I also wasn’t about to tell her the tape existed, because that was going to open a whole can of worms I didn’t want to have to explain.
I was saved from responding thanks to Theo returning with her cup of tea. He set it down on a coaster in front of her and looked to me. “You’re still alive after being left alone, then.”
“Of course. We get on like a house on fire, don’t we, Elsie?” I winked at her, and she winked right back.
“Great. Just what we need. A recruit to the Conspiracy Krew.”
“Oh, don’t be silly, Theo. She’s not there. Not yet, anyway. I’ll make a believer out of her.”
That wasn’t ominous sounding at all.
“I think Elle has better things to do than listen to your codswallop.”
Elsie looked him up and down. “If that’s true, what’s she doing here with you?”
Ha!
I coughed to cover my laugh, but it was largely ineffective. It kind of barked out at me, because she was looking at him in such a way that it was impossible not to laugh. It was that withering look, the one that almost always accompanied a cutting remark like the one she’d just dished out to him.
The kind of comment you could never get a reply to.
“What are you doing here?” Theo asked.
See? No reply.
“We need to use the beach—”
“Absolutely bloody not. Elle is still scarred from the last time you were there.”
Well, he wasn’t wrong.
“Will you let me finish?”
“You know how I feel about you using the beach. You never do what you say you’re going to do. You always go crazy with the aliens. A new family is coming tomorrow, and they have four kids under the age of ten. You can’t go anywhere near the beach.”
“Four kids? Blimey. Do they use protection?”
“Aunt Elsie!” A wet-haired Ari came barreling into the living room, darted straight around Theo, and threw herself onto the sofa next to Elsie. “What are you doing here?”
“Well, I came to see you, of course!” Elsie hugged her tightly, then pulled back and held up one finger. “I have something for you.” She rummaged in her purse and pulled out a chocolate bar, then handed it to Ari.
She gasped. “Thanks, Aunt Elsie! You’re the best.”
“I know,” she said smugly, accepting the kiss on the cheek Ari offered.
“The answer is still no,” Theo said. “I won’t be bought.”
I grinned and shuffled to the edge of the sofa. “I’ll leave you all to it.”
“I’ll see you out.” Theo got up and ushered me out of the living room and onto the back deck where he slid the door shut behind. “Sorry about her. She’s… well, she’s fucking crazy.”
I laughed, clutching my phone tightly. “She’s harmless. Unless she thinks you’re an alien, I’m sure.”
“Hmm.” He glanced over his shoulder at her. “Mostly, anyway.”
I peered back. Ari was rolling back, laughing at something Elsie had said. Their bond was pretty special, and I couldn’t help but smile at them.
“I’ll leave you to put Ari to bed and get rid of Elsie,” I said, taking a step away from the door. “Thanks for this afternoon. I really needed it.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Concern filled his eyes.
“I’m fine, Theo. Really. There’s nothing a hot bath and a tub of ice-cream can’t fix.”
“An entire tub? Even I know that’s a bad day.”
“It’s fine. I have some control over the situation now. I just need some peace and quiet.”
“Okay. Come here.” He stepped forward and wrapped me in his arms, holding me firmly against his body.
I’d been in worse places.
Hugged against a tall, handsome Brit was an okay spot to find yourself in.
“If you need anything, text me.” He stepped back, releasing me.
I smirked. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t have your phone number.”
“Oh, bugger it. Pass me your phone.”
I unlocked it and handed it over. After he’d tapped it in, I said, “If you wanted my phone number, all you had to do was ask.” On a sassy grin, I skipped down the steps.
“I don’t have your number!”
“I know,” I called back, flipping a look over my shoulder. “You didn’t ask!”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN – THEO
Slowly, I shook my head and smiled as she walked off. The huge white stain on her arse—that I assumed was yogurt, hoped was yogurt—stood out like a sore thumb on the black shorts, and I was mad at myself for how my gaze lingered there.
And not at the stain.
I shook it off and went back inside where Ari was still laughing at Aunt Elsie. I looked at her and said, “One hour. Tuesday afternoon, at two o’clock. You will use the stretch on the other side of Elle’s house and you will keep all your clothes on, do you understand?”
Aunt Elsie thought for a moment, then nodded. “Yes. We accept.” With that, she kissed the top of Ari’s head and got up, tucking her purse against her body.
“What do you want it for? What are you lot doing now?”
She sighed. “Oh, Theodore. Don’t you have other things to worry about without wondering what I’m doing?”
I glanced at Ari. “If you go to bed now, you can have an extra thirty minutes on your laptop.”
The girl moved faster than I’d ever seen her go before. She darted out of the room and to the stairs before she wheeled back and yelled a goodnight wish in Aunt Elsie’s direction, then went back to the stairs again.
When I heard her bedroom door shut, I turned to Aunt Elsie. “What the hell does that mean?”
“Don’t you think you should be thinking about what you’re doing with Elle?”
“That doesn’t help.”
She sighed. “Theodore, you don’t date. I can count on one hand the number of women I’ve seen you date in the last five years. That’s one per year if you max it out, and I’m not sure you need all these digits.” She wiggled her fingers and thumb. “You are notorious about keeping women away from Arielle, yet here she is, at your house.”
“This is different. Ari loves her anyway, and she’s staying right next door. I initially told her to stay away from Ari, but it’s not going to happen. Besides, she’s a great person.”
“Yes. You had dinner last night and drinks with Alex and Blaire.”
“How do you know that?”
“I know everything.” She tapped her temple. “Now, I know everyone thinks I’m a crazy old lady, including you, but I know everything that goes on in this town, Theodore.”
“Then how come you don’t know that the sex tape is real?”
“Psh. Of course, I know it’s real, but she’s dealing with enough stuff right now without having to talk to an eighty-one-year-old woman about it. Besides, I don’t care. Pornstars are lovely people.”
“She’s not a pornstar.”
“Of course, she’s not. She’s a poor girl who’s been done dirty, but that’s not what I’m talking about.”