“I ran home, finding my wife in a coma, the doctors saying she was pretty much brain dead.”
“Holy shite.” I blinked rapidly.
“For weeks, I lived at her bedside, her family determined she would suddenly wake up, and they will have their little girl back again. Gracie was their only child, a miracle baby.” He used his arm to wipe at his eyes. “How do you tell someone so convinced a miracle will happen that it’s pointless? She’s brain dead. She will never come back, but they refuse to give up, even though every medical person has told them there is no hope. I sold my farm to keep her here with private care.”
“How long has she been here?”
“Over two years.”
“Two years!?” My mouth parted with shock. I couldn’t even imagine the cost of private care. Our country had excellent health care, but I think there were limits on cases like this. As ruthless as it was, she was taking a bed and care from someone else who might need it.
“I knew Gracie. She would not want this. I know she wants them to let her go.” He brushed his fingers over her face again. “I talk to her a lot. Sometimes I swear she is still helping me. I could hear her telling me to live again—not to waste my life. To live for my sister, my parents…and her. It was here when I decided to go into the Royal Air Force, where I met Theo.”
I stared down at the tile floor, Theo’s name reminding me of my own betrayal.
“Remember when he came to see you when I first met you?” Lennox faced me. “His arm was hurt?”
“Yeah?”
“There was an accident. I saved Theo’s life.”
“What?” My eyes burst into wide circles.
“A training op went wrong, and his ejection chair got caught.” He waggled his head with the memory. “Let’s just say it was a close call, but I got him loose in time. From there on out, Theo had my back for anything. He’s been helping me pay to keep Gracie here, got me a job, been a good mate. We’ve been through a lot together. I owe him far more than he ever owed me.”
My teeth dug into my lip, sensing where he was going. No matter how much I knew it couldn’t work, I still didn’t want to hear it. It would make it real. A truth I couldn’t push away.
“But I’m still the selfish arsehole I always was.”
My head jerked up to him, his gaze roaming over me.
“I tried to fight you. Deny it with everything I had. Damn. I actually convinced myself I really did hate you.”
“Why?”
“I will be blunt. I’ve fucked a lot of women, been in several relationships, even married. But you opened a door…shit…I can’t explain it. I never had this kind of reaction to someone before. It was visceral. Raw. Watching Theo kiss you? I had to fight the reflex to shove him off, to claim you myself.”
Every nerve through my body tingled, heating my skin.
“I felt alive. Like for the first time, I was present. I hated you for it. Like you were sent to be my punishment for all the horrid things I’d done. I kept telling myself the more I was around you, the more I’d realize you were nothing special.”
I breathed in at his words.
“But the opposite happened. The more I got to know you, the more I wanted to be around. You were my penance. I hate myself, but I can’t seem to stop when it comes to you.”
“Me either,” I said softly.
His lids shut tightly, his chest puffing with a breath. “You shouldn’t say that to me.” His eyes opened, blazing with fire. “Not as the Prince’s fiancée.”
“I’m not.”
“What?” His gaze darted to the enormous ring on my hand.
“I told Theo this morning that I can’t marry him.” I flipped the band, twisting the diamond into my palm. “He asked me to hold off for a bit before we tell anyone.”
“Of course he did.”
“I mean, they just reported we are engaged in the papers this morning. It would be too soon to break it off.”
“So, you planning to tell them on your honeymoon?” His lids narrowed, his words lashing out.
“Excuse me?”
“There will be no right time. Theo will push it until you are walking down the aisle.”
“You have no right to judge him or me.” My defenses sprang up my spine. “At least I was honest! What about you? You are married!”
“Honest?” He spurted a dry laugh. “Did you tell him you fucked my brains out in the bathroom right before he asked you to be his wife?”
“Fuck you,” I spat.
“You did that. And you were begging for more.”
True.
“What was I supposed to do in front of everyone?” My hands flung out. “At the King’s birthday gala, no less. Tell the Prince ‘no’ in front of the media? Friends, family, the King and Queen of France?”
“You never actually said yes, did you?”
I jerked back in shock. He noticed—the only one who did.
“But you certainly didn’t fight it, either.”
“At least I’m not going to marry someone I don’t love because I’m too scared to face myself.”
Lennox drew in, rage crackling down him like a fuse.
“How could you do this? I feel like such a fool.”
“Spence—” He reached for me.
“No!” I shoved at him, blistering with rage. “You lied to me.”
“I never lied. I told you it was complicated. That I could never be more.”
I sucked in; the sting hit like a trolley.
“You didn’t lie?” I exclaimed, hitting him again. “Not telling me you are married is just as bad!” Hurt bled through my tone. “And I thought…you and I…I thought…”
“You thought what?”
“I’m sorry.” A nurse’s voice swung me around to the door, halting words in my throat. “You two will have to lower your voices or take it outside.” Her gaze went from Lennox to me, her eyes widening. “Oh! My-my lady. I’m so sorry.” Her cheeks blushed with the knowledge she had heard every word and now was aware of who I was.
Bloody hell.
“Of course. I sincerely apologize.” My voice clotted with upper-crust etiquette, my training responding to the public becoming a knee-jerk reaction as I tucked in my emotions. My pain. “We’ll—”
“We’ll take this outside.” Lennox clasped my arm, not uttering a word as he tugged me out of the room. Eyes burned into us from the nurse’s station, hushed whispers clamoring at the tiniest gossip we gave them.
“Let me go.” I hissed as we broke through the doors, exiting the ICU into a bright, mostly empty corridor.
“No.” His head swiveled around like he was searching for something.
“No?” I gaped.
“Since I no longer work for you and you aren’t going to be a monarch who can cut off my head, I no longer take orders from you.” He tugged me toward a door, yanking it open.
“Like you ever did,” I snarled back as he shoved me into the dark storage closet, my eyes taking in the shelves of supplies right before he slammed the door, the gaps in the door allowing a hint of light into the space. “What the hell are you doing? Think we’ve had our fill of being stuck in cupboards together. Let me out of here.”