“And lucky last ones,” Anouk says, tossing paper packages to Cale and me, and we catch them.
I unwrap mine and bite into the crusty bread. Hummus and avocado. My new favorite. All the food we eat is vegetarian, and I find I don’t miss meat at all. As we eat and ride, I watch Cale out of the corner of my eye, wondering about his past and whether he ran away from home like I did. We’d have something we can share, and he might start to feel like my friend. Then I feel bad wondering about such a thing, because if he ran away it probably mean he was in pain, and I don’t like to think of him hurting.
We descend into a village an hour later and set up camp. The houses and stores are all huddled together between the hills, as if sheltering from the outside world.
In the afternoon, as the lowering sun paints the rocky hilltops with golden light, Anouk helps me into my newly sewn costume. She’s made it exactly the same as hers and Elke’s, and I twist and turn in front of the narrow mirror that’s fixed to the wagon wall.
“It’s so beautiful! I feel like a real performer.”
“You are a real performer,” Anouk tells me. “Or you will be, after your debut.”
“Tomorrow,” Elke announces, beaming at me. “Let’s put you on tomorrow night.”
I cover my face with my hands, peeping over them at Elke and Anouk. I still can’t believe that I’ll be in the ring with these two heavenly creatures. “If you’re both sure I won’t embarrass you.”
Anouk flops onto her bed, laughing. “Embarrass us? You’re going to be the star, you’ll see.”
In the morning, we run through our short routine three times over. I won’t be in the ring with them the entire time; rather they’ll do their usual act, and then I’ll join them at the end as the finale. I feel more than a little nervous at the thought of following their stunning act.
By eight in the evening I’m in my costume and Elke is painting my lips pink, the last thing to be done. I’m a bundle of nerves and excitement.
“Rub,” Elke commands.
I rub my lips together, and then say, “I hope Dandelion isn’t nervous.”
Dandelion will be getting decked out in sequins and feathers and led across to the big top as I speak. She’s not used to the crowds, either. We’ve both been fine during dress rehearsals with the girls, but with everyone’s eyes on us and whistling and clapping, she might freak out. I might freak out, come to that.
We step out of the wagon and I look around, hoping to catch sight of Cale. Looking at him always grounds me, but he’s nowhere in sight. The butterflies in my stomach double, and then double again. I could take off they’re all flapping so hard.
Elke and Anouk link their arms through mine and march me merrily across the grass toward the big top, through the last of the evening sunshine. They’re both smiling broadly and waving to the people sitting outside the pub and the cars that are driving around the green.
I plaster a smile on my face, remembering I’m in show business now and it’s expected of me, but it feels stiff.
Thank goodness Elke and Anouk are the first ones on after Pamela and Cale’s welcome. I sit atop Dandelion, gripping her hard with my knees, as the curtain blocking off the backstage area is drawn aside and Elke and Anouk burst out into the arena to loud music and bright lights. The crowd applauds.
Dandelion whickers, and her ears ping back and forth and she shifts her weight.
“It’s okay,” I whisper, patting her neck, trying to make it sound like I believe it, too.
I follow the bars of the music carefully, preparing myself for the lively piece to end. It does, far sooner than I expected it to, and my stomach drops. Daniel pulls the curtain aside and gives me an encouraging smile.
With more panic than commitment to the moment, Dandelion and I plunge into the arena and turn to the right, so that we’re cantering slowly around in a clockwise direction. Elke and Snowdrop are ahead of me, and Anouk and Patches are behind me, as they should be, and I breathe a tiny sigh of relief.
There’s no time to indulge in the sensation as I scramble to my feet atop Dandelion’s back, and then, arms spread wide and the fake smile still plastered to my face, I descend slowly into the splits diagonally across my horse’s back. In front of me, Elke does the same. If all is proceeding as it should be, Anouk will be in the same position behind me. We hold the position for one full revolution of the arena while people applaud. Because of the bright lights I can barely make out the audience, but I can hear them and feel the pressure of their eyes. Dandelion can, too, but her muscles aren’t bunched tightly like they used to be when Dad was after us.
That thought settles my nerves a little. I’m in Cale’s arena, where nothing bad can happen to us. I plant my hands on Dandelion’s withers and kick my legs up behind me into a handstand, and then come down and scissor my legs around in a clockwise and then an anticlockwise direction. As the world spins, I see that Anouk is behind me and moving sleekly, and my smile finally becomes genuine. I’m so proud to be out here with my new friends. I push up into an elbow stand for a full revolution of the arena, then stand up and curtsey to the audience along with the other two. I’m the first one to peel away and head back through the curtain, and I collapse with relief along Dandelion’s back as soon as I’m out of sight.
The applause is crazily loud to my ears and everyone backstage, the other performers and stagehands, are whistling and clapping too as I slide from Dandelion’s back and land on my feet. It’s wonderfully bewildering to accept everyone’s hugs and kisses, and someone snaps a polaroid of me, Anouk and Elke, arm in arm.
As everyone hurries back to their places and the horses are moved out of the way, I look around for the one person who didn’t come forward to hug me. Cale is standing by the curtain, about to head out to introduce the contortionists, and for a moment I feel a pang of regret that he hasn’t come to congratulate to me, too.
Then he turns and looks at me right before he heads out to the arena. He has a big, warm smile, just for me, his dark eyes shining. I can tell what he’s thinking without him even saying it.
Well done, sparkle.
I feel warm from the top of my head to the tips of my toes as I grin back, and he gives me a little bow right before he heads through the curtain and into the spotlight.
Chapter Eight
Cale
Late summer heat and stillness lies over the fields of England. The scarlet poppies have long since bloomed and wilted. The hedgerows that line the laneways are browning. Nettles clog the bridle paths and tiny green blackberries are budding on thorny brambles.
The horses become dusty every day, even if they haven’t been pulling the wagons. It’s a restful evening chore, currying their coats until they’re gleaming once more. Ryah must think so, too, as she often joins me in the task in companionable silence.
I study Ryah’s face in between swipes of a chestnut gelding’s coat, enjoying the peaceful expression on her face. She wears a pair of denim shorts and a tank top with Wellington boots, and her hair is a messy ponytail atop her head.
“Told you,” I say with a smile as I move past her to a bay mare. She looks up at me in surprise. Ryah, Elke and Anouk have performed together for two weeks now, and Ryah’s confidence has grown every night.