enough, it’ll come back around and bite me in the ass. Or maybe, this really is for the best.
I suck in a deep breath and push through the crowds on my way outside. My steps are quick as I make my way out of the building. I’ve already scheduled an Uber to pick me up and much to my surprise, the driver is there as soon as I push through the front door. He’s an older man, wrinkled around the eyes, with an exceptionally bright smile.
I slip into the back seat of his Camry and whisper a quick ‘hello’ before hiding behind the screen of my cellphone. The first thing that pops up is a message from Maverick. I click and open it.