“Love?” He huffed, a flicker of angry pain in his eyes. “You have no idea what it means.”
“I did love you, Theo.” I took his hand. He flinched but didn’t pull away. “I’m sorry it couldn’t be enough, that I wasn’t meant to be the woman standing next to you. But I’m not. Maybe not now, but someday you will know how right I am.”
“Whatever makes you feel better, Spencer.” He ripped his hand away. “All I know is the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with cheated on me, making me the fool down on one knee.”
He still didn’t get it. He was the one who made himself the fool. I ended things earlier, begged him to stop. But he put us on stage, forced me to act in a play I didn’t want to be cast in…and then blamed me.
“You know what? I need you to leave.” He stepped back, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
“What?” I peered around at the still lively party. Hours of torture still lay ahead of us.
“I want you to go. Now.” He tried to hide the fury in his face but failed.
“My absence won’t be seen as some insult or embarrassment to you?” I tilted my head, condescension hinting at the edges.
“I will tell them you got a headache. I’m already giving my wife excuses. Blame it on the bombing. Just get away from me. Both of you.”
I stared at him.
“I don’t want to see you until the Royal party. After Christmas, this will be done, and we can go our separate ways. Finally.”
“What will you say? Why am I not staying in the palace?”
“I don’t know; I’ll figure it out. But don’t think anyone will actually be wondering or notice your absence in the house. The only one who did was Eloise. And I doubt she wants you around.”
Ouch. But most likely true. I blinked back the hurt, nodding my head. “Okay.”
“Why are you still here?” He scowled. “Go,” he barked, the smugness he held earlier was gone, like realized he was losing a game and no longer wanted to play.
“Spencer, come on.” Lennox’s hand touched my back, my body instantly responding to his touch, curving to him.
“Yes, obey the married twat, the one you chose over me,” he jeered, drinking the rest of the wine in his glass. This guy was new to me, someone I didn’t know how to deal with. As much as I still cared about him, I realized it was no longer my place to try.
I dipped my head, stepping back into Lennox’s palm.
“Go out the back,” Theo muttered, grabbing a half-empty bottle on the table and refilling his glass, not looking at us.
“Spence,” Lennox whispered in my ear, prodding me to move. I took a step, my eyes not leaving Theo, knowing I had done this to him. He used to be so happy—sweet and charming. Nothing fazed him. Now anger lit his eyes and hurt hung violently on his shoulders, his pain whipping off his tongue in hurtful lashes.
Lennox muttered into his earpiece, knowing exactly where to take us to get out privately. A car waited for us the moment we stepped out, ready to take us back to the palace. Cameras flashed at the tinted windows, the royal car noticed by the papzz, hoping to get a peek at who was inside, leaving early. A few even tried to follow us.
“You all right?” Lennox asked from his seat across from me, preferring the spot where he could see what was coming up behind us.
I dug my nails into my skin, trying not to cry. “I don’t even know anymore.” My sentence came out broken.
“Hey.” Lennox reached for me, his hands squeezing my knees. “We’ll get through this.”
“Will we?” I brushed quickly at an unshed tear. “Do you ever wonder if it’s all worth it? All this pain and agony I’m causing?”
“So, will you marry Theo out of guilt? Be in a loveless marriage full of resentment and jealousy, become queen, which I know you don’t want, go to endless events, in heels, all because it’s less complicated than to break it off?”
“It’s just so much. This would be hard enough if Theo were a normal guy. But I’m engaged to the Prince of Great Victoria. You think it will stop just because I end it with him? Unlinking myself from the house will be unbelievably bad.” My watery eyes looked up at Lennox. “But it won’t end there. You get that, right? This won’t end. The media already hounds me and shreds me into pieces. Can you imagine what they will say when our engagement ends? It doesn’t matter what comments the RH puts up. They will come after me. My family, friends, you. It will hit everyone I love. When they find out about us? Because they will. They will rip us open, spill all your secrets—Gracie and your sister. I’m scared that no matter what you feel right now, you won’t be able to get through that. That it will tear us apart. I will be your Theo…”
“Your Theo?”
I gulped, my throat thick. “Loving me won’t be enough.”
His eyes stayed trained on me for a moment before a smile hinted on his mouth, making me furrow in confusion. I just laid out my worst fear, and he was smiling?
“What?” I huffed.
“You think I’m in love with you?”
Oh, shite.
Fire stung my cheeks, drying out my throat. “No…I didn’t mean…oh, fuck. That came out wrong.” I babbled like the awkward idiot I was.
His smile showed fully on his face as he leaned over, cupping my cheeks. “Bloody hell, I love seeing you get all flustered and tongue-tied.” His forehead leaned into mine. “I was messing with you, Spence. You were freaking out, getting far ahead of yourself. We can only take on what’s in front of us. But yes, I know it will become a shite show. I’m not a fool; I understand what is coming. And I don’t care.”
“You don’t care?” I asked skeptically. “Really? Your past will be dragged through the mud. They will call you horrible things.”
“I know what my past is, what I did. I also know what really happened. Let them talk and speculate. All I care about is what you think.” He pressed his mouth to mine gently. “I’m not someone who can confess easily how I feel. I’ve only told two women in my life that. One was related to me, and both are dead now because of me.”
I flinched, feeling his pain like it was my own.
“So I probably won’t say it as much as you want, but if you think I’m here for just a bit of fun, luv, I can find a hell of a lot simpler than you pretty much anywhere else.”
“Hey, now.” I leaned back.
He chuckled, drawing me back to him. “I’m here, Spencer. To stay, if you want me. And I will have no problem showing you every day, many times, if you need me to.” He kissed me, his taste instantly calming and rallying my desire into a frenzy. “And you wonder if I ever thought if this was all worth it?”
A bad boy smile took the side of his face. “Fuck, yes, it is!”
Chapter 18
Waking up, our naked bodies tangled, pressed together like we both couldn’t be close enough. Every muscle in me ached, my skin still burning with the deliciousness of the night before, which continued into morning. My lids were heavy, but I couldn’t close them. My head lay on his shoulder, watching him sleep like some creepy stalker.