He gives me a hasty kiss on my cheek. “Thanks.”
I watch him disappear upstairs and I’m left alone with the smell of the redheaded woman’s perfume on his clothes.
2
I finish eating my salad alone at the table, with only the silence and my thoughts to keep me company. My husband stays upstairs well after the shower turns off, so who knows what he’s doing. His office is up there, so maybe he went straight to work. Maybe he’s talking to another woman on the phone. Neither would be a surprise to me. I’ve been suspicious of him for a while.
Before you start calling me an idiot, let me explain. Aaron cheated on me early on in our relationship. When I found out, I went through all of your typical emotions.
Anger.
Disbelief.
Sorrow.
I felt stupid and embarrassed. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. Maybe I had done something wrong. I was, after all, a new wife with no knowledge of how things worked. My own parents divorced when I was a kid, so I didn’t see what marriage was all about. I was utterly heartbroken and had no idea how to handle something like this.
When I was a teenager, my friends and I would talk about other girls and how they were so stupid for staying with their boyfriend after he cheated. We vowed we’d never allow someone to treat us like that. If our boyfriends or future husbands cheated on us once, we would be out of there.
Easier said than done. I realize that now. It’s easy to have an opinion about something when you’ve never actually had to go through it. People are so quick to say, “If it were me,” or “I’d never allow that,” or “I’d do this,” but you don’t know what you’d do or how you’d react until you’re in that position.
I loved Aaron. I love him even now. We’re only human, and everyone deserves a second chance, right? When I confronted him about it, he admitted it. It wasn’t as easy as that, however. I had been suspicious for a little while before finding out. Women’s intuition or whatever it may have been, but I knew something was off. He was acting different. He was no longer my Aaron.
When I would question certain things, he would laugh it off, making me feel stupid for even thinking something like that. He’d always have an excuse for leaving at random times, or needing to make “private” phone calls.
I began to question myself. Maybe I was crazy. Maybe I was just an irrational, insecure woman who needed to let her husband have some space.
My best friend, Janna, had a friend who told her that she saw Aaron with another woman. I didn’t know Janna’s friend that well, but she knew me and Aaron through Janna, having been around each other a couple of times. Janna, of course, passed the information along to me, and after setting it up, I was able to talk to her friend and find out more information. Turns out, she knew the woman she saw Aaron with, and gave her phone number to me.
That night, I called the woman my husband was sleeping with.
Something I never imagined I’d do.
I thought I’d scream and cuss and tell her off, but I didn’t. I questioned whether she knew about me. I asked how many times they’d been together. I gathered all the information I could so he couldn’t talk himself out of it.
When I laid everything out on the table, he had no choice but to admit it. He apologized, because of course they’re always sorry afterwards. I think they’re only sorry about getting caught, but that’s neither here nor there. Of course she meant nothing. He only loved me. At the time, that appeased me a little bit. It wasn’t until later that I thought, why risk what we have for somebody who meant nothing?
We decided to work through it. It took time for things to go back to normal. Well, if I’m being honest, things have never been the way they used to be. Not for me anyway. When at any given time you imagine the man you love being with someone else the way he’s been with you, it can both hurt your heart and piss you off all over again. It’s not easy to get over, but I wanted us to work.
The next year and a half went by and everything was pretty good. He was feeling guilty for a good while, so I got a lot of extra attention, but eventually all of that wore off.
And now, here we are once again. The late nights at work, the mysterious phone calls, the odd behavior, the obvious lies, the lack of affection towards me. Whatever the typical signs are, he’s showing them.
When it started again, I didn’t have proof, just my own gut instinct. He, of course, wouldn’t admit to anything. He became angry, trying to shift everything on me. I’m the one causing problems because of my own insecurities. Right.
I just recently came to the decision that I was going to stop asking questions. I would no longer let him think I was suspicious. My only plan now is to gather evidence, and maybe, just maybe, give him a taste of his own medicine while I’m at it. I want him to hurt the way I hurt. I want him to feel those feelings of insecurity and jealousy.
My plan to get evidence is already in motion. I followed him to that hotel today, because I found a piece of mail he had thrown in the trash in his office. What caught my eye was that it was from a different bank than the one we use. When I looked at the statement, I saw charges for a hotel room amongst some dinners that I know I didn’t attend.
There are visits to that hotel several times a month. Since then, I’ve been trying to do more digging. I was on his computer once and an email alert came up. The only thing I was able to see was that it said something about his account at Have an Affair had been paid for. It was some sort of confirmation, but I didn’t get the chance to read it, because he came in saying he needed to do something for work.
I plan on getting into his email account to see what else he’s been paying for, and to see if he’s actually met someone on one of those sites.
Men think women are vindictive bitches, and maybe they’re right. But when we get to the point of being cold, calculating, and vindictive, it’s because they pushed us there. For years I’ve been supportive of him. The loving woman by his side. I’ve never been a nagger, getting on his case about every little thing. I never withheld sex from him. If anything, I feel like I want it more than he does, or perhaps he just prefers getting it elsewhere.
So, he wants to go behind my back and talk to women online? He wants to create dating profiles like he’s not a married man and meet up with women at hotels? Well, fine. But now he’s pushed me too far. I’ll keep up the happy façade for a while, but now it’s my turn to go behind his back. I’ll collect all the proof I can, so he won’t be able to fight the divorce.
Aaron and his family don’t believe in divorce.
When he finally admitted to cheating, we argued and I threatened to leave him. He made it clear then that it wouldn’t happen. He told me we’d just have to work through our problems because Stewarts’ don’t get divorced. I stayed because I loved him and truly did want to work everything out.
I may not even have to take everything to court, and if I’m being honest, I’m not sure if all of it could be used, but if he knows what I have, he may be more likely to settle everything nicely. God forbid his reputation be ruined.
Men should know that a woman scorned is the best damn detective you’ll ever meet and a bitch you never want to cross. Aaron Stewart is about to learn his lesson.