I feel sick. Botts saw.
He turns around and walks back to his room.
Gavin and I both stand there.
“Shit,” I say.
“Shit,” Gavin repeats.
I motion for him to follow me into my room.
“How bad is that, you think?” I ask.
Gavin is running his hands through his hair. “He won’t say anything,” Gavin says.
“To anyone?” I wonder.
“I don’t think so. I’ll ask him not to. It’s not like he knows Kat.”
“Or Eli.”
He nods. “Right.”
“But I don’t want him to tell Lis either. Or Allie. Or anyone. Do you think he thinks we’re horrible?”
“Maybe he didn’t see anything,” he says, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“He saw,” I say.
“Yeah?”
I nod. My heart is racing. Why were we making out in the middle of the hall? How dumb, how careless.
Neither of us says anything for a few minutes.
“I don’t think it’s that big of a deal,” Gavin says finally. “He’s my friend. He’s your friend.”
But there was something about the look on his face. “He seemed upset.”
“Why would he be?”
I shake my head.
Gavin takes a step closer to me. “Where were we?”
“Yeah?” I’m not sure how I’m feeling about this.
He shrugs. “Yeah?”
“I don’t know. I feel weird now.”
“The other day we weren’t even sure if we cared if anyone knew,” he says.
“I know. But now someone does. It’s different.” It’s real.
“Do you want me to go back to my room?” he asks. He puts his hand on my shoulder.
“No,” I say quickly. Everything feels a little dizzy. “Let’s just lie down for a minute.”
He lies down next to me on the double bed and puts his arm around me.
Maybe it’s not that big of a deal. Botts doesn’t know Eli. He doesn’t know Kat. He’s our friend! Maybe he’s happy for us! Wouldn’t he want his two friends to be together?
We’re quiet for two minutes until Gavin runs his hands through my hair and I feel my body responding. So Botts saw. What’s the worst thing that could happen? He announces it on Instagram? He’s not going to do that. And even if he did . . . does it really matter? Am I really going to pretend none of this happened with Eli? How would I go back to normal? And maybe I want to be with Gavin. For real.
“You okay?” Gavin asks.
I nod and my lips find his.
“I borrowed one of Janelle’s condoms,” I whisper. “Just in case.” Truthfully, I have three.
“Borrowed?”
I elbow him.
He tries again. “You did? Really?”
“Yeah. Do you want to?” I ask.
“Very much yes.”
He kisses me harder.
Botts is acting overly enthusiastic the next day, but not looking me in the eye. Does he think I’m a horrible person?
“Good morning, Sam! How did you sleep last night?” he booms from the kitchen. “We’re making French toast and turkey bacon. Are you starving?”
My cheeks burn. What’s he trying to say?
It’s not like we’re rubbing it in his face. Gavin fell asleep in my bed, but left around six in the morning to go back to his room. By the time I got up, he was already in the kitchen, making coffee. Priya’s door is still shut. She must still be asleep. I’m assuming with Smokin’ Hot Benji.
Botts can’t possibly know we had actual sex. We were very quiet. I think? As quiet as you can be during sex, I guess.
But it wasn’t just sex. It was good sex. And so different than with Eli. Not better, not worse, just different. With Eli, it’s sweet and gentle. With Gavin, it’s sexy and new.
“I slept very well, Botts, thanks for asking.”
“This is like the nicest house ever,” Lis says. “Can we just stay here the rest of the summer?”
I wonder what happened with the two of them last night. She didn’t come knocking, so hopefully all went well.
“What?” Botts asks. “And miss the Superbowl? And my kids go to the water park. The last two weeks of camp are the best.”
There are only two weeks left? I shake my head. Less than two weeks. Eleven days. The summer went fast.
If there are only eleven days left, then Eli is coming back in five days. On Sunday.
“But we can all come back for our last day off,” Botts says. “You guys in? Sunday night?”
“Maybe,” says Lis. “You in, Sam?”
“I . . .” I hesitate. The plan is that Eli is flying back to NYC on Sunday, which means that he can come up to see me for my last day off. Next Monday is the last possible day to take a day off and we coordinated it. He’ll see me and then he’ll drive back to Connecticut to see his parents for two weeks. I’ll come visit him for a week, and then I’ll spend just a few days with my parents before meeting him back in New York.
“Actually, next week I’m taking Monday/Tuesday. I already coordinated it with Danish.”
“What are you doing?” Lis asks innocently.
Botts freezes. Gavin drinks his coffee.
“I’m . . . well, Eli is coming up to see me.”
Gavin chokes.
“Oh, yay!” Lis says. “He’s coming home finally! That’s great. I can’t wait to meet him. Is he coming up to camp?”
There is no edge to her voice, and I can tell Botts didn’t say anything to her. I didn’t think he would, but good to know for sure.
Botts smirks. “Eli, huh? How is Eli? Is he enjoying his trip around the world?” He is not going to make this easy, I can tell.
“I believe he is,” I say sharply.
I look over at Gavin, who is looking at me. He fakes an extra-large smile.
Botts turns to Gavin. “And when is Kat coming back?”
“Not until the end of August.”
“I bet she’s having a great time too,” he says. “But not as great as you guys are.”
“Probably not,” I say.
“Omigod,” Lis says, pulling me into a hallway after breakfast. “What is going on?”
“What do you mean?” I ask, heart pounding.
“Why did he invite me here if he wasn’t going to make a move?”
“Oh, Botts.”
“Yes, Botts,” she says. “Nothing happened. We were sitting alone in the hot tub, and then he was like, oh, I have to go to sleep, I’m super tired. And he left! Who does that when they’re in the hot tub with a girl they’ve already kissed? But then this morning he invited me to come back. When he said come back, he meant me too, didn’t he? What do you think the deal is?”
“I honestly don’t know,” I say.
“Did I sound dumb last night or something? I didn’t drink or smoke or anything. I wanted to be completely sober. But Botts is so smart. I feel like he probably thinks I’m too dumb for him. Or too silly. Do you think I’m silly?”
“No, not at all,” I say.
“Can you find out if he likes me or what?”