Pressing my lips against her chest, I feel the steady beat of our hearts together. Only mine feels like it’s beating again for the first time in five years.
17
Halle
* * *
All week I feel like I’ve been lost in a daze, thinking about how good it was to be with Graham again. The times we spent together when we were young are permanently etched in my memory. When he left, it was like I held onto those moments because they were the only thing I had left.
At night, I’d lie awake in bed and think about him. Those memories flashed through my mind like a camera reel. I’d replay the nights after football games when we’d drive down to the cliff. We’d go there if we wanted to hang out somewhere away from our house, where our parents seemed to always be eyeing us. I’d think about the nights when he’d sneak into my house just to lie next to me, holding me when I slept.
Those memories were always the hardest. I ached to feel his arms around me again.
That’s why when he led me down to the pond and asked me to sit with him, I couldn’t say no. We both know that so much still needs to be said between us, so much hurt from the past, about why he left. It’s not something we can get over in a day, but I do think it was the first step to healing the pain that is still there buried.
I know he’s trying, and it means a lot to me to see his name lighting up my phone. Every morning I’ve woken up to a text message from him and every night I’ve gone to bed with his voice telling me goodnight in my ear. We spent two hours on the phone Tuesday night.
For so long I thought it would be hard to visit Chicago and hear about what he has spent his time doing over the last five years. I got to listen as he shared with me about what it was like working at Velvet, living with Mason, and how all of this led him to opening Compass Security.
Taking a seat in my salon chair, I scroll through my Instagram feed looking at pictures Callum has been posting of Ellie lying on the beach in Maui. She looks so beautiful and relaxed under an umbrella, the sun beating down on her as she holds her arm up to block out the sunlight as she beams at Callum.
* * *
Halle: The photos of Callum and Ellie are making me jealous. I’m ready to leave on a jet plane to somewhere far from here.
* * *
Graham: Take me with you. It’ll be a long night for me at the office, but I love the thought of a tropical vacation with you.
* * *
Grinning, I use my foot to spin my salon chair in circles until I come to a stop facing Kinsley. She just wrapped up with a client.
“Ugh, I don’t know how you can do that. Just watching you sometimes makes me nauseous.”
Giggling, I use my toe to push off, spinning me in circles again.
“I’m easily amused sometimes,” I say with a laugh.
“You’re more like a big child.”
“Yeah, well, you’re as serious as Mrs. Maven.”
She clearly doesn’t appreciate the comparison to our ninth-grade biology teacher. Seriously, her class was like the opposite of fun. She sucked all the fun right out of you in one big whoosh.
She halts her movement, glancing over her shoulder narrowing her eyes at me.
“That’s not funny,” she replies, flicking her tongue.
The chair spins to a slow halt, as I use my toe again to push enough so that I’m facing Kinsley. Her back is to me and I watch as she scrolls through her phone, before she tosses it to the side with a huff.
“I was kidding, Kins. Geez. Everything alright?”
Tossing everything on her counter into her drawer, she slams it shut. Turning, she plops down in her salon chair facing me.
“Yeah, everything’s fine. I just haven’t heard from Wes all day, and it’s starting to bug me how little we talk to each other anymore. I’m sure it’s nothing but sometimes it bothers me.”
“You know he loves you. I’m sure it’s not intentional, he’s just been busy.” I smile, reassuringly. I know after talking to Brannon, they’ve been super busy at their shop.
She contemplates it for a minute and I want to ask her what she’s so worried about. She pulls her phone out of her purse, checking it. Drumming her fingers on the counter of her station, she flashes her eyes up at mine.
“Yeah, you’re right.” She pauses, sounding unsure of her answer. She takes a deep breath, looking lost in thought. I want to shake her, ask her what she’s so worried about.
“Kins, you sure that’s it? Talk to me.”
“Do you think he’d ever cheat on me?”
I nearly choke, practically falling out of my seat. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah… I mean, we have hardly spent time together lately. For a while, I used Callum and Ellie’s wedding as a way of keeping my mind off it. He blew off seeing me earlier this week. God, I just sound like this insecure twit.”
She runs her hands through her hair, shaking her head. “He’s just been acting so weird. I was looking forward to seeing him that night too. I spent extra time just getting ready, I had ordered out dinner and everything. He called me and said he was on his way home, he was just too tired.”
Turning her head toward me, she looks at me as tears fill the brim of her eyes. She blinks them away, letting out a slow breath again.
“Too tired? I mean, really?”
“Okay, forget going by and seeing him. Let’s go home, get drunk on wine, and binge watch Friends. It will be perfect.”
It’s been a while since we’ve had a night just the two of us. Between preparing for the wedding and dividing my time between the salon and helping Graham’s mom, we really haven’t had a lot of extra time to hang out.
“That sounds like exactly what I need,” Kinsley sighs, as she picks up her phone, tossing it into her purse. “I miss my Halle girl and I feel like we have a lot to catch up on.”
An hour later, we’re sitting on the couch with empty boxes of Chinese takeout sitting on our coffee table like a buffet. My hair is wrapped in a towel on the top of my head as Kinsley digs through her basket of nail polish trying to decide on the perfect color.
“I’m so full,” I say, sighing as I lean back, patting my full and happy stomach.
“It was really good. I just can’t eat very much right now,” she replies. She flashes me a sad smile, before continuing to rummage through her polishes.
There are so many attractive colors, it’s no wonder she’s having a hard time deciding.
“Kins, I am sure you don’t have anything to worry about. Wes loves you. He has since we were sixteen years old when he asked to take you to homecoming and you agreed, but only under the condition that he let you clean his locker.”
I can’t help but laugh thinking back on that memory because it’s totally something she would say.
Looking up at me, she glares at me. “You know what you can do? Pick up those empty cartons.”
I want to laugh, make a joke to pull her out of it, but I drop it. Picking up the garbage, I carry it into the kitchen. I make a pit stop by the bathroom, dropping off my wet towel and grabbing my comb to brush through my damp hair.