“Lillyvale is my home,” she spat out. She flailed her arms around. She was having an out-of-body experience as she said, “I love this place. I mean, not Tuscan Grove, specifically, though I do love this restaurant.”
She paused.
“I grew up here. All my friends are here, my jobs are here. My mother is here. This place is part of my blood. You swoop in here and expect me to leave a place I love so quickly because you tell me you love me.”
As the words tumbled out, she couldn’t catch them. She couldn’t sift through them, whether they were lies or truths or somewhere in between. Her heart kept pounding; tears began a pressure build-up behind her eyes. She clenched her fists so hard that her nails cut into her hands. “After eleven years, you come back and you tell me that you love me, knowing I’ll crumble when you say it and do whatever you want…”
“I know where you’re coming from. I feel the same way about Lillyvale. I love it too. It will always be home to me. It just became suffocating, you know. Moving was the best thing that happened to me,” Jonathan said.
That hit her in the gut. Moving meant him meeting Nikki, meant their breakup, meant their eleven-year separation. Now she added sadness into this disgusting cocktail of emotions she felt within her. This was exactly why she’d avoided him for eleven years.
This hurt.
“You used to talk about leaving Lillyvale all the time,” he added.
“People change!” Zoey yelled. The old ladies in the next table turned, including the woman in the wheelchair. “This is happening so fast. I can’t get a grip on it…I need to process it.” Zoey closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”
Jonathan’s head leaned in with a hushed voice. “Are you, though?”
She opened her eyes. “What does that mean?”
“You keep saying you’re fine. ‘Everything is fine.’ Why would everything be fine if you’re working so many hours for little money, so much so that you have to schedule sleep? And you’re living with your mother, and I know your relationship has always been contentious.”
Now she was pissed. Like where’s a pie pissed.
Zoey pointed at him. “How dare you barge into my life and tell me how to live it? I was just fine until you came back.” Dammit, there was that word again.
“And how is it now? That I’m back?”
“It feels crazy and whirlwind and wonderful and scary all at once. I hate you and I…I…” she said.
Love you too.
Before she knew it, tears sprung from her eyes. She couldn’t catch her breath and the tears just kept coming. If everyone wasn’t looking at her before, they were definitely looking at her now.
“Zoey, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” Jonathan said.
“I don’t know why I’m crying,” she said in between sobs. She dabbed the white cloth napkin to her eyes and dark mascara smudges came off.
“I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he said. “Man, I’m really not doing this right, am I? Tell me how to make it better. I can make it better.”
“I’m going to go to the bathroom,” Zoey said as she slid out of the booth. She took her cloth napkin with her, the swish of the prom dress echoing through the restaurant.
After Jonathan signed the bill, one of the old ladies one table over grabbed his arm.
“What did you do to that poor girl?” she asked. “Why is she in that dress?”
“It’s a long story,” Jonathan said. He walked out of the restaurant with his head down and dropped shoulders. He scanned the lobby for Zoey, even looked in the bar to see if she was taking shots of tequila.
Then Zoey walked out of the bathroom with her dress over her arm, wearing a white tank top and black Spandex shorts.
“I felt ridiculous sobbing in my prom dress, so I took it off.”
“Okay,” Jonathan said with hesitation. “I’m so sorry. I really didn’t want to make you cry. I feel terrible. Let’s talk about it.”
“No, I’m fine,” she said. He noticed she winced now at the use of that word.
He could push it. He could point out she may not be fine since she was crying in her old prom dress at a chain Italian restaurant. He had poked the bear enough for one night. He was on the verge of being Leo in The Revenant and Zoey was the CGI bear.
“Do you want me to take it?” He pointed to the bunch of blue polyester in her arms.
“Sure,” Zoey said, pushing the bundle into his arms.
“Listen, Zoey, we can take this as slow as you want. I want to be with you, and however that happens, I am totally okay with,” he said over the fabric bunched in his arms.
“Please stop talking,” Zoey said. “I just feel so tired. We can talk about it later, maybe tomorrow over the phone. Can you take me home?”
“Of course.” They walked out together, a few feet apart.
Jonathan threw the dress in the backseat, and they drove back to Zoey’s house in silence. Zoey looked out the window, and their eyes caught at a stoplight. She grabbed his hand. Her small hand in his signaled to him that everything was going to be all right. Even if it still felt weird.
When they reached Zoey’s house, Jonathan turned to her. “Are you okay?”
She nodded without a word.
This did not feel right.
“I don’t want to leave you like this,” Jonathan said.
“It’s okay, I promise.” She looked at him. “I just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. And this is a lot to process.”
They got out of the car, and Jonathan pulled out the dress. When they reached the front door, she opened her arms wide, and he put the dress down on the small bench on their porch. He picked her up by the waist, and she wrapped her legs around him. Zoey lowered her mouth to his in a slow kiss. He wanted to stay in that position forever with her in his arms, her lips on his.
It ended sooner than he wanted when Zoey unlocked her legs and slid down his body.
"I meant what I said. I love you.”
“I know you do,” Zoey said. Jonathan kissed her one last time.
“I hope you get a good night of sleep. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Sure thing.” Zoey wrapped her arms around him again, laying her head on his chest. “I will come and visit you in Phoenix. Promise.”
“I think you would like it. I’ll come back too.”
“Okay,” she said. They kissed one more time, and then she was gone.
He walked down the pathway back to his rental car. It killed him to walk away, to leave her at her mother’s house. He already wanted to run back and kiss her again, pack up all her stuff, and move her to Phoenix with him tomorrow. He knew he wasn’t done fighting for her, knew he needed to convince her he was committed. He was confident they could figure it out. Maybe she just needed some space to process it.
Still, he knew he wouldn’t stop trying.
26
Jonathan felt a tapping on his shoulder. He opened his eyes to see David standing over him with a closed-mouth smile. David was his ten-year-old seatmate on his flight to Phoenix from Sacramento. David had been visiting his grandparents while his parents went to Hawaii.