“It starts with now. Go find her,” she said. “I’ll hold the table. I was reading a really good article on Facebook before you came, so I’ll finish that.”
“Okay, Mom,” he said, kissing her on the cheek.
The heat hit him as he stepped out of the coffee shop, looking right and left. He saw a figure sitting on a planter box with her phone in front of her face. A light breeze played with her hair that had swelled around her, hiding her like a curtain.
“Hi,” he said, sitting down next to her.
“Hi.” She switched off her phone and put it down. “I’m sorry I freaked out in there. Is your mother offended?”
“It takes a lot more than that to offend my mother,” he said. He knocked her shoulder with his and tilted his head to look under her curls. He pushed it behind her ear, but it barely stayed put.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she said with a half-smile.
“Fine.” Should I say something now?
Jonathan decided against it.
“Tell you what. Let’s finish our coffee, and we’ll carb it up at Tuscan Grove.”
Zoey squeaked with excitement and grabbed both of his biceps and shook him. Maybe she was fine. Fine wasn’t a bad word or a bad feeling, right? There has been so much serious talk this week, hashing out their old relationship, discussing feelings, that maybe it was a good idea to lighten the mood.
“Remember when we thought Tuscan Grove was the pinnacle of fancy?” Jonathan asked. “I have an idea.”
“What?”
“Do you still have your prom dress?”
“Maybe?” Zoey said. “I’d have to check.”
“What if you wore your prom dress to Tuscan Grove tonight? It would be hilarious,” Jonathan suggested. That would definitely lighten the mood, so maybe they could circle back to the discussions they needed to have, the ones that had overwhelmed her. Maybe it would be easier while wearing an outdated dress. He would try anything at this point.
“People would think I’m crazy,” Zoey said. She thought for a moment. “Let’s do it. It’s going to be too big, though.”
“Whatever,” Jonathan said. “You will look beautiful no matter what.”
“Are you sure about that?” Zoey asked.
“Of course.” He kissed her head and put his arm around her. The future hung heavy on him as they sat there. He knew he was back in love with her, ready to do whatever to make this relationship work. Since the beginning of the weekend, Zoey had been the beautiful, feral animal he was trying to corner, but she kept cowering, kept slipping away. He had let her slip away once before and had gotten distracted by a hurricane of a woman who picked him up, chewed him up, and spit him out, leaving him a husk of a man. He had picked up the pieces, made some changes. Right when he felt solid, he saw her again.
He was such an idiot in high school. He was ashamed he didn’t think about her feelings more back then. Sometimes, she called and texted constantly, and he would get annoyed with her without asking why she did it. There were so many times she just wanted to hear his feelings, wanted a cute note, wanted a compliment or a declaration of love, and he hadn’t done it.
A cheesy, chain Italian restaurant would lighten the mood, downgrade the intensity of the weekend. It was a comfortable space for Zoey, and she would be more open to what he had to say. That he loved her. That he wanted to be with her. That he wanted her to move to Phoenix and be with him.
24
“My mom’s home,” Zoey said as they pulled up to her house. A red Kia was parked in the driveway. “Get ready to clench your butt cheeks.”
“Hello, Jonathan. Good to see you again,” Rachel said when they walked into Zoey’s house.
“How are you?” Jonathan said, giving Rachel a quick hug. Rachel barely reciprocated, just a small back pat in return.
“I’m good, thank you for asking,” she said. Rachel did not ask how he was doing. She simply sat back down on her chair, reopening the newspaper to the puzzle she was working on.
“Mom, do we still have my old prom dress?” Zoey asked.
“If it’s anywhere, it’s in the hall closet in one of the boxes,” Rachel said. “Why?”
“No reason.” Zoey scampered off, and Jonathan was left alone with possibly the scariest woman he had ever met.
Jonathan sat down with his hands clasped between his knees. Jonathan looked around the family room, anywhere but at Rachel, who sat like a housekeeper at a haunted manor.
“When do you go back to Phoenix, Jonathan?” Rachel asked. She finally lowered the newspaper from her face and removed her glasses. Rachel really missed her calling as a police interrogator.
“Tomorrow, early,” Jonathan said. He felt sweat along his hairline.
“I see,” Rachel said. No other comments. She put her glasses back on. He drummed his legs with nervous energy. Rachel stuck the pen cap in her mouth to concentrate. Silence had never been so loud.
Finally, he said, “Look, Rachel, I know you don’t like me very much, but I really do care about your daughter. This weekend was more than just having fun for me. I really see a future with her.”
“Good for you.” Rachel still worked on her puzzle. “I’m still concerned.”
“About?”
Rachel put the newspaper down and took off her glasses. She walked over to Jonathan and looked down on him as he still sat. He was about to get scolded; he knew it.
“I don’t want to pick up the pieces again,” Rachel said.
Jonathan crinkled his forehead. “What?”
Rachel examined her cuticles, not making eye contact. “When you came into the picture, it was a rough time for us. I was going through a divorce with a husband who had left the country, and I had my daughter who I thought was handling it well, for the most part. She met you, and I was optimistic it would help her while I was rebuilding our lives.” Rachel walked to the couch closest to Jonathan’s chair and sat down. “Then you two broke up.
“Zoey didn’t let the sadness show. She’s like me. She bottles it inside until it explodes. She appears strong, but she is incredibly sensitive. She has this tendency to unload on strangers, but when it comes to people she knows, it’s tough for her.”
Rachel paused and then continued. “One day near the end of her senior year, Zoey just burst into tears and couldn’t stop crying. She became so dehydrated from the tears that I had to take her to the emergency room to get a bag of fluid.”
“I regret so much, Rachel,” Jonathan said. He rubbed his forehead. “I wished it hadn’t ended. I didn’t mean to hurt her. I just wanted to be honest.”
“I think it needed to happen,” Rachel said. “She was so focused on you that she wasn’t making her own decisions. Frankly, I see too much of myself in her, and that’s why we butt heads and why I worry so much. I don’t want her to make the same mistakes I did.”
Jonathan felt the uncomfortable crawl over his skin.
“Are you confused about her? Will you be confused in the future?”
“No,” Jonathan said with certainty. He blurted out, “I’m in love with her. I don’t think I ever stopped loving her.”