Steph: Hey babe. I hope you’ve had a great day. If you’re not already on your way home, can you pick up some double-chocolate ice cream on your way?
Me: Is the baby craving something sweet?
Steph: Yup. I’ve been dying for it for an hour or so.
Me: Sure, sugar, I’ll grab it for you.
Steph: I love you. If you’re lucky, you might get some sugar when you get home, and I’m not talking about the ice cream.
My smile turns into a grin. She’s always so horny these days, and I can’t seem to keep up with her, but it doesn’t stop me from trying.
A photo downloads moments later, and it’s of Stephanie’s belly with a caption underneath.
Steph: I love you, Daddy!
That’s all it takes to break me. I drop my phone and cover my mouth. Tears threaten to spring free from my eyes. I really don’t want to leave, and I’m not sure I want to do another deployment, ever—the reality of what I face sets in. Missing the birth of my firstborn; my daughter.
Will my nightmares come true, and I won’t be there to help?
If everything goes well, I won’t meet my baby for the first time until she’s three months old. I’ll miss out on so much with the baby it scares me. I’ve asked Stephanie to stay and keep living with me so we could build our relationship. Now, I’m the one leaving. Just when everything seems to be going well, I fuck it up.
Pull yourself together, man. Steph needs you.
Listening to my advice, I pack up my desk and make my way home. I stop for the ice cream she asked for and a box of beer at the store. By the time I’m pulling into the driveway, I’m excited to see Stephanie and hold her tight. For the next six weeks, I’m going to make sure she knows she’s special to me.
Entering the house, I find her, Toby and Sasha sitting in the lounge and I don’t believe my eyes. They’re all eating ice cream.
Why did I bother stopping?
“Hey, bro. Sorry, I didn’t know you were bringing some home too. Sasha asked me for some,” Toby says.
“Don’t worry about it. Now we have extra. I’m just gonna shower and head out with the guys from my crew,” I lie.
I put the ice cream in the fridge and the box of beer in the bottom of the pantry.
Toby steps into the kitchen and I look at him. He doesn’t believe my lie. His years of training as a cop have taught him as much. I don’t want anyone around tonight. I’d like to be left alone.
A clatter of metal and ceramic draws my attention. Sasha has placed her bowl on the table, and Stephanie has stood up. She walks over to me, places her bowl on the bench, then slides her hand onto my lower back. She leans up, kissing my cheek.
“Have fun, babe. Now, I really want that chocolate ice cream because honestly, the vanilla just wasn’t enough.” She laughs. I don’t laugh with her. I’m not in the mood.
Instead, I walk away without another word and head up to our bedroom. I shower, dress and then head out the balcony door. I’m going to find a bar to drown my sorrows in. I’d have loved to play pool in the garage, but I’m not interested in being interrogated by Toby tonight.
I’m not even in the mood to be around Stephanie when all I wanted to do was surround myself with her before I’d walked through the front door.
I climb into my car and using Bluetooth, and I dial Michael. He’s about the only person I can talk to at the moment who will understand what I’m going through.
“Hey, Jake,” he answers.
“What are you up to tonight?” I ask.
“Nothing much. Carey is off to her sister’s with Esme for a bit, so I’m free. You okay?” he asks. Carey is his partner of almost ten years.
“I’m picking you up, and we are going out for a few drinks.” I don’t answer his original question.
“Come get me from the base. I’m just finishing up here.”
I chuckle. “Aren’t you on leave?”
“Yeah. I came to use the gym.”
“Fair enough. See you soon.”
Hanging up, I’m at the base in less than three minutes. I park out front and moments later, Michael strolls out of the gates and opens the passenger side door.
“New car?” he asks, getting into the seat.
“Yeah, something more family-friendly.”
“How many kids are you planning on having?” he asks, throwing me a grin.
“As many as she wants.”
“So you’re set on this one, then?”
“Very, until tonight. I dunno, man. Stephanie asks me to bring home ice cream, and I get home to discover that she’s digging into the stuff that my brother brought home. It makes me wonder if I’m even needed at all.”
“Of course, you are, mate. Who’s gonna change those dirty nappies in the middle of the night?” He chuckles as I park the car outside a bar. We enter the place and find seats. I order a whiskey and Michael orders a water.
“You’re not drinking?” I ask.
“I get the feeling someone is going to need to drag your drunk ass home later. I’m just making sure it’s going to be me and not let you make a bigger mistake.”
I shrug. He’s got a point. Our drinks are brought over moments later. I pick mine up and take a gulp. I want to get drunk tonight and forget about my problems.
“You want to tell me what’s really going on?” he asks.
“I’m getting deployed again, and it’s before the baby is born.”
He leans back in his chair, studying me. “I see. So, this is the real issue, and her eating the ice cream someone else bought was the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
Nodding, I take another drink. I know it’s not the solution to my problems, but it’s going to help ease the ache for a bit.
“You think this is the solution?” he asks.
I shake my head. “I know it’s not, but right now it sure feels good.”
Draining the remainder of my drink, I order another one. When I sit back down at the table, Michael looks me over. “Why don’t we take this back to my place?”
I grin. “I didn’t know you were that way inclined.”
“Shut up. I mean I want to show you that you can have the family and still deploy without worrying she’s leaving you.”
He’s fucking with me, I know it. I can’t have my career and my family too.
“Alright, I’ll go with you. Just know there’s nothing you can do to change my mind.”
“We’ll see.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Jake
I’m awoken by the giggling laughter of a child. It takes me a few moments to register where I am. Last night is a blur of booze and anger. I should’ve stopped at two drinks. I’m not even sure how I got to be in this house or bed.
I let my frustration get the best of me last night. I shouldn’t have. I should’ve just come clean and told Stephanie the truth, but I didn’t. The truth is, I’m frustrated about this deployment. I’m angry that it’s taking me away from the birth of my first child; a baby who was a complete surprise in the beginning, but now, a child I so desperately want to meet from her first day on Earth.