CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
ELLA
After Lucas tore out my heart, I can’t seem to piece myself back together. I haven’t moved from my bed. Hannah draws the curtains open, the light burns my eyes. A part of me wants to go home and tell my mother everything.
“Why don’t we take a walk today?” Hannah smiles down at me. It’s been three days. The ball was cancelled until further notice. Each day I’m waiting to hear that it’s soon, so we can leave this place. Maybe they would give us a chance to see our families before we started this nightmare all over again with Henry. I shiver and Hannah sits on the side of the bed.
“Ella, who isn’t Bella. Get up.” Hannah’s flushed cheeks and worried eyes have me sitting up.
“I’m fine,” I say with no truth in my words. My unwashed body and crumbled clothes can confirm the lies.
Jessie is sitting at my dressing table, she’s facing us. Her eyes don’t hold the sympathy that Hannah's does. But Hannah wears her heart on her sleeve, while Jessie, you need to scrape the surface to see it.
“We got word that today the date’s start with Henry.” Jessie states before running her hand across her ponytail. A trait I associated with her nerves.
Hannah is chewing her lip. I'm unsure how she has any skin left. I take her hand getting her attention.
I have never allowed myself to imagine having a friend like Hannah, friends were the real fairy tales that I never got to read. So that is what I would take from this place - friendship. My heart pangs, reminding me of my loss and I focus on the flesh in my hands.
“We are going to be fine,” I say.
Hannah nods unconvincingly.
“Do you want to know why?” I glance at Jessie too. “I’ve never had friends before. Now, I have you two.” I look back at Hannah who’s smiling widely. “We have each other.”
Hannah’s hug is the warmth that makes your body sag and take a breath, it also allows the emotions that are just under the surface to stir. I break the hug.
“We will be fine.”
This time Hannah’s nod is convincing. “Yes, we will. Now you need a wash. You smell.”
“Since you are going on the first date with Henry,” Jessie adds.
Hannah rolls her eyes. “You can’t just blurt it out.”
I climb out of bed, Henry’s name is making me twitchy but I want this done and over with.
“She’s right. I better get showered.”
Surprise flitters through Hannah’s eyes at my quickness to shower. I need to get that finger out of the hot tub. I shiver again as I strip. If I was to do anything right, it would be to protect Hannah and Jessie by giving it to him so they would be left alone. They might have a chance of going home and finding their happy endings.
The burn across the bridge of my nose has me jumping into the shower without letting it heat up. I need to run from the thoughts that are demanding to be listened to.
***
It’s warm outside today. My stomach won’t settle every time I think of ‘the date’ with Henry. But it is an opportunity to make the deal with him. Guilt churns heavily in my stomach and it feels sour as I reach the hot tub. I’m not sure how long I have before Hannah notices I’m missing. I can see her having a fit with worry, but I need to make sure the finger is still here.
I can’t stop myself from glancing at the double doors that I know lead into Lucas’s bedroom. My mind snaps to Sandra in there and Lucas touching her. A fire rages through me at the thought. Sandra was upstairs lounging while Mary fanned her down. Her glory of winning Lucas’s hand hadn’t helped the last few days. Gripping the tarp, I steady myself.
“Ella.”
I spin around so fast I nearly fall. Lucas steps to help me and I move back, nearly falling backwards. Gripping the hot tub’s edge, I manage to steady myself. My heart is beating heavily against my chest.
He looks so good. A hand tightens around my heart.
“What are you doing?” He stuffs his hands in his trouser pockets causing the muscles on his arm to bulge. Did they always bulge like that? I want those arms around me. I want him to tell me he’s marrying me.
I want him.
I am so pathetic after everything he did. “Nothing.” I manage to squeeze out between my pounding heart and aching chest.
“I’m glad you’re here.” His eyes bore into me and I tell myself not to waver.
“Are you? Or maybe you were expecting Sandra?” I don’t want to sound so jealous, but jealousy doesn’t come close to what I felt for him.
His lips tug slightly like I’m amusing him. My throat burns. Did he care that he had hurt me? Humiliated me?
“I am happy to see you.” He exhales loudly and removes his hands from his pocket. He glances around him quickly before folding his arms across his chest.
“I better get back.” Standing here and pretending everything is fine is too much for me. Maybe he can do it, but I can’t.
I pause, not wanting to walk any closer. He is in my way. “Move.” I order and his lips tug up higher.
“You’re sexy when you’re angry.”
His words cause a tide to rise inside me. He thinks I am sexy? The one emotion that is rising the fastest, is that he thinks this is anger.
“Angry? Have you any idea of how much you hurt me?” Pain explodes and burns my eyes.
His smile melts from his face. “Ella, I did it to protect you.” He unfolds his arms and takes a step towards me.
“Do I look like I’m protected?” Everything hurts and I don’t want to do this with him. I don’t want him to give me hope only to take it away again.
His jaw clenches. “You just need to trust me.”
Tears fall that I don’t want to fall. I wipe the treacherous tears away. “You had my trust, I gave you the best of me and you humiliated me.”
Lucas takes another step. It’s controlled, almost measured, like he wants to come closer but can’t. “I’m sorry. I really am.”
“Are you calling off the wedding to Sandra?” The small part of me that is clinging to hope pleads with him.
“I can’t.” His growl has me knowing I need to leave before I shatter at his feet.
I move past him, his hand grips my wrist stopping me. He doesn’t face me as I glance up at his side profile. His fingers burn into my skin and it’s like Lucas has a direct link to my heart, the one he is breaking even further.
“Please trust me, Ella.”
I pull my arm out of his grasp, unable to bare his touch any longer. “I hate you.” The words drip from my lips, fueled with all the pain, and he glances at me. I can see the hurt I’ve just inflicted on him.
Good. He might understand what I’m feeling. I try to look less thrown together as I return to the house. I am no further on without the finger. But I know where it is and that will have to do for now.
“I hope you weren’t pining after my husband.” Sandra’s voice grates at me as I clear the last step.
“Give it a rest Sandra.” Hannah glares at her before that glare is focused on me. I can see the question in her eyes. Where was I? Why did I go? What trouble have I gotten into now?