* * *
While Daisy tends to the customer, I watch her. The way she dealt with the customers, the soft smile she offered each and every one and the patience she showed I hoped one day she got to be a mother. It was a sharp pain in the chest knowing that I may not be her children’s father but I still wanted her to have that special kind of love with someone. There was no way I was giving up yet. I was surprised, to say the least, realising how much I wanted her dream of the husband and family with the house and the white picket fence to come true, with me.
I hadn’t given too much thought of the future before coming back to Fosford, sure I wanted to climb the ranks of my career but in reflection that was going to be a lonely life. Without coming back there would have been no Daisy back in my life, even if under her own protests. I wouldn’t be thinking about life outside the world that had been my life in the force. I wouldn’t have had time to catch my breath. I wouldn’t have had time to realise that my life had affected people beyond my own squad.
I hadn’t heard Daisy come back into the kitchen until she spoke.
“What are you smirking about?”
“Life and what is actually important in it.”
She gives me a quizzical look before going back to decorating. Her hand freezes over the top of the last two dozen I had pulled from the oven.
“Oliver, I can’t charge people for these, they are far too small.”
“Those ones are for me. Twenty-four cupcakes for me today.” I expect her to reply, scold me even for the size of them and tell me that they don’t count but instead she squirts frosting on the first one before setting it aside and moving on to the next one.
* * *
I wait with Daisy as she locks the shop after we’d packed up for the day.
“Should I be expecting you to rock up uninvited to my house tonight?” Her question catches me off guard. Daisy’s expression remains unreadable.
“Would you like me to?”
“I can’t stop you but I’m pretty sure my neighbours have been taking notes on your movements.”
At her own observation, I chuckle. I can imagine the rumour mill gathering momentum, recording dates and times as if they were members of the CIA.
“Does that bother you?” It didn’t bother me in the slightest, I’d be happy to give them something to talk about especially if it were speculation about Daisy and my relationship but if it made Daisy feel uncomfortable then that would be my priority, I didn’t want her being the hot topic of everyone’s conversation.
“I learned a long time ago not to get all twisted up over what other people were saying.” She laughs too but I can tell it is forced, “If I believed everything that was said in this town I wouldn’t be here talking to you right now.”
“What does that mean?” Her comment had me confused.
“Any time there was an incident in the city where a cop was injured or killed there were whispers it could have been you. People were relentless with their speculation. No one ever said anything to me directly, it was mostly hushed conversations.” She tries to laugh it off but the glistening of unshed tears in her eyes told another story. “Drew would always send me a text saying ‘It’s not him.’ and that was the only time we spoke of you. He protected me like that, you’re brother. Why couldn’t he be the brother I fell in love with?”
I couldn’t speak, the overwhelming sense of sadness wracked my body, did she wish she could go back and change the past, did she wish we’d never met, or worse.
“Do you regret loving me?” I struggle to form the words. I was frightened by her answer; this moment had the potential of changing our history and held the weight of our future.
“I resented that you left. But I kind of understand it now and the reason you left me behind, well I think I do anyway.”
Stepping forward, I raise her chin so her eyes are looking at mine. “Do you regret it, Daisy? I need to know. Please.”
The gentle shake of her head forces a tear to roll down her cheek. “No, Oliver. Not once.”
“I still do.”
“Regret it?”
“No, Sweetheart. Love you. I still love you.”
“I’m sorry you still feel that way but you need to let me go.”
“I can’t and I won’t.”
“Why, Oliver? Why do you insist on living back in the past? Why can’t we move on with our lives and look toward the future? I’ve been trying so hard to let you go, why can’t you just do the same for me?”
“Because it’s not what I want, Daisy, I want you. You’ve always been what I want. Living in the past or in the future won’t change that. I don’t want to let you go because that would mean losing a part of me as well.”
“I have to go, I can’t deal with this right now. I’ll see you tomorrow. Please don’t come by the house tonight.”
My hand drops back to my side as I watch her walk away from me, anchored to the spot until she is out of sight.
22
daisy
* * *
Why can’t Oliver realise that to still love him only ends in getting hurt? I wasn’t a masochist. Pain was not a thrill for me. It was getting harder seeing him constantly, the temptation to fall back into our old life was like forbidden fruit but the reality he was going to go again were like the roots of that tree.
Forcing Oliver from my mind, I settled with a cup of tea and the first few chapters of the book that followed Bees and Honey in the series. I read until my eyes grew heavy, I knew I should’ve put it down and I had no idea of the time, but I couldn’t, I couldn’t let it go, not just yet.
* * *
I didn’t know what to expect when I got to the shop the day after Oliver’s admission of his feelings. The thought of seeing him again had me anxious. Until I saw him, the stubble had grown thicker and cast a sexy shadow across his jaw, he was dressed in a pair of faded blue jeans and a checked shirt with the sleeves rolled to the elbow, he and Drew were waiting at the front door, Drew was in his coveralls; his standard uniform whilst working at the garage. Oliver saw me first, straightening up as I approached the brothers.
“Good morning, Boss.”
* * *
Oliver says his goodbyes to Drew before making a beeline for the kitchen to preheat the ovens, leaving me alone with Drew in the service area.
“Ollie tells me the first day went well.”
“Oh did he, did Ollie happen to mention confessing his love as well?” If he had, Drew was a better actor than I had given him credit for, the shock on his face tells me he hadn’t mentioned it at all. I shrug, “I don’t know what the point was behind it, it doesn’t change anything for us.”
Drew wanders over to the tables, lifting down the first stack of chairs. “Because he’s going back to the city, right?”
“Partially.” It was more than his going away again, I had tried to convince myself of that fact at around two this morning, I was scared of opening myself up to that kind of hurt again.
As if reading my mind, Drew turns to me, “So instead of trying something new you’re just going to let the fear of getting hurt hold you back?”