“No, I don’t. Not at all.”
“It’s okay if you do. A bunch of people you know are here tonight. And this is new to you. The whole…bisexual thing. I’m not gonna get mad, Kurt. We can ease into this. But at least admit you’re uncomfortable. I can tell something’s wrong. Don’t lie to me.”
I scoffed. Don’t lie to him? Oh, that was too much. “I’m not lying.” My jaw tightened. “I’m not uncomfortable being with you in public.”
“Thought we were gonna be honest with each other.”
“Yeah. So did I.”
His brows rose. “What’s that mean?”
“Do you sell sex for money?”
The words just spewed out, and Orion went completely still. The only sign of life was a crimson flush that climbed his cheeks, evident even under the dusting of gold makeup. He didn’t speak, just stared back at me, a panicked look in his eyes.
“No answer?” I said. “Thought we were being honest with each other.”
“Who told you that?”
“Paul.”
Orion’s face folded into a grimace. “Bassock told you that? You’re fucking kidding me. He had no right!”
My stomach tumbled. I swallowed hard, and felt unsteady on my feet. “So it’s true.”
He went still again, shoulders stiff as he stared at me.
“Orion. Is. It. True?”
“Depends what your definition of sex is.”
I released a hard breath and looked away, rubbing the bridge of my nose. “Why? Tell me why.”
“It’s complicated.” I looked at him. His chin trembled and he looked away. “I didn’t…didn’t want you to find out about this.”
“Didn’t you?”
“Of course not!” He stared at me, brow furrowed. “You think I wanted you to know?”
A few curious heads turned our way at Orion’s raised voice. I glanced over at the water, the beach in mostly darkness save for a few campfires in the distance. “Can we go talk on the beach please? I can’t do this here.”
Still scowling at me, he nodded. “Sure. The beach.”
I followed Orion past the tiki bar, then out onto the sand. He turned left and walked a few yards from the club, then leaned against the seawall. We were in shadows, the moonlight dim behind a cloud, waves gently lapping the shoreline. I stood before him, waiting for him to speak, but he just looked down at the sand, hugging his arms.
“Talk to me,” I said. “Please. Because I don’t know what to think, and I don’t like where my mind is going. So please. Tell me what to think about this.”
He glanced at me, then back down at the sand. “I found out in the spring that…that old shoe store, down by the pier, was going out of business. You know, Allard’s?” He sniffled and wiped his nose. “I talked to the owner. They’re closing down.”
I wasn’t sure if he was actually crying, because it was too dark, but the sound tugged at my heart. I pushed it aside, determined to keep my heart stony and my head clear for this conversation. “I know the place,” I said. “So?”
“It would make the perfect location for my gift shop. Right next to the aquarium, people coming and going all the time? It’s just…it’s fucking perfect. And it’s so rare that places shift hands down here, everyone holds onto their storefronts because of the beachfront location and all the tourists. Who knows how long it’ll be before another place that perfect becomes available?”
“So you needed money to get that place. This was all about money.”
“Of course it was about money! I didn’t like what I had to do for it, I don’t enjoy that work. But I wanted my gift shop more than I hated the other thing.”
“You’re still so young. What’s the rush? You said you were saving up.”
He wiped his nose. “I can’t wait. Old man Allard, he said he’d hold it for me until September. If I can come up with the money by then it’s mine, but it’s a huge chunk of change and my regular jobs weren’t cutting it. But that location, that’s the place, Kurt. That’s where my gift shop is meant to be. I can feel it, intuitively.”
“Oh, for Christ’s sake.” I turned away, shaking my head.
“It’s true,” he said. “This is the place. I know it.”
Darkness swam inside me as puzzle pieces began to slam together like shards of glass through my heart. I feared I had the answer to my earlier question. Why was Orion so suddenly and rabidly enamored with the likes of me?
“So you needed a huge down payment,” I said. “And you’ve got a deadline.”
“Yes.”
I threw my arms up and faced him. “So you just decide to start…selling your body? Because that’s the only fucking option? ‘Welp. Need some cash. Time to get to whorin.’ Who does that?”
“Fuck you,” he said. “You don’t get to question my judgement.”
“What do you expect me to do?”
“Ask me questions! Support me! That’s what you’d do if you cared. Not go straight to judging.”
But I wasn’t judging him. Not for the sex work. I was judging him because more and more, this felt like a carefully calculated set up. “I’m not judging you for that.”
“Oh yes you are,” he said. “Clutching your pearls so hard you’re about to strangle yourself. You have no idea what it’s like. To have everyone tell you your dreams are stupid and you should just feel lucky to be breathing. People tell me that, you know. When they hear about my parents. That I was lucky. That I should feel lucky. Well, I don’t feel lucky, Kurt. Because there is no luck. You gotta bust your ass and do whatever it takes if you want something good to happen.”
My stomach trembled, emotions overflowing. “Am I supposed to feel lucky that you came into my life and into my bed and…completely scrambled my brain? Please tell me, because I’m just the dumb guy here clutching my pearls, and yeah, it tears me up inside, the thought of you selling your body.”
“I never sold my body. I performed a service. And not that I have to explain this to you, but no one got to touch me. I touched them.”
My fists clenched, but it wasn’t Orion I wanted to hit. It was everyone who’d ever paid for what he was offering. “Tell me,” I said. “Tell me what you did with the men who paid you.”
“Kurt, don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t pretend you wanna know that. That’s not you.”
“Oh, but I do. Because honesty, right? Go on, Orion give me the gory details. Let me hear it all!”
He looked down, shoulders trembling. “I don’t want to.”
I took a step toward him. “Tell me.”
“I didn’t go looking for it.” He took a deep breath. “It started here, at the club. Men were always trying to pick me up after seeing me dance. Offering me money to dance for them in private. And do other things. It was just…it was easy money. I’d dress up in my little grass skirt and dance for them. Then just…jerk them off, and that was the end of it.”
I winced.