I reach for Brinn but he steps away, moving to put his coffee cup in the kitchen sink. Briefly, he looks out the window before resting his elbows on the counter and burying his head in his hands. The newscaster confirms that the airport’s been leveled, including the airfield and surrounding hangars and businesses.
Twenty-Six
Brinn left early to go assess the damage at the airfield and I stay behind to follow up with Daanya about Will. But, discovering I’ll be unable to get a visit with Will until further notice, I score a rental car and drive back to Daytona to see what I can do to help Brinn.
I pull over to take a call from Mark, who tells me everything is lost and he’s cashing in. Not going to rebuild. I sit on the side of the road trembling long after the call is over.
What will Brinn do? The dream he’s had since he was a kid is gone. He gave up teaching at the university to focus on buying into the school. Now that’s gone too. I scroll through all the options I know of and mentally make a list of ideas to help him get back on his feet. He’ll have a hard time seeing past all this devastation. Who wouldn’t?
When I pull my car alongside the curb in front of their house, Vann gives me a wide-eyed look that almost makes me stay in the car. Almost. Their house managed to come out only requiring small repairs to the roof. Others down the street were completely wiped out.
Brinn gets out of his truck and hands Vann bags of take out. He doesn’t look at me.
“Is there something you need?” he asks as he heads back to his truck. He pulls a sign and frame from the bed of his truck. For sale by owner it reads.
I flick my gaze to the sign. “You’re selling the house?”
His face is dark, his anger barely checked. “Vann’s moving away for his Master’s program. He needs his half of the house to pay for school.”
“Oh.” I suppose I thought he was calling it quits.
“Why are you here, Josie?”
“I wanted to say I was sorry for the shop. Mark called. I know you’re—”
“What is it you think you know?” He swings his gaze to mine and there’s a steely glint found there.
So that’s how it’s going to be?
We face off in the driveway. I’m not in a good place. I’ve spiraled into a tenuous stream of thought where I’m questioning if I leave mass destruction in my wake. Does anyone I get attached to come out unscathed? I know Brinn well enough to know he’s in a bad place too. Understandably so.
“Do you blame me for this?” My voice is low and the question is carried by my shock and confusion. I never told him to come with me.
“You should go. I’ve given it a lot of thought and it’s time we call this quits. Whatever this is. We chalk it up to getting exactly what we both needed and walk away. But it needs to be over. And you should go. Now.” He nods as if to give his words the exclamation point they lack.
“You do blame me.” Anger sparks through me. I plant my hands on my hips and level him with a glare.
“I don’t blame you. I blame myself for getting caught up with you. For not staying focused.” He holds the FOR SALE sign between us. Like I’m going to kick him in the knees or something.
Well, OK, there’s some validity to that concern.
“But—”
“You’re chaos. You’re in the moment. That’s how you live your life. It was a good thing while it lasted but it’s time to end it. I need more than the moment. Especially right now. I need to focus on the future, and I don’t even know what that looks like. Just move on with your plans and let me get about the business of figuring out mine.” He steps away.
The term chaos leaves me breathless because right now I do feel like I bring turmoil. That Will might be sitting at his desk writing a book had I not come into his life. That Brinn might not have questioned his path had I not taken him to a psychic, told him Erik would be a good partner, said I thought he was more than a flight school owner.
Who cares what I think? While I was actively participating in their lives, I was also planning my exit route.
I look up at the sky and force my tears back. Holding them inside. The time for my pity party is not now.
“What about that start-up idea you had? That guy, Shawn Henderson, at the ball said he’d invest in something like that.”
“Says the girl who could go home tomorrow, say she’s sorry, take the bar exam, and slip into a cushy life without so much as breaking a nail.” His tone is biting. His stance angry.
“But all you have to do is go talk to him—”
“No, Josie. I have to do far more than that. I have to have the capital or at the very least the credit for the capital. I don’t have a job.” He walks to the front yard and drives the sign into the yard with one powerful push. “And once this house sells, I won’t even have collateral. Not that it’s worth a whole lot anyway.”
“Can’t you buy Vann out?”
“Where does that get me? With collateral and a new debt. It doesn’t work out.”
“OK. You’re in a shitty place. I get that. You need to make your next move. Do you have any idea what that might be?” I step toward him but he turns his back and walks to his truck.
“I’m gonna move. Maybe I’ll join the military. I’ll bounce around from place to place, not getting attached to anyone and never looking back at what I left behind. Sounds good. It’s about time I do something selfish. Hell. Sounds easy.”
I gasp. “That’s a shitty thing to say.” A tear leaks and falls down my face.
He turns, one hand on his hip. “You’re right. It is. I’m sorry, but in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve lost everything.”
I square my shoulders. “You have so many options.”
“Not from where I’m standing.” He turns away, heading toward his house.
“Brinn, I can help.” My voice quivers and I’m down to my last bit in reserves.
“That’s all right, Josie. Thanks but no thanks.” He walks into the house, closing the door softly behind him.
Shutting me out.
Part of me wants to cry. A different part of me wants to throat punch some sense into him. I unharness my anger—it’s easier to control and predict—and tuck away my pain. Besides, I’m not going to sit in my car and cry over a guy whose head is stuck so far up his ass he can’t tell whether it’s night or day.
I peel away from his house and head toward my place. Suddenly desperate to check the state of my apartment. The clean-up will couple nicely with burning off my anger. I won’t have any perspective until that happens. But cursing Brinn for being a pigheaded, stupid, goal-driven, tight-ass fool will feel good, for a few minutes at least and keeps me from becoming overwhelmed by the pain of my broken heart.
I’m such a fool to think I’d never fall for someone, to deny that it had been him.
“No, I’m not crossing some line, I’m just giving him good memories” had been a delusion of the highest grandeur.
Karma
Desperate to get home so I can lose my shit in privacy, I turn onto my street and am forced to stop three houses away. Debris is everywhere. Several trees are uprooted and lying across the road, the spiky ends of their trunks pointing to the sky. City crews, FEMA volunteers, and neighbors are out trying to pick up the pieces. I park the car and walk the distance to Mrs. Cramer’s house. The shock of what’s waiting for me brings tears to my eyes, my anger forgotten.