“Remember when I called you a perfect gentleman?” I said when he stood up.
“Yes, yesterday.”
“Not so much now.”
CHAPTER TWELVE – ELLE
“You literally cheated!”
I gasped. “I did not cheat!”
Ari sighed and folded the board back up. “Dad, don’t be a loser.”
“I already lost!” Theo sat back on the sofa. “I am a loser.”
I looked at Ari. “He doesn’t lose this game much, does he?”
She put the lid on the box and shook her head. “Never, ever, ever. He always wins. I think he’s the cheater.”
“I am not a cheater,” Theo insisted.
“No, but you are a loser.” I grinned from my cross-legged position on the floor next to the coffee table. “A big. Fat. Loser.”
He held up his hands. “No need to be a sore winner.”
“Sore losers need a sore winner.”
“Whatever. You cheated.”
“Give up, Dad.” Ari rolled her eyes and picked up the board game. “I didn’t see her cheat.”
“You’re not supposed to. That’s kind of the point.” Then he frowned. “You’re supposed to be on my side?”
“No.”
I laughed and sat on the sofa at the opposite end to Theo. “Oh, come on. Kids never side with their parents. It’s like an unwritten rule of childhood.”
Ari nodded her head in full agreement.
“All right, I’m not gonna sit here and have you two form a clique to bully me,” he teased. “Ari, go and take your shower please.”
She groaned, dipping her head back. “Why do I have to shower every single day?”
“Because you get dirty every single day,” he said so automatically I just knew this was a daily conversation they had.
Another sigh, but Ari did as she was told and went upstairs.
“You do that daily, don’t you?” I asked.
“Every single day.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I think she does it now just to do it. It’s not like she doesn’t know she has to shower every day before bed. It’s been a thing for three years.”
I grinned. “You are going to have so much fun with her when she’s in her teen years.”
“You and I have very different definitions of fun,” he said dryly. “I’m not looking forward to that at all. It’s already starting.”
“Ooh, that’s gonna be rough.”
“You could be supportive and give me advice.”
“Honestly, I’m not sure what advice to give to a man who has to guide a teenage girl through the most troubled years of her life. Buy noise canceling headphones? Educate yourself on tampons? Invest in something stronger than beer? Find God, because you’re gonna need him?”
“That really wasn’t the support I was going for.”
I snorted. “I’m not going to lie to you. Puberty sucks. Girls are the worst. I have no idea how my parents did it with two girls without anyone dying.”
There was a knock at the door, and Theo got up. “Maybe I should have spent more time on dating the last few years. Someone who knows what they’re doing would be helpful.”
I laughed.
“Aunt Elsie,” he said, surprised.
I peered through the doorway into the hall.
“Can we—”
“No,” he said immediately.
“But—”
“No.”
“Theodore—”
“Do not call me Theodore.”
I grinned. Theodore. Why hadn’t I assumed that was his full name?
“Then stop interrupting me, you rude child.”
“I’m not a child.”
“Then do stop acting like one and let me in.” She shoved past him, letting herself in, and stopped when she saw me. “Elle! My new friend!”
All right, then.
“Hi, Elsie.” I waved. “How are you?”
“I’m just fine. We’re seeing the mayor tomorrow for our weekly protest, and I have a doozy of an article to show him about UFO sightings off the coast of Creek Keys.” She sat down on the sofa next to me. “Theodore, put the kettle on. I’d like one of those PG Tips cups of tea.”
“I’m not doing anything if you can’t use my name properly,” Theo replied.
“Theodore is your given name. It is how you were christened. I shall use it if I wish.”
“Aunt Elsie—”
“Theo, even I can see she’s not giving it up.” I fought a smile. “And what’s PG Tips?”
“Teabags,” he replied. “From England.”
Oh.
“Well, go on, then!” Elsie said, clapping her wrinkled hands together. “I’m dying of thirst over here! It’s like being in the desert out there.”
“Hardly.” Theo turned and walked out of the room, presumably to the kitchen to make Elsie her cup of tea.
She patted my knee. “Will you be joining us for our protest tomorrow?”
“Oh, I actually have a meeting around that time,” I lied. “But I’m going to try to come by at the end. Theo told me you get the mayor out.”
“We do! Dear old Robin gives us some of his time to hear us out. I think he might declassify some documents soon. We’re wearing him down!” She threw her fist in the air. “We will not be silenced by the Deep State!”
Well, all righty then.
There was no arguing with her passion, that was for sure.
“I actually wanted to ask you something.”
Oh, Jesus.
“What can I help with?” I replied, just knowing that was a terrible idea.
She placed her hand on mine. “You have that internet show, yes?”
It wasn’t really a show, but sure. “Yes.”
“Would you tell the world about us?”
“About Creek Keys? I’d imagine it’s on the map.”
“No, about the Krew. You know, let people know we’re here! Let them know we’re on their side!”
Yep.
There was the terrible idea.
I placed my hand on top of hers and patted gently. “Elsie, as much as I would love to tell the world about you, Maude, and Agnes, my channel isn’t really the place for such a thing.”
“Well, why not?”
“The majority of my followers are under eighteen.”
“That’s the perfect place! Initiate them while they’re young! That’s what the Satanists do, you know.”
Yeah, no. My channel was not the place for her.
“I’ll tell you what, I’ll reach out to some friends in the business who are more in line with your… beliefs… and see if they’ll interview you. Besides, I’m not posting videos right now.”
“Yes, yes, the sex tape. Don’t worry, dear, they’ll find something else to lie about soon.”
“Lie about?”
“Well, it’s not real, is it? That’s what the media does. They lie to bring people down.”
Hooey.
This woman was a trip.
An acid trip.