“Much better.”
“They say that the third time’s the charm.” I reach up again and feel his lips against mine. He tangles his fingers in my hair, and we sit there. I don’t know for how long, and I don’t care. Because right now the world is so quiet and so peaceful that it might as well be just the two of us here alone, the only company we have with each other. I don’t think I mind that, actually.
But eventually we have to go inside, because even for May, the night is getting chilly. I don’t hesitate to crawl into the bed beside him, my head on his stomach, rising and falling to his calm breathing.
“I’m glad I met you, Nathan,” I say, because there’s nothing else to say. I’m so happy right now, so ridiculously and terribly happy that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to accurately describe the feeling.
“I’m glad I met you too.” His fingers find my hair again. “I guess we need to talk, huh? Because I can’t exactly call you my boyfriend, can I?”
I hadn’t even thought about that. “I guess not,” I say. “Is partner a little too cowboy for you?” I tip an imaginary cowboy hat. “Yee haw.”
He tries not to laugh, but he fails miserably. Good, I don’t want him to hold back. “Seriously though what can I call you?”
“Is ‘my kissing friend who isn’t on the gender binary but who I love very much’ a little too wordy?” I say.
“Who said ‘love’?” There’s that smirk.
“I did. I’m planning for the future.” I stretch up to him, giving him one more kiss. “And maybe ‘partner’ is a little too … square dance-y.”
“Yee haw.” He can’t stop laughing while he tips the invisible hat, and then his face settles. The way he’s looking at me warms me from the inside out, and part of me wants to cry and the other part wants to laugh and all of me wants him to look at me this way forever. Then he opens his mouth again. “What about my person?”
“Your person.” I like the way the words sound. On his lips and to my ears.
“My Ben.” Nathan leans in, kissing the top of my hand, and all at once my heart feels so full. Maybe we’ll only have three months of this, but it’s going to be a damn good three months. “Things might be hard, when I go to UCLA. Do you still want to do this?”
“Yes,” I say, and I’ve never been more sure of anything else.
I take a deep breath and relax into his touch. God, I can’t even have a night with this boy without worrying about the future, can I? “Is that what you want this to be? Us together? For however long it lasts?”
“I’m not going to be perfect. With the pronouns. I’ll go ahead and admit that, but I’m going to try my hardest to remember.”
“Thank you.” He’s been nothing but perfect so far though.
“I don’t want you to be afraid to correct me, okay? Please. I don’t want to hurt you. Never again. Not if I can help it.”
“I will.” I don’t make myself any promises, but for him I think I’d do almost anything. “And we’ll figure it out. When you leave in August. Maybe I can visit you.” If this project with Mariam pans out, I can probably afford to go every few months.
“Guess that’s why you’re my person, huh?” He wraps his arms around me and pulls me in as close as he can. “We’ll figure it out,” he repeats.
“We’ll have to figure a lot of things out, won’t we?”
“Yeah.” His grip on me tightens. “But at least we can do it together, right?” He leans in and kisses me again, and I never want him to stop.
“Come on, lovebirds!” Meleika screams from across the parking lot. We should hurry. It’s the last day of summer break and everyone knows it, because the parking lot is flooded with cars. I can’t even imagine how the beach looks right now.
But I don’t want to move, because I don’t want this to end.
“What’s wrong?” Nathan asks me, his hands moving to the back of my head, playing with the tie that’s keeping my hair up.
I swallow. “I’m going to miss you.”
“Please.” He rolls his eyes and leans in close to me. “You’re Ben-ing again.”
“I’m ‘Ben-ing’?” Since when am I a verb?
“Hey, you got that right.” He laughs, the corners of his mouth poking up, and my heart flutters. Every single damn time. “You’re worrying about nothing.”
I glance toward Sophie and Meleika. They’re waiting at the ramp that’ll take us down to the beach. The God-awful sand. But Nathan wanted to go. Just as one last hurrah, we’d driven down to Emerald Isle in the hopes that the crowds might’ve died down a little.
Different oceans, I guess. Technically. Definitely different sand.
“What are you smiling at?” he asks.
“Nothing.” I look over at him, at that grin I fell in love with, and those brown eyes. “I’m still going to miss you,” I say again.
He rolls his eyes, grinning like a fool. “Come on, it’s one day.”
“I know, but it’s one day I won’t see you. An entire day without Nathan Allan.”
“Ben-ing,” he repeats. “Though I suppose I’d be sad too if I had to go a day without this face.”
“Hate you.”
“Love you too.” He leans over and kisses me. “It’s your fault, anyway. It’s what you get for booking your flight late.”
“Shut up.” I kiss him again. “You’re the one who distracted me, so really it all goes back to you.”
Nathan sighs and rolls his eyes. “Just like everything else.”
There’s a tap on the window that makes us both jump. “If y’all don’t hurry up, we’re dragging you out of that car,” Sophie huffs.
“I didn’t spend three hours in a car to watch you two make out.” Meleika’s standing behind her.
“Come on. Our party awaits.” He grabs the huge white blanket out of the back seat and pops the trunk so I can grab the umbrella. No way I’m flying to Los Angeles red as a lobster. I still can’t believe it’s happening, that I’m leaving this place. January feels like such a lifetime ago.
But when Mariam asked me to help them with a new project they’re starting, there was no way I was going to turn them down. Even if it meant leaving Hannah and Thomas. And Meleika. And Sophie. All while providing a little emotional support for my boyfriend, while he spends long nights writing papers and drinking way too much coffee. Of course, he has to live in the dorms for the first year, but Mariam and I have worked something out.
My boyfriend.
That still feels weird to say. But the good weird. The weird that I never want to stop. Because Nathan Allan is my boyfriend. It’s taken us both some time to really get used to it. Because dating wasn’t exactly different from being the kind of friends we were before.
Nathan had suspected that he’s bisexual for a while. And when he started going to the safe space meetings with me, everything sort of clicked for him. His parents took it well. Honestly, they really didn’t care who he was dating as long as whatever we did involved condoms, a talk neither of us was really too thrilled to have. Hannah and Thomas weren’t all that surprised, but we did have to leave the door open anytime Nathan was over.