“Don’t fuck with me, bitch.” I don’t wait to hear her response. It’s not important. Grabbing my bag, I swing open the door. I need to find Edge. It’s like I’m possessed. I need to hear his voice, let him assure me that we are okay.
I don’t even bother to check to see if the coast is clear. All my trying to be perfect has gotten me nowhere. I told myself I was doing all this for us. Instead, I think I was doing it for me and assuming because Edge loved me, he would follow.
Edge and Dolly: you can’t have one without the other.
I dig in my purse for my phone. My mom had to bribe my dad to get me one, stating it was unsafe for me not to have one. He’s cheap but apparently not that cheap. Whatever, I got one and now at least have some freedom.
Me: I need you. Where are you?
My mind drifts to how much everything has changed in such a short time.
It doesn’t help that the club has become huge. Jason and Doc created some crazy drug that is popular. The club is all top secret and my dad is paranoid all the time.
One more year. In one more year, I’ll graduate. All my hard work and sacrifice will have paid off. Edge and I can be together, like not sneaking around. Like, tell my dad to fuck off and get married. My mind swims with all my foolish plans that up until an hour ago seemed right. Edge is never going to want to go to an Ivy League college with me. Christ, what the hell is wrong with me? He’s been trying to tell me this for years, but I haven’t been willing to hear it.
I look down at my flip phone willing my eyes to see a text from him. I’m all over the place. Maybe I’m about to get my period because I’m ready to lose it.
“Fuck, come on, Edge. Where are you?” I mumble then stop. This is insane. I’m speed walking through the empty halls. I’m supposed to go to practice, but with the mood I’m in, I might punch Courtney, another one of my so-called best friends.
Flipping my phone open again, I make myself breathe; otherwise, I might throw it and then I’ll be fucked. I lean my head back and feel the cool locker behind me.
Never have I thought I’d be second-guessing Edge or his feelings for me.
I’m being paranoid because he’s been almost living at the clubhouse. I know his home life is awful, with his dad being sick and all. Yes, that’s why he’s at the clubhouse so much. Fuse is a horrible man and Edge is tired of all his verbal and physical abuse.
Jealousy snakes herself up to my stomach and like the vicious viper she is, she slithers up my spine spreading her poison to my head.
“He would never,” I whisper, almost chanting.
Guilt snaps my eyes open. He’s truly the most amazing boyfriend ever. I know all the guys have been having sex for years. I also know he’s been teased and worse with all those black eyes and cuts on his face. The sad thing is I’d happily give him what he and I want.
The last time we were alone sweeps over me like a bad dream that keeps on replaying.
“Touch me, baby.” His strong body rubs mine as I reach for his giant dick.
His warm breath, which always smells like cinnamon and smoke, makes me groan into his mouth.
We can’t stop exploring each other. It feels so good. My core grows wetter as he helps me unbutton my jeans and his long fingers instantly thrust inside me.
“Oh God.” I reach for his neck to kiss him.
“Hey Edge…” His door pounds. “Brother, we got to roll, man. We’ve got a situation and you are needed.”
My body freezes. “Don’t stop.” I grab his wrist as if I can push him to make me feel like I do almost every morning.
“In a minute,” he snarls, his beautiful face almost looking as if he’s in pain.
“Sorry. Prez needs you now. You can fuck later.”
My eyes pop open. It’s become an irrational fear of mine. Because instead of saying no, he left with them. I lay in his bed for an hour waiting for him to come back. Even was creepy enough to lie on his pillow so I could smell his cinnamon spice.
My phone dings.
Edge: What’s wrong?
“Oh, thank God.” I look down at my hands. They’re shaking as I press on his number.
It rings once and I shiver when his gravelly voice seeps through the wire and goes straight to my heart.
“You okay?”
“Yes…” Jesus, I’m out of breath. Gulping in a huge amount of air, I try not to choke on it as I calm my emotions.
“I just, I miss you. Ever since Jason made that drug, I’m seeing you less and less. I mean you need to—”
“Hold on, baby.” And I want to die. I love when he calls me baby. “Yeah man, I’ll be right there. Listen, I need to go. You’re okay, right?”
“Um, no.” I push off the locker and look down the hall at Troy and his friends coming toward me laughing, making me feel ancient. I hear them yelling for me to come with them to practice and I start to run in the opposite direction toward the front exit.
“I need you,” I pant “Me. Remember the girl you say is your girlfriend, yet I see you less than I see anyone?”
Silence greets me and I almost think he’s hung up, which makes my pulse pound in my head.
“Edge?”
“I’m busy.”
“Great, just great.” My voice cracks.
“I have things going on and you have practice. Why are you out of breath?”
I start laughing and once it starts, it doesn’t stop.
“Christ,” he snarls. “Jason, dude, give me a minute.”
I have to cover my mouth because if I want to get him to listen, I have to at least be able to talk.
“What’s wrong with you?” he hisses.
“I need to talk. I have something to tell you.”
“Are you fine?” He says it like I’m an idiot, which dissolves my laughter real quick.
“Yes, are you at the clubhouse?”
Again, silence other than the sound of him inhaling a cigarette. “I am but your dad is here. Trust me, don’t show up. I’ll try to get done early. Leave your window open.” I almost say I leave it open every night, though he doesn’t seem to feel the need to come through it anymore.
“Are you fucking around on me?” I freeze. I did not plan to say that. It slipped out. Sometimes I have no filter. Make that most of the time. The only person who never takes offense to it is Edge, but if his silence on the line is any indication, he might have taken offense.
“You really want to do this, huh?” It’s loud and bitter and my heart is beating so fast it seems as if it’s going to explode.
“Are you? It’s a simple question.” Jesus, I don’t even recognize my voice.
“Go to practice. Say hi to the cunts for me.” And before I can say anything else, the line is dead.
“Hello?” I screech, but there’s no one on the phone. How is this possible? No way did Edge hang up on me.
“What’s happening?” I put my hand on my clammy forehead and take a breath. I’m either going to pass out or throw up. My eyes dart around and I run.
The fluorescent lights in the deserted hallway cast a gloomy yellow and all I hear is my labored breathing and the tapping of my shoes as they hit the floor.
Shoving open the heavy metal door, I bolt down the stairs and stop as I try to catch my breath and pull myself together. I need to think, not lose it. The cool air seems to help my flushed cheeks and a pain I’ve never felt slowly disappears. I glance up at the sky and try to calm myself. It’s already getting dark and it’s not even four thirty yet.