DOLLY
Thirty-one years old
I’m cold, I think, or am I? My cheeks are on fire. The faint beeps and smell of disinfectant surrounding me make me want to curl into a ball and hide.
“It’s going to be okay. We’re all right here.” Doug reaches for one of my numb hands. His voice is annoyingly soothing, and I turn to look into his brown eyes. For some reason, though, all I see is blue. Ocean-blue eyes, that look at me as though I’ve finally destroyed us.
I gulp in some much-needed air if only to stop my twitching. I must focus on the now. Breathe in and out, I chant in my chaotic brain.
My teeth are chattering and I bring a shaky hand to my lips to still them. Obviously, my technique is not working. It might be making things worse. My head is pounding, and there’s a real possibility I might be having a stroke.
“At least we’re at the hospital.”
I must have voiced this out loud, because Eve responds, “Yes, he’s getting the best care.”
She sits on my other side strangling my hand. Jesus, it’s clammy, almost slippery. Any other time, I’d be horrified. Today… well, today everything’s changed.
Terror shoots up my spine. This can’t possibly have happened. I love him; I can’t have killed him. All of this isn’t real—it’s a nightmare. Or one of my fucked-up daydreams I like to partake in.
“I think that I have done something unforgivable,” I announce loudly to the room.
All talking stops as almost every person I love in this world turns and stares.
I scan their faces. They’re either looking at me like I need to be put in the looney bin, or they look rather annoyed that I called 911. But I panicked. After all, I fucking stabbed him.
I know Blade is unhappy, saying he has private doctors to handle delicate matters such as this. Whatever. I’m done for anyway. Might as well make it quick. Why drag out the agony?
The silence is deafening… so bad that I can count my racing pulse, the beats so fast I’m out of breath. My eyes dart around as I take in my surroundings.
I’m sitting.
I’m in the waiting room at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.
The walls are cream colored with fake watercolors and a large flat screen droning on about all the horrors that happen in our world.
And Disciples.
They surround me in a show of rank. Blade made sure of that.
“Dolly?”
The concern in Doug’s voice makes me blink and lean toward him. “It’s weird how this room has green chairs,” I whisper. “All but one.” I motion with my eyes to a chair that Dewey is sitting on.
“See? That one is gray. All the others are green.”
His beautiful brown eyes widen as he looks at my face as if I have grown another head.
“Everything is how it should be,” I announce again, hearing voices say, “Jesus Christ” and “What the fuck?” in the background.
“It’s true. Tell them, Eve.” I nudge her with my elbow. “We heard it on a talk show. Everything is how it’s supposed to be.”
Jesus, I can’t stop saying crazy things. If I had a free hand I would slap it over my mouth, but I don’t.
“Which is ridiculous because really? Is this how it should be? I don’t fucking think so.” I let out a snort that ends up in a sob.
“She’s in shock. We need a doctor,” Doug screeches.
The room explodes with Ox doing more cursing along with Dewey leaping out of the gray chair to chant and mumble in the corner.
“Everyone relax,” Blade growls, his green eyes lasering in on mine.
“Dolly?” He sounds like he’s performing a test to see if I know my name.
“Yes?”
He rubs the back of his neck looking at me in that way that makes you feel like you’re really dumb and he’s really smart. I slide down in my seat and curl inward. If I make myself small, he can’t see me.
“Pull your shit together,” he snaps, causing me to sit up and Eve to pat my hand. Fucking Blade—he thinks he’s king of all he sees, yet he’s not king to me. I’m not part of this anymore.
I’m not.
I left, but more blood has been spilled.
Holy shit, I’ve become like them. Maybe you never do escape your past or upbringing. No matter how long I’ve tried to leave this life, the club I was born into, here I am.
I start to giggle but my eyes widen because what the fuck? I don’t giggle! So, I swallow it back before I scream all my truths…
First, not even the mighty, all-powerful Jason “Blade” McCormick can get me out of this mess. I don’t care if he’s president of the most notorious biker club in the West.
Second, I deserve to go to jail. I’m a horrible, horrible person.
“I’m so fucked.” I breathe in and out, the smell of Lysol and Purell so thick in the air, it’s making me nauseous even in my terror.
“What could be taking so long?”
Eve and Doug are leaning toward each other and talking over me so they can make a stupid plan that won’t work anyway.
I’m guilty.
I’m fucked.
Like going to jail fucked. The big house, Joliet, black hole, whatever you want to call it. That’s going to be me soon and I deserve it.
My soul mate.
My favorite person and my mortal enemy, all wrapped up in a beautiful package of auburn hair and blue eyes.
“Guys, I can hear you two.” I put my hands up and see his blood staining them as both Eve and Doug quickly push them down.
“I never should have given you that knife for Christmas,” Eve states the obvious. “How many times did I tell you not to pull it on Edge?” Her hand holds mine so tight I’m starting to feel tingly needles.
“Eve.” My mouth twitches. I’m going to do it. The hysterical laughter is coming…
She stops me before it can bubble out like a soda bottle that you shake then stop, knowing it’s going to explode into a huge mess.
“Trust Blade, Dolly. He’s going to take care of everything.” She looks up at her husband like he’s her knight in shining armor. Swinging her gaze back to me, she hisses, “And never admit anything!”
“Stop it,” I snip, my eyes zigzagging from her to Doug. “I’m not a lunatic.” The words hang in the air.
So, I make it worse. “I’m eight years older than you.”
“Jesus.” Her big blue eyes widen. Shaking her head, she leans over me again. “She’s lost it.” Her voice drips with disappointment.
“Doll?” Doug snaps a finger in my face.
“What? Am I breathing heavy?”
He ignores the last comment and goes straight into “Baby Doll, Eve’s right. Let Blade handle this.” I cock my head as I see a trickle of sweat roll down his neck. And that’s when I think I might start screaming and never stop.
If Doug is sweating, Doug is scared.
“What the hell is going on?” David snarls as he speed walks in. He holds hands with a very pregnant Charlie, their fingers laced together.
For a brief second, my heart aches. Charlie is so stunning; I’ve never seen anyone glow like her. Maybe it’s because she’s good inside and out.
Charlie’s not like us. She’s pretty normal, no baggage. I wish I wasn’t jealous of that. I wish I hadn’t let my emotions take over and hadn’t done what I did.