Me: It’s fine bring it. I’ll just watch
Gabe: Pick you up at eight?
Me: Sounds good
Gabe: Ok see you in the morning. Goodnight
Me: Goodnight
I bite my smiling lip and hold my phone to my chest. Startling me, it begins to vibrate beneath my hand. I turn it over to see who’s calling and reluctantly answer it when I see the name “Travis” light up the screen. “Hey.”
“Hi,” Travis says sullenly.
“How are you?”
He huffs quietly. “How do you think I am?”
“Travis...I’m sorry.” I don’t really know what else to say.
“I want to come see you. I want to talk in person.”
“Travis, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Please.”
“No.”
“Because of him?” he asks, unsettling me.
“What? No.”
“Then why?”
“Because...there’s nothing left to talk about.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because it’s over. I’m happy here. I’m ready to move on with my life. You should move on too.”
He doesn’t say anything.
“It’s late, Travis. I have to go.”
“Liv.”
I sigh quietly. “I’m going to go, okay?”
“Okay,” he finally says.
“Take care, Travis.”
“Yeah, you too.”
* * *
I yawn and sip my warm coffee as I gaze through the kitchen window, waiting for Gabe to arrive. It’s early, but the sun is already shining in the blue sky and the birds are singing outside.
The house seems so much quieter than it used to. Brandon was always the first one up in the morning. He’d usually be in the kitchen ready to greet the rest of us when we came down for breakfast. It’s never been the same without him.
I yawn again. After spending the evening reassuring my mother that Gabe and I spending time together is a good thing, I spent most of the night tossing and turning, trying to reassure myself that Gabe and I spending time together is a good thing. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw his handsome face. I’ve fallen asleep to visions of Gabe countless times over the years, even with Travis’s arms wrapped around me, but the pictures in my head had faded over time. Now, when I close my eyes, I see him in ultra HD and it’s hard to look away. For hours I traced over the details of his face in my mind, followed the lines of his tall, muscular body, listened to his sultry voice speaking to me in that soft southern accent I never seemed to notice before.
It’s no wonder why I feel so tired. I yawn again.
I see Gabe’s truck pull up in front of the house and I quickly finish the last of my coffee, feeling the caffeine take effect—or maybe it’s the butterflies that have suddenly filled my stomach. Either way, I’m awake now.
I hurry out to greet him, not giving him a chance to come inside. I’m just getting used to being around Gabe again. I don’t need the added pressure of the Spanish Inquisition known as my mother. I smile when he steps out of his pickup wearing flip-flops, board shorts, and a faded, frayed baseball cap that looks as old as his truck. He shuts his door and leans against it as I hurry down the driveway with my beach bag slung over my shoulder. As I close the space between us, he gives me a big, gorgeous smile that shows off his straight white teeth and lights up his whole face. Ohh. My heart aches and swells at the same time. This is no ordinary smile. I know this smile well. This is my smile. The one that he always used to greet me with when we were younger. The one I haven’t seen since I was twenty-two.
“Hey, sunshine,” he says in that sweet southern voice, and my heart takes a diving leap into my stomach. How can he make me feel so good and so sad at the same time? How can I be such a masochist that I don’t even care which emotion he’s conjuring up, as long as he’s the one doing it?
I stand in front of him and peer up at his eyes in the shadow of his raggedy old baseball cap, that I now recognize from high school. The logo is from an old surf shop we used to go to, but it’s been closed for years.
“It’s been a while since you called me that.”
“It’s been a while since I did a lot of things,” he says, gazing down at me, and my heart glugs heavily in my chest. “I was kind of hoping I might get the chance to make up for that.”
I smile softly over the involuntary feelings of hopefulness I feel stirring deep down inside me. Hope is dangerous where Gabe is concerned. Hope makes me believe that we can be more than friends. That maybe he could love me again. That we could be together again. My mother’s voice echoes in my ears, warning me against the danger. I just don’t want to see you getting hurt again. But, the masochist I’ve become, I eagerly reply, “I’d like that.”
He gazes at me for another long second with his lips pressed together like there are more words behind them, and my heart races with anticipation.
Roxy barks once, startling me. I didn’t even notice her sitting at my feet. I swallow hard, still staring up at Gabe. “Let’s go, Rox,” he says, but he doesn’t move. He just stares at me and I stare back, and somewhere in between us is a silent conversation filled with all the things we never said and all the things we’ve ever said.
The air grows thick and it’s too much for my brain and lungs to manage—both abandon their posts. Unable to think or breathe, I’m slowly consumed by the hope I’m battling. I don’t have the will to fight it anymore. I want to believe that we can be together again. I want to believe that he could love me again. I want to believe that the current I feel buzzing between us right now is real. I want him to wrap his arms around me and press his mouth to mine. I want the words he’s holding back to be I love you. I want to be his again. Even if it’s only for this one fleeting moment. Even if it shatters me.
I want it.
Roxy barks again and Gabe looks down at her.
The moment is gone.
He smiles shyly, takes my bag, and opens the car door for me. He fumbles when he lowers the tailgate for Roxy and I wonder if he was affected by our silent exchange as much as I was.
I climb up into the cab of the truck on wobbly legs and Roxy sticks her nose through the open rear window. “Hey, Roxy.” I rub the top of her head, and she licks my hand.
Gabe climbs in and I can still feel the electricity coming off him when he closes the door. He glances over at me. “All set?”
No, I’m not all set. I’m not set at all, actually. I’m quite the opposite of set. What was that? What did you want to say? I may never know, but whatever it was is now sitting between us like a giant elephant. I try to ignore it. “Yeah,” I answer coolly, feeling more confused than ever.
I thought I could be Gabe’s friend. I thought that’s what I wanted, what I needed. But now I’m not so sure. Maybe my mom is right. Maybe it’s not a good idea to be spending so much time with him. It can only lead to more heartache in the end. I’m just setting myself up for it.
Gabe notices me glancing at the house watching for signs of my mother, whose cautionary words are now bouncing around my head like a pinball. “Forget something?”
I shake my head. “No. I just don’t feel like dealing with my mom right now.”