There were gasps from onlookers, and I wanted to die. Well done. Ella, I chastised myself.
“Shit, Mrs C, you okay?” Benny reached me first, his kind hands helped me up, and I brushed myself down.
“I'm fine,” I whispered.
“Come on; let's go introduce ourselves. Don't wanna be rude. Here,” he offered me his arm, which I gratefully took, and we followed Jaxon in the direction of his family.
Jax leaned in close when we reached him, “You okay?”
I simply nodded; I could already feel my wavering voice—so many unfamiliar faces around us.
“Mom, Dad, Kendra, this is Ella Chrobak and Benny...” Jax looked over at the man still holding on to me. “Shit, man, I don't even know your surname yet.”
Benny held his enormous hand out to shake Archibald's. “Benny Pratt.”
Jax laughed almost. “You're kidding?”
“Nope.”
Archibald looked at me and held out his hand. “Mrs Chrobak, it's a pleasure to meet you. This is my wife, Nancy, our daughter Kendra.” He looked over his shoulder and waved an arm. “And this is Carter Paulson.”
I took the older man's hand and smiled my hellos, wholly aware that Carter was throwing daggers at me. “I'm very sorry for your loss,” I said, voice quavering.
Carter scoffed, pulling a small hidden flask from out of his suit jacket, bringing it to his lips. “I'm sure you are, darling,” he said with a roll of his eyes.
Jax stepped forward. “Carter, don't. She didn't ask to be here.”
“Whatever, man. I'm going to wait over there. I can't be dealing with all these pleasantries.” Carter stormed off, and the guests kept out of his way.
Jax's mom, Nancy, was dabbing at her eyes with a crisp white handkerchief when she stepped towards me. Her blue eyes, eyes very unlike Jax's, searched my face for what, I don't know. “My, you are a vision.” Her small hand pressed against my cheek, and she smiled, tears looking at the corners of her kindly eyes.
“Nancy, leave the poor girl alone.” Archie scolded softly. “Forgive my wife, emotions, you know?”
And then we all heard it. The unmistakable noise of a hearse drawing closer, the gravel popped and crunched slowly as we all turned, lowering our heads. Jax pulled me from Benny and slipped his hand in mine.
I looked at our connected fingers and then at him.
“I need you, bird. Don't let go.”
My heart broke. I'd never seen or heard him look so vulnerable before. His eyes flickered upwards towards the car carrying Amy, and a wretched sob from Carter pierced the silence. I looked up and Carter was clinging to the screen of the hearse.
Archie and Nancy took hold of him, holding him tightly between their bodies as we all waited in silence for the flowers to be laid. Benny stood on the other side of Jax, in my peripheral vision I saw him make a cross with his fingers. My heart was pounding the entire time. My palms were hot and clammy, and I found myself praying once more for the strength to see this through.
After a few moments, the hearse was ready, and the undertakers began to help the family into the leading car. Jax tugged at my hand, beckoning me to follow, and I looked at him in horror.
“Oh, Jax, I couldn't possibly. Can Benny and I not follow behind?” Benny heard his name and turned to see what was happening.
“Everything okay?” He asked.
Jax nodded. “It's fine, Ella.”
And so with a heavy guilt-ridden heart, I allowed him to help me into the car where I sat between Jax and his mother, feeling like the biggest fraud in the world. And before long, the car was moving, and we drove in a sad silence to the chapel.
Jax.
Amy and her baby were buried. The service had been beautiful, and Carter had managed to get through it. Ella has been my rock, even if she didn't know it. Just having her there, I don't know, comforted me, and on a day that would have been hard for her as well.
Me, Ella, Benny, and my father had wandered down to the lake inside the cemetery; the rippling water went on as far as the eye can see. Ella sat beneath a great oak, watching a family of swans ducking and diving their heads beneath the water, her fingers absentmindedly playing with the grass. There was a soft breeze, blowing the coolness of the water across us, giving us some respite from the blistering heat. It was peaceful—a much welcomed quiet moment after the heartache of the morning.
My father passed me a cigarette and jerked his head towards Ella. “How she holding up?”
I inhaled the smoke, almost groaning at how good it felt to have some nicotine in my system again. “She's tougher than she looks.”
“This is the first time she's been allowed outside?”
I nodded. “She hasn't seen it since she was thirteen years old. Can't imagine what's going through her mind.” I handed the smoke back to my old man and sighed.
“Go on, go and talk to her. I'll keep Benny busy.”
I didn't argue.
“Hey, bird. You okay?” I asked, sinking to the ground beside her. Here, we were shielded from the sun's rays.
She looked at me and smiled. “I'm okay - just taking all this in.” Shell gestured towards the water, the open space behind it, the rocky mountains in the distance. “It's breathtaking. I've never seen anything like it.”
“Nah, that's nothing compared to you,” I said, grinning.
Her lips tried to fight a smile and she placed a hand on mine. The first contact she had initiated and, fuck if I was going to remember it forever. “How are you doing, though? And Carter? I am sorry, Jax.”
“Don't be. We'll be okay, all of us. That's including you.”
She sighed. “I do hope so. I just...” She chewed on her lip, unsure if she could go on.
“Bird, you can talk to me about anything. Anything in the whole fucking world.”
“Something just feels... off. Amy and Vlad, Vlad sending me along today. I just feel as though we're all part of a game, and yet we're the only ones who don't know what one.” She paused for a beat. “I'm scared, Jax.”
Fuck, I wanted to hold her. I threw a look over my shoulder and saw my father, and Benny sat in a bench deep in conversation.
Shuffling closer, my mouth was like a beacon to her, I placed the smallest kiss on her temple, leaving my lips there as I spoke. “Baby, trust me. We'll come out on top. My father said the site’s almost ready for him to send a few guys down there. That's good news, huh?”
She nuzzled her face into mine. “It is, I just can't believe this is all happening.”
We were quiet then, listening to the sounds of the water lapping against the grass as the duck caused waves.
“Bird?”
“Yes?”
“Can I ask you something? Something personal? You don't have to answer.”
I felt her head nod against my chest.
“How did you end up here? What happened to your parents?”
“Drugs, mainly.” She sighed. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave a soft squeeze. Fuck, Benny. My dad was a great distraction when he needed to be, and I trusted he wouldn't let Benny see something he didn't need to.
“Daddy used to be gone for a day or two. When he came home, he and my mom would shoot up first, feed Ella later. Or not at all, depending on how long they'd been without it for.”